Taint

The Suffering Answer

"Kirana, you're fine, aren't you?" Daniel waved his hand right in front of my eyes.

I gasped and blinked quickly. Then I looked down and rubbed the corner of my eyes that were getting wet. The pendant that Daniel wore was the one that extended the farthest distance between us, the cross pendant.

All this time, such a thing has never been attached to Daniel's body, even though he has embraced it since childhood.

"Daniel." I looked up and again my gaze was fixed on the locket.

"What's up, Ra? Is something wrong with me?" ask Daniel. Maybe he was worried because I kept staring at him

"Ka .. your necklace," I replied nervously.

Daniel clasped the pendant hanging around his neck, very tightly. He took a deep breath and looked at me with a smile. A smile that hurts me so much.

"I've found the answer, Kirana, I now understand the meaning of a belief. Forgive me for not eroding the distance between us, but I will stop at nothing to make you happy.

I frowned, not too understanding of the meaning of his words.

"At that time, I was so hurt to hear about you. You hurt and suffered alone, until I finally promised myself. I will always be with you and make you happy, no matter what. I was even willing to sacrifice the keykinan. And two months ago was the hardest time for me. Seeing you in the hijab, it hurts so much. I lost hope of living with you. Especially when you resisted when I was about to move on, I was so desperate, Kirana." Daniel let go of the grip on his pendant, and he rubbed his slightly sweaty face.

"Back from here I didn't go straight to the contract, but stayed on the beach. A place we used to visit together. Sorry, Kirana, I was venting my grief with something wrong. I was drunk there until nightfall. It wasn't enough once, Kirana, I continued until a few days later. I had a crisis of confidence, I was too complaining about the trials God gave me. Until the end, God met me with the pastor. From him I learned a lot about religion, and finally I became the person I am today" continued Daniel still with long sentences.

I closed my eyes at a glance, calming the increasingly claustrophobic heart due to the painful reality.

"Kirana, your words were very true. It is not necessary to leave God for love and the future, because God is the true owner of love and life.

When I was at my lowest point, God brought me to the light of life. Until finally the eyes of my heart were opened to believe my religion sincerely. Kirana, perhaps the presence of Dara is one of God's ways of awakening us and calling us to be closer to Him." Daniel smiled broadly.

I smiled too, even though it hurt so much in my heart.

On the one hand I was very amazed by Daniel's current thinking, he was much better than that time. But on the other hand, I was also injured. Daniel loved his faith more and more, which means he and I will never be together.

"I'm sorry I can't love your faith, and I'm sorry I can't marry you. I promise to always be responsible. I'll send you a fee, I'll keep doing this even if I or you're married. I'm not demanding custody or anything like that of our son, he'll still be completely yours. But I made you pregnant. I ruined you, and I ruined your future, so let me make up for a little bit of my mistake." Daniel spoke while putting an ATM card on the table.

"Daniel, you don't have to do that. All this is not purely your fault .. I also contribute wrong in this matter," I said with my head bowed.

"I know, but I'm the most guilty. Accept it, Kirana, it's been approved by my parents" said Daniel, who then made me look up again.

Daniel smiled as I looked at him. Then he took a deep breath, before making an explanation.

"First, Mama didn't agree at all when I sent you a fee. Mama doesn't like you, because I always love you, when. Now, Mama knows how I am. Although this feeling is still clearly present, but I am not trying to oppose the situation for the sake of being with you. Now I am closer to God, and this feeling is enough to hold in my heart. Mama's happy to see me now, Kirana. Thanks to the light God gave me, my relationship with my parents improved, after a long time had been strained. One more thing, Kirana, now that Mama no longer hates you, Mama even wants to accept Dara's presence," said Daniel.

"really?" I can't believe I heard Daniel's words. Given his attitude that once paid Reza, it still feels doubtful if now you want to accept the presence of Dara.

"true." Daniel nodded. "Mama hates you, because I love you and insist on marrying you. But now no, I understand our differences. I'm not against the situation, nor am I forcing feelings. I realized, faith is not a toy. Now I understand what you said at the time," he continued.

I bowed again. This feeling is still as big as it used to be, but circumstances do not provide a way to unite. I wish Daniel knew my faith and believed with all my heart. But apparently, God does not allow that.

"Kirana, you're okay, right?" ask Daniel.

"You disappointed?" Daniel asked again.

"No. Maybe ... This is the best thing for us. I'm glad to see what you think now, you're so much better than back then. But ... May I ask for one thing?" I looked at his face with a stick.

"Say me" replied Daniel.

"My request is still the same as it used to be, Daniel. Please don't marry someone I know, especially those who are best friends" I said anxiously.

"No, Kirana. I'm sorry I was close to Nindi. It was all because my mother asked. In the future, I will look for a foreign woman who has nothing to do with you." Daniel said with a big smile.

"thank you. Mmmm, Daniel, do you have the same request?" ask her.

"No." Daniel shakes. "With anyone you marry and fall in love, I will, Kirana. Whether it's Reza, our other friend, or a stranger. I don't care, as long as he really loves you sincerely" she said.

"Is that so?"

"Yes. What matters to me is your happiness. No matter who you're with, if you're happy, I'm happy, Kirana" Daniel replied.

I fell silent and allowed the silence that enveloped our togetherness. Only the occasional roar of breath sounded earthy.

"Kirana," call Daniel.

"Hmmm," I muttered.

"May our relationship improve, yes. Hopefully we can give Dara a future, even though we're not together in the marriage bond." Daniel took a sip of his coffee and then looked back at me.

"Hopefully. Oh yeah, are you going back to the field?" my many.

"No. I will help Papa's work here" Daniel replied and I only responded with a nod.

The next minute, we joked with Dara. I tried to ease the pain and was disappointed because the reality was not in line with expectations.

After a long time, Daniel went home. He said he'd be back in a while. After kissing Dara, she moved up and looked at me fixedly.

"Situation does force us to remove each other's feelings, but circumstances do not forbid us to pray for each other. I will keep saying your name in every prayer, Kirana. Your happiness remains my greatest hope" said Daniel, before leaving.

"I am too. I will pray for you in every bow. May you be happy, Daniel, and hopefully .. I can erase this feeling."

I wanted to say that sentence verbally, but my dear tongue was suddenly confused. As a result, I can only say it inwardly.

Daniel passed away, after I nodded. I stared at his back that was getting away with eyes that began to glaze over. He has gone. The differences really separate us.

"Keep up the servant, O Allah." I sat there while shedding tears.

Seriate...