Taint

Dad Has Left

The morning wind blows slowly, sending a cool air that pore. Under the newly rising sunlight at the eastern skyline, I stepped towards the Malang City TPU. I clasped tightly onto the bamboo basket containing rose petals, with which I would visit Father's last place.

"That's the first morning, Neng?" greet a man standing near the entrance.

"Yes" I answered briefly, without looking at him.

A typical Cambodian fragrance bursts into the nose, as I walk among the lined navels. My heart was beating rapidly, as if it were exploding in a few seconds. I still can't believe it, if Dad's name is engraved on a tombstone.

Yesterday, Mother forbade me from going to the funeral, because at that time my condition was still not calm. In addition, Mas Bayu and Mas Denis are still controlled by anger, Mother is afraid they will return to scold me at the tomb.

Even today, I actually still have a hard time giving permission, because I know, last night I kept shedding tears, without resting it for a second. I can't lie to myself, I can't betray my heart. Hearing the echoes of Yaasin and tahlil, the pain really stuck in the heart. Father has returned to his lap. Dad's gone, and there's no way he's coming back. There's no way to meet Dad.

I stopped near the mound of land that was still wet. I sat and stared at the fresh rose petals. Then the tail of my eyes glanced to the side, looking at the name of Adi Wijaya neatly written there.

"Dad, why did you leave me so soon?" kuraba wrote it with a twist.

The parallel figure still rubbed me lovingly, now silent in the last bed.

I haven't spoken a word of apology, I've already closed my eyes. O God, is this the destiny of my life?

I took a handful for a handful of rose petals, and I sprinkled them over Dad's grave. With tears in my eyes, I prayed that Dad might have a beautiful place by His side. Not to forget I also put a lot of words sorry, even though I know my mistake is very fatal, and a little possibility to be forgiven.

After saying the prayer, I rubbed my stomach that had not yet bloomed. I clenched it tightly, hoping that the fetus growing there would be endowed with a steadfast soul.

The status is different from other children, I'm afraid the world will judge him. Even though he is not the one who sins, he is the one who feels the most impact.

"Well, kid, right there. Although circumstances are not on your side, but there is a Mother who always loves you," I said while looking down.

"I'm sorry your parents can't give you status, son," I said in a soft voice.

After being satisfied crying, my heart was a little relieved. Then I wiped the tears with the end of the veil I was wearing. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. I repeated it over and over again, until this heart was completely calm.

"Austenance!"

"I'm sorry, Kirana. I've ruined your life, I've made it difficult for you." Daniel hugged me tightly, and I felt water droplets drenching my shoulders. She cried.

"Mama and Papa prevented me from coming to your house yesterday, I'm sorry I couldn't attend your father Kirana's funeral. I'm sorry for causing such a complicated problem. I love you, but I cannot control myself. My love leads you to the wound, I'm sorry, Kirana." Daniel continued to say sorry, and it made my tears spill again.

"Take me off!" I tried to pull myself out of Daniel's arms.

"Kirana, why?" daniel asked after the distance between us.

"It was my pregnancy that made Dad leave. It would be inappropriate for me to embrace Daniel here. After all, my relationship with him is clearly over, it's time to stop talking about love" I said in my heart.

"Austenance!"

"Do you ask me why, Daniel?" my answer.

Daniel let out a long sigh, "i understand, I'm sorry, Kirana." Again an apology came out of his mouth.

"Your apologies won't change things, Daniel. If you are love and not cowardly, you should dare to take responsibility! You've ruined him, you've ruined his future, and you're running from it! You just want to enjoy it, without marrying her. What kind of man are you, huh!" yelled at someone who had just arrived.

He pushed Daniel's body with a hunting breath, clearly visible if he was emotional. Next to his hand was clutching the collar of Daniel's shirt, and next to him was clenched right in front of his face. His eyes were very sharp, as if he was really eager to finish off Daniel.

"Stop!" my peek.

"Shut up, Kirana! Let me teach him a lesson, I can't accept he's treating you like that!" he screamed without looking at me.

Seriate....