Taint

Flavour Phrases

A breath that was mutual, became the only sound that filled the silence. Dinner is over, the table is back as clean as ever. Aunty washes dirty utensils in the kitchen, while Ms. Fatimah, she calms Dara down and escorts her to the lena realm.

Right now, it's just me and Brother Darren sitting in the dining room. We kept quiet while playing the glass in our hands. I don't know why he didn't open his voice. Could he feel as awkward as me?

"Kirana," call Brother Darren, break the silence.

"Yes, Brother." I stared at him briefly. However, he did not look at me at all. His face lowered, as if there was a disturbing burden.

"What are you thinking?" asked Darren with a heavy tone.

"A ... I, I don't .. mmm___" I staggered and failed to answer her question. There's a lot I've been thinking about, but I don't know which one to mention.

"How do you judge ... about me?" asked Brother Darren, who suddenly made me gasp.

I coughed my real head off itchy. Again, I was faced with a complicated question. How should I answer it?

The first thing that was most appropriate to define her was 'handsome', but there was no way I could answer her with that word.

"Do you think I'm a good person, or .. might you think otherwise?" Brother Darren looked at me fixedly, and this action made me bow down instantly.

"Of course you're a good man, brother. From the beginning we knew each other, I didn't see the bad side in you" I replied. "It's just that your attitude is weird sometimes" I told him in my heart.

"You're wrong." Brother Darren said while taking his eyes off. Now, the net is staring flat ahead.

"Wrong?" Repeat speech.

"I am so bad and despicable. Even so dejected, to the point that I feel unworthy of having love for you" replied Darren.

Whatdoes thatmean?

Speaking of contempt, I am someone who deserves that word. So why does Brother Darren call himself despicable? What is his past like? And again, he also called the word love. Was that feeling in his heart?

I let out a long sigh, "don't talk about contempt, Brother. I'm sure you already know about me."

"I'm a lot worse than you are" murmured Kak Darren, very quietly.

I looked at his face which was now looking down. In my heart I tried to guess, what happened to him?

His breathing sounded heavy, as if there was pressure suffocating his chest.

"Lelaki is like Brother Darren, Could he also have difficulties?" I sat there while still looking at him.

"Since I first saw you on campus, I've put you in a homesick room. As time went on, we got to know each other, and during that time I became more and more aware, that the seed of love was beginning to exist. I am not a manly man, who so easily expresses feelings to a girl. In this case .. I am very pessimistic, even more so when seeing your seriousness in forging education. I don't want to bother you. But ... that bravery, became the biggest mistake of my life. Rela is not willing, circumstances force me to see you smile with another love" said Kak Darren.

I bite my lips hard. There is a sense of tightness that squeezes the breathing cavity, when hearing Kak Darren's confession. He loved me a long time ago, and I didn't realize it at all. Why am I that cruel?

"I was very angry then. Daniel Non-Muslim, what do you expect from him? Relationships over differences are more often wound up, because belief is not something that is easy to resist. I'm upset, why don't you think that far? Why are you not aware of the attention and feelings I give you? But ... I can't do much, because I don't have any rights over you." Brother Darren is getting down and the grip on his glass is getting stronger.

I'm hurt, aware of your growing relationship with Daniel. I was disappointed, and that disappointment got me to the wrong point. I'm sorry, I don't mean to blame you, all this happened because of my weak faith. I explained it, because I've talked about a lot of things when we met at the restaurant. I want to straighten it out," continued Darren, still with a long sentence.

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Now I understand why at that time Darren said words of frustration. I let him down, I broke his heart. Wait .. broken heart. Suddenly I remembered the poem I received a few days ago. Could it be that the one who sent the rhyme was Brother Darren?

"I tried so long to erase this feeling, but it failed." Brother Darren shook his head with a bitter smile. "Kirana, if I ask you to get married, do you want to?" continued.

Brother Darren turned to look at me, and now our eyes are clashing with each other. My heart was pounding, and my blood flow was heating up when I heard his unexpected question.

"I___"

"Or are you rejecting me?" concluded Kak Darren with a little high intonation.

"Mmmm i___"

"I don't care if you refuse. I'm self-conscious, Kirana, I'm too despicable for you." Darren threw away a glance. He scratched his sweaty temple.

"Don't get me wrong, I don't reject you" I said, also with high intonation.

"So you accepted me? You want to marry me?" ask Darren who then makes me flutter. Our eyes clashed again, and it made me even more nervous.

"Mmm I mean it's not like that either. Please calm down and let me talk." Gulp the rest of the drink up the toilet. My throat suddenly dried up after hearing the expression of feeling.

Brother Darren smiled as he nodded, as a gesture that he gave me time to talk.

"I don't mind anything you've ever made, as long as it doesn't continue to this day. We live in the present, not in the past. Let the past be a lesson to the future. I'm sure you know what happened to me. Even though I am now under the hijab, my past is still the same. I am still the old Kirana, Kirana who was once humiliated in the pit of sin" I explained at length.

I saw Brother Darren remain unmoved, then I resumed my sentence.

"Sister, marriage is not a game. My hope is that there should be no second marriage, let alone a third. Once enough I sat in front of the ruler and testified with holy words. Just one husband, my whole life. For that, I need to think carefully," I said, this time looking down.

"If my past doesn't matter, then what makes you tick?" ask Brother Darren.

"It's .. it's about taste," I replied slowly and carefully. I'm afraid my words offend Brother Darren.

"I realized I wasn't a romantic guy, who was good at stringing diction or poetry. I suck at the word, I can't seduce with rhymes. But, I have a love, which I believe is no smaller than Daniel's. In my own way, I will make you happy and ... make you fall in love" said Darren complete with a wide smile, whose sweetness is above average.

I lowered my head, hiding the warmth that began to spread in my face. Ahh, what's wrong with me?

"However ... before answering yes or no, I want to ask you one thing, Kirana. Are you really not concerned about my past?" ask Brother Darren. The anxiety murat was clearly visible on his face.

I didn't have time to answer her question, she first opened her voice.

"I once__" Brother Darren hung up his sentence and looked at me without blinking.

Seriate...