Taint

The Hospital

On top of the green grass, I walked in the direction of the wind. I don't know where I am right now, I don't recognize this place at all. I was astonished by myself, there was no fear, though I was the only one here.

I walked for a long time, but there was not a single speck of clues, as if this place was indeed created without limits. Then I paused for a moment and sat down among the blooming flowers.

"Very pretty." A flower that resembles a rose. The petals are beautifully charming like twilight light.

I breathed in her fragrance, a soothing fragrance. The hearts and souls that had been scattered, slowly fused together and brought me into peace.

"Austenance!"

I flinched, my eyes that were closed, now wide open because of his voice. I remember exactly who the owner of the voice was, the grown man who became the hero of my life, the man I used to call Dad.

I moved and looked straight ahead. In a loose white shirt, Dad walked up to me.

"Dad!" I cried with excitement. I miss Dad, and I'm about to squander into his arms.

"Don't, Kirana!" I stepped back and avoided my touch.

"Why, Dad?" my question is not to understand.

"Your place is not here, Kirana. You shouldn't have come and hugged me. Not yet." Dad nodded with a smile.

"But, Yah___"

"You're a tough girl, I'm sure you can get through this. I forgive your mistakes, Kirana .. provided you want to get back on the right path. Do not act foolishly, do not harm the grace entrusted by God.

Be fine here, I'll be back!" Dad turned around and left me.

"Dad! Wait, Dad!"

"Dad! Wait, Dad!"

I kept screaming, but Dad didn't care. He kept walking, leaving me alone.

"Dad! Daddy!" I shouted, now accompanied by tears.

"Son! Son! Son, wake up, son!"

I faintly heard a woman's voice calling me, somewhere she was. I stared in all directions, but I could not find her figure. Then, the light in the place where I was standing was even more dazzling. I had to close my eyes and open them again, when the light had dimmed.

I frowned in wonder, not a stretch of green grass that I saw, but a whitewashed room with a disinfectant aroma. What happened, why am I in the hospital?

"Son, thank goodness you are conscious" said the middle-aged woman sitting next to me.

Shortly after, a doctor approached me. He checked my condition and then reviewed a wide smile.

"It's getting better, I'm going to make a prescription for her" the doctor told the middle-aged woman.

"Thank you, Doc." The woman smiled, and then looked at me.

"You have fainted for two days, thankfully you are now conscious. How do you feel, son?" I felt her warm touch rubbing the top of her head.

"Whose mother?" I asked back.

"I'm Fatimah, I'm not a real person here. I found you passed out on the bridge, so I took you to the hospital, "he replied, which then reminded me of the real events.

I smiled wryly, the pain again stifling the chest. Why am I still alive, why am I still surviving in this world? I regretted it with eyes that started to tear up.

"Mom shouldn't have helped me" I said firmly, but trembling.

"You're blacked out and rained out, son. You___"

"I would rather die than be helped and given false hope. I'm tired of being betrayed, I'm tired of living in this world" I concluded with high intonation. This time not only glazed over, but the tears had shed and soaked my cheeks.

"Mom doesn't know what happened to you, son, but one thing you should know. I sincerely help you, I don't expect anything in return, I don't have bad intentions either. Every problem has a way out. Don't give up, just stick around and pray to God" said Fatimah, gently, with no emotion emanating from her.

"Just pray, God won't listen." I smiled bitterly among the tears that were flowing.

"Why are you talking like that, son?" Fatimah looked at me.

"If the Lord hears, He must uproot my life" I replied, without hesitation.

"Astagfirullaahal 'adhim! Watch your talk, son. Remember speech is prayer! There are many out there who spend up to hundreds of millions of dollars, in order to maintain a life. Why do you even think so?" Ms. Fatimah slightly raised her intonation.

"The world has thrown me away" I said, softly.

"Son, this life has been arranged, do not give up because of the test. I don't know what your beliefs are, but I believe in your religion there is also the Creator. Pray, complain, tell me all the things that burden you. Calm your heart, and take wisdom in every event. I'm sure, after that you'll receive your life line. Look, there's another life in your body. Don't you want to look at her?" Fatimah put her palm over my stomach.

I ignored his actions, I was still fixated on the sentence he uttered. 'Mom don't know what your beliefs are', somehow that sentence feels so piercing. Many times I took a deep breath, in order to calm the sore heart.

"There is no veil covering my head, and this dress is also too short for Muslim women. Actually it is not strange if Ms. Fatimah can not guess what my beliefs are, but .. it feels really uncomfortable," I said in my heart.

Seriate...