Taint

Cannot Open the Heart

Mayra put back her drinking glass, then looked at me with a crisp laugh.

"Patience, still thirsty, Ra. You can't wait, can you?" mayra Goda.

I clucked in annoyance as I exhaled a rough breath. Scroll at her glance, without saying a word.

"I'm cranky, ugly knows." Mayra was laughing.

"Not funny" I said, without returning her smile.

"Don't be easy sprained, you know old spit, later" said Mayra.

"Myth." I looked at him with a sharp look.

"Yes, yes, I told you. I became a fierce mother. Good thing I'm not the one who's the child, can be skinny dry body," muttered Mayra slowly.

Then she took her seat and looked at me deeply.

"Actually, Reza loves you, Ra. He often confided in me about his feelings.

At first, he was pretending, in order to get money from his mother Daniel. However, the longer he is more comfortable with you, and for a long time he realized, if his heart is already attached to you. At that time, he would end his cooperation. He will accompany you sincerely. However, his intention has not yet materialized, you have caught it. He's too busy looking for you, Ra. He's like a frustrated man" Mayra said at length.

I sipped a glass of cold matcha latte until I stayed half. My throat suddenly dried up, when Mayra told me about Reza. I don't know, the disappointment was too deep to scratch the heart. Although I have forgiven him, but I am very heavy if I have to open my heart to him.

"Tell him, I've forgiven his mistake. But ... I really can't, open my heart to him. He broke my heart, as my heart slowly began to turn towards him. The light of love in khalbu was again extinguished, because of the wounds he had scratched. For some time, I was traumatized and couldn't trust the people around me. He's one of those people who's taken me to the lowest point of my life, May. I'm sorry, I really can't give him a chance" I told Mayra.

"B___"

"And again, he made me and Daniel misunderstand. Even if at first he had no taste, but should a friend do it, May?

Isn't it cruel to take advantage of adversity for personal gain?" I quickly finished.

"Yes, I understand how you feel. But, Ra, he's really sorry. Well, if you can't open your heart to her. But ... Can't you give her a chance? He's very hopeful, you'll listen to his explanation, Ra." Mayra looked at me fixedly.

"Let the time decide, May. I will listen to his explanation, if circumstances bring us together beyond deliberate. But ... If you give me your address and phone number, sorry, I really can't, May." I shook my head while smiling bitterly.

"I understand." Mayra took a long breath. "Whatever your decision, hopefully that's the best. As a friend, I always support your choice" he continued.

"Thank you, May" said I, to which he responded with a nod.

"Oh yeah, May, how's your boyfriend doing? I don't think I've heard you talk about him in a long time?" my question, divert the conversation.

"It's run aground." Mayra smiled bitterly.

"Kandas? Since when?" I turned wide, a little surprised when I heard Mayra's answer.

"Almost a month, Ra, it doesn't fit, '" he replied, like without a load.

"Not suitable, why?"

"Of course, don't discuss. That's called feeling sometimes, isn't it? Appear alone, self-file." Mayra sipped her drink again.

"If about .. work. You haven't stopped, May?" ask me slowly.

Mayra shook her head, "it's hard to stop. I've told you before, how difficult my position is."

I didn't answer, I just looked at him deeply. Verily I am very worried if he keeps dealing with the forbidden thing. However, there was nothing he could do. The circumstances that forced him to act so.

"Condition your expression, Ra. I'm fine, you don't have to worry. Consider it an additional job, who knows the money can be saved, make a trip around the world." Mayra spoke while laughing crisply.

I laughed too, but the laughter was bitter more precisely. I know, deep down, Mayra is bearing a pretty heavy burden. All was clearly visible from the net spot full of confusion. However, he tried to be tough. Maybe that was the way to fight the fear lodged in his mind.

_______

The beautiful building is simple, clearly visible in front of the netra. I smiled when the car that was taking me stopped in the yard.

A house that bears a silent witness to my way of life. A house in which lived an angelic hearted woman.

"Mom, I'm home" my mind with eyes that begin to glaze over.

These eyes can never be compromised. It's always watery, every time I set foot here. Touched, happy, and somehow feeling what else I can't interpret his name. All mixed and churned in the mind.

"Come, Ra." Mayra opened the car door and stepped down.

"Yes." Yeah." I nodded and went out. Then, we both stepped into the house which happened to be wide open.

"Assalamu'alaikum, Mother," I shouted, arriving in the living room.

"Waalaikumsalam," said Mother from within.

Shortly after, I heard footsteps approaching.

"Gee, Grandma's granddaughter is coming. Adudu is beautiful, here is Grandma's cradle. Grandma is very confused with Dara." Mom grabbed Dara's body and held her.

"Which house is it from?" ask Mother.

"From home, Mom. Oh yeah, it's a little lunch. I'm taking it to the kitchen, Mom." I answered while carrying away a paper bag filled with food.

"If you don't have to bother here, Ra, like who you are" said Mother.

"No hassle, Mom, this just happened to stop by the stall." I went back to Mom, after putting food on the kitchen table.

"How are you, May? It's been a long time since I've seen you" asked Mayra.

"Thank God be good, Bude. Lately there's been a little bit of activity. So ... haven't been here yet" replied Mayra.

"Have you done it, huh?"

"Alhamdulillah, it's Bude." Mayra nodded with a smile.

"Thank God, good luck, son, the job," Mother said.

"Amin, hopefully, Bude."

We gathered in the middle room. Talking while looking at Dara's funny behavior that I let crawl on the mat. Sometimes we were amazed, and sometimes we laughed.

"Oh yeah, Ra, yesterday someone sent you stuff" said Mother, which left me winceingly.

"Who, Ma?" my many.

"Mother doesn't know either, there's no sender's name. At her outer address, the item was meant for Mom, which is why I received it. But, after I opened it, it turned out to be for you" I replied.

"What stuff, Mom?" my question, curious.

"Mmm .. You see for yourself. A minute, I'll get it." Mother said as she moved from her seat.

Mayra and I looked at each other. He raised both eyebrows, as if asking about the item Mother meant. I responded by shrugging my shoulders. As a sign that I don't know either.

Seriate...