Taint

Give Me Two Months

I looked at Daniel's face, which was getting smaller. Sweat spots appear to wet his forehead and temples. I took a deep breath, a little I could guess what he was feeling. Doubt and worry.

"I change my mind or not, it depends on your reasons" I said, without taking my eyes off.

"What do you mean?" Daniel raised his face. For a few seconds, our eyes clashed with each other.

"You want to embrace Islam, because you believe in it, or because you love me?" ask me seriously.

Daniel smiled stiffly, then he rubbed his face violently. He took a deep breath, before answering my question.

"Is that important?" Daniel asked back.

"Very important" I replied.

"Is it more important than Dara's happiness?" daniel asked quickly, which made me look at him even more closely.

"Kirana, we love each other, and we already have a baby. I'm willing to follow your faith, for our happiness. I want to take care of you both. I want to give Dara a bright future. Is my reason still not right?" keep Daniel.

I close my eyes tightly, I set my heart to string the right words together. Daniel, he's actually a good guy, though he's been wrong in controlling desire. Ahh, but not purely his fault, I also contributed wrongly in that. Maybe he's in a state of turmoil right now, so he can't think clearly.

"Daniel, listen to me." I took a deep breath, before uttering a long description.

"Where can you leave God for love and the future, while God is the true owner of love and life. God is heart-turning, God is the one who defines destiny. Are you sure that love and the future will remain beautiful if you leave the Owner?" I paused my sentence while waiting for Daniel's answer, but he remained unmoved.

"Man is only a creature of God, we should not love other beings, beyond our love for the Creator. The human heart is easy to change, but God, he is always with us. Do you want to leave him for love? Ponder that, Daniel," I said, still with a long sentence.

"Then what do you want, Kirana? You don't seem to give me a chance. Is that feeling faded? Don't you love me anymore and don't want to think about Dara's future, do you?" Daniel's voice rose an octave.

"The feeling of love is still there, Daniel. Just so you know, I am currently trying hard to dampen the desire to hug you like before. This longing is excruciating, demanding revenge when you are present in plain sight. But ... mistakes in the past taught me many lessons, opening the door of my heart to be closer to God. I will accept you if you truly accept my faith. Later, after your heart believes in my Lord and justifies the teachings in my religion, I am willing to be your makmum. I will marry you, be devoted to you, and spend the rest of my time with you" I told her. I breathed a sigh of relief because I managed to reveal all the contents of the heart.

"Why do you give such a heavy condition, Kirana?" daniel asked very quietly, almost like a whisper.

"Because I want a holy marriage, a marriage that is truly divinely idolized. I'm trying to get on the right path, I need a husband who's really ready to be a priest" I replied.

Long enough Daniel flinching. He looked down with empty eyes. The cup of black coffee I served, was left cold without a single drop of it. I called his name many times, but there was no word from him.

Is that how he was destroyed?

"I love you, Kirana, love you so much" whispered Daniel trembling.

My chest was tight, as if there was no room to breathe. Drop by drop a clear circle, falling from the corner of the net. My heart is torn. This wound hurt a lot more, than when he was with Nindi. As sincere as our love, but obstructed by a very large separation wall. Oh my God, why is it so complicated?

Without feeling it, my tears also dripped. The love that is still there, is very torturous and leaves a gaping wound. Feelings and circumstances are at the intersection point, making my heart crack and the pieces were scattered.

"O Allah, You are the One who knows how the servant feels. Keep the heart of the servant from error and khilaf, do not let the servant fall in the pit of sin for the umpteenth time," my prayer in heart.

"Give me two months, I want to know your beliefs." Daniel said as he rubbed his face.

"I'm waiting for you. I wish you could love my faith, like you love me" I replied expectantly.

I don't know if this is wrong or not. I really hope this feeling ends soon. All this time I tried to forget, but failed. Now, I really hope he will believe in my Lord.

"O Allah, may he be a sincere mu'allaf" I said in my heart.

_________

One week later.

The rustling of the wind that blows among the leaves, the whisper of soothing nature. On a slow-moving swing, I looked at the tiny figure who was almost asleep in his sleep.

From time to time, his face grew more and more similar to his father's. Brownish clear beads, a pointed nose, and wavy black hair. Every time I looked at him, I remembered a sketch of Daniel's face that often appeared in the room of longing. Oh love, he really has no shame.

"Help Mother pray, son. May your father succeed in fulfilling the conditions that Mother proposed, so that someday we can live together." I rubbed his soft and soft cheeks.

"Kirana."

I turned and looked at Fatimah who was walking towards me.

"Have you slept?" ask Ms. Fatimah.

"Already, Mother," I replied.

"M." mm."

"What's up, Mommy?" I looked at the face of Fatimah who seemed to be saying something.

"Actually ... Mommy wants help," replied Ms. Fatimah, looking doubtful.

"What do you ask for, Mother?" ask him.

"You remember Aunt Nia, who had a restaurant near Tunas Bangsa High School?" Fatimah looked at me.

"Remember Mother, why?" I asked back.

"Yesterday will he order cosmetics with Mother, tell send today, and Mommy is okay. But just now, the niece of Mother's phone, she said she wanted to come here. Want Mommy to stay is not good, later she is disappointed. You see, going to Nia's place must be a long time ago. He always invites to eat together while talking, I always fail to refuse his invitation," replied Ms. Fatimah.

"Yes, Mother is home. Let me send you the cosmetics." I said with a smile. Ms. Fatimah seemed reluctant to express her intentions.

"Aren't you tired?" ask Ms. Fatimah.

"No, Mother." I'm shaking. "Yes, I slept Dara first yes, Mother, all change clothes," I said.

"Yes, thank you, Ra."

"Yes, Mother." I got off the swing. We both stepped into the house.

____________

I stopped my bike in the courtyard of the restaurant, among the neatly lined up luxury cars. Without caring about the surroundings, I immediately took off my helmet and rushed in to meet Aunt Nia.

"Tante Nia, is there?" ask one of the employees who is busy working.

"Bu Nia just came out, I don't know where she's going. Who's mom, huh?"

"I am Kirana, the son of Ms. Fatimah. I'm here to deliver this." I showed you a black plastic bag containing cosmetics.

"I don't know for long if not, but .. If you want, please wait," he told me.

"No, Ma'am, I just drop it, yeah. Please give it to Aunt Nia later, I say goodbye first." I said as I handed over the plastic bag I was carrying. Then I stepped out.

"Kirana," called someone, who stopped my steps.

I looked up and looked at someone standing right in front of me. A tall man whose good looks are above average. He gave a sweet smile. His attitude this time was in stark contrast to the last time we met.

"Don't look at me like that, you fall in love" he said suddenly.

Seriate...

Thank you so much for all your prayers, sorry you haven't been able to reply one-on-one.

Today, Stain started up again. May you always be pleased in the hearts of all brothers.

Thanks for the support.