Taint

The Lowest Point in Life

Cold air hits and bursts into the bone. I don't know where it came from, why in the hot sun there is a wind as cold as snow. I blinked slowly, trying to open my eyes which felt very heavy.

Dark, that was the one thing that first caught my sight. So I moved on, and tried to understand the situation. Am I dreaming? Where is this? Am I waiting for the bus?

Questions swirling around in the mind.

I started to step, and accidentally hit a hard object that I don't know what it really is. Then kuraba and I examined, it turned out to be a bench.

"I'm still in the barn, but why is it dark, and .. what sound is that? Where are the other passengers?" I muttered alone.

The atmosphere around me was indeed dark, but in front there, there were some flickers of light that resembled lights. I faintly heard a rumbling sound, like a heavy rain.

"What time is it now?" The sling bag I hung on my shoulder. There aren't.

My heart is beating fast, my mind is starting to fill with negativity. After I was sure that the bag was not there, I took a quick step towards the terrace of the warehouse. Under the dim light, I looked for the big bag I had placed there. There aren't. Not even my watch is there.

"Why, O God, why did You place such a great test on me? Why is no one sincere, why are all people fake?" I shouted loudly, but I was sure no one would hear me. My voice was lost in the rain.

I stepped to the side of the road, lashing the rain. Without footwear, I continued walking without direction. At what time, the road is very quiet, only one or two vehicles occasionally pass. I cried, my tears shed with the drops of water. How painful is my way of life, as if the world has completely thrown me away. For the umpteenth time, I was betrayed by someone I trusted. The mothers I thought were good, were only thieves. I was fooled by his scheming.

The atmosphere was getting gripping, lightning began to strike, booming violently buana. I hugged my body tightly, without stopping my steps. I don't care what happens, let the rain continue, let the lightning continue to strike, if these two things make me die, maybe that's the best thing.

"There's no point in me staying here, my presence is not welcome" I said in despair. Because only pain and tightness can I feel right now.

I stopped at the end of the bridge, right near the guardrail. I looked down, staring at the dress that was soaked and attached to form a body curve. I clenched my stomach that looked bloated, I felt the baby's movements were more aggressive than usual, maybe he was uncomfortable with this condition.

Then I looked up, staring at the expanse of sky covered in black clouds. Every now and then the light of lightning struck out, as if splitting through space.

"Why, O God, why did You make me like this! I was wrong, but I've repented, I've stopped doing it! I am willing to accept this disgrace, I am willing to lose everything, to hold fast to Your teachings. But why, why do you still not give way! Why!" I shouted with all my might.

The thunderous lightning strikes were deafening, as I had just stopped talking. But I did not feel afraid, I just stared at the spark of light that was reluctant to go out.

"I'm not scared! I'm even grateful if you want to snatch me to death!" I shouted without hesitation.

I looked back down, clutching the end of the dress that was increasingly attached to my body. The beauty of love that makes me stupid and submissive to her game. Now, it's that stupidity that's driving me to the lowest point in life. There was no more glimmer of hope I had, all dreams and hopes were lost along with the piercing reality. The torch in my soul has been extinguished. A speck of light that was still glowing, now the smoke is swallowed darkly.

"It's no use for me here, the world is a falsity. Although I always believed and thought everything was good, it was only betrayal I got.

Forgive the servant who does not accept Your destiny, O God. I do not believe in Your help, but I am not strong enough to face the trials You have given. You are all that I have, so let me return to Your side." I said while climbing the guardrail.

Under the light of the lightning, I could stare at the extremely swift stream of the river, and the river was filled with huge rocks. If I drop down there, I won't survive. I must be dead!

"The world is too loud, son, it would be better if you never looked at it." I bowed while clutching my stomach tightly.

My resolve is complete, I will end my life tonight. Just one more climb, after that I arrived at the top of the guardrail. I'm gonna jump right in, and all this pain is gonna be over. However, I have not had time to do it, suddenly pain and dizziness strike in the head.

I don't know what's going on with me anymore, only to faintly hear a woman's scream. Whether it is real or just an illusion. Some of my consciousness seemed to disappear, so I didn't understand where I was. Still in the original realm, or perhaps on the verge of death.

Seriate...