Taint

Daniel's Wish

The clockwork that hung on the wall of the living room, became the only sound that filled the silence between us.

Daniel and I were sitting at a distance that was not too close. My heart was pounding, waiting for the sentence after sentence he was about to throw.

Dusk has long been extinguished, I also have finished praying Maghrib congregation. During the wait, Daniel plays with Dara. Although they had never met before, Dara was very happy to be in Daniel's arms. Is that the bond between father and son?

A few seconds ago, Ms. Fatimah took Dara to the living room. He gave us a chance to speak with four eyes, maybe he already knew if Daniel was Dara's real father.

"Thank you, Ra, you've pinned Dara's name to our son" Daniel said, breaking the silence.

"That's a good name, I like it too." I answered while looking down.

I dare not look at Daniel. His chocolate bead was still quite capable of shaking my heart and soul. For so long we did not meet, so long I tried to remove the taste, but it turned out to be in vain. If I forget about it, there are no meaningful results. This love remains imprinted and this heart remains locked, only for him.

"Oh my God, why is this feeling still clearly present. I try to forget it. Please servant, O Allah, I do not want to continue to be tormented with the wrong taste" I said in my heart.

"Kirana, I'm sorry. I have misjudged the situation, I was stupid in understanding the situation. I have destroyed you, and I have also put you in a very difficult position. I'm really sorry, Kirana" Daniel said.

I smiled wryly, the memory of Reza back flashed in the memories. I slowly bit my lips, holding back the pain that was coming from the old wound.

"I think Reza really loves you, that's why I put you there, because we've no hope of being together. I didn't think at all, if he was just Mama's man. I'm sorry I was so late to realize all this, Kirana," Daniel continued.

I was still unmoved, too hard to say a word. I owe him an apology, actually. I used to curse and hold him irresponsible. I was wrong to judge him.

"I flew straight home, knowing the truth. But it is very difficult to find you. So long searching, I didn't get a bright spot, and .. only today did I manage to find you." Daniel was still talking.

"You know where, if ... Reza's not sincere?" I asked nervously.

"Rena told me. The day after you left, he called me and told me everything. He asked me to help him find you, he was worried about you" replied Daniel who then made me gape in disbelief.

"Rena?" I repeated Daniel's words while raising my face.

All this time, my relationship with him wasn't good enough. Then why would he think of me?

"He's actually nice, but sometimes his mouth is spicy. He didn't know I was in the field. After knowing I was there, he tried to find you, Kirana, but it didn't work." Daniel shook his head slowly.

"I went far away that day." I took a long breath. "Daniel, I .. I'm sorry too, I misjudged you. I'm sorry, yes," I said.

"It is not your fault, it is a condition that deliberately makes us misunderstand" said Daniel.

The atmosphere between us was quiet again. But this time it was not only the clock ticking that was heard, but also the roar of heavy breathing that was mutual.

I was managing my feelings, while reassuring myself that I was okay without Daniel. I'm sure Daniel is the same. Judging from his silence, he must be struggling with his own feelings.

"Kirana."

"Daniel."

I looked back down while linking my fingers. That awkward feeling becomes even more, when we call each other at the same moment.

"Speak" said Daniel. She commented on the wide smile that was still as sweet as before.

"I want to run away from this place. I've promised to keep my eyes on her, but she's really tarnishing my eyes. Ahh, the temptation of this handsome shetan is his name," I grumbled in my heart.

"Where do you know I'm here?" ask me carefully.

"A week ago, my friend saw you at the store. He was shopping and said you were joking with the employees there. Actually, I wanted to find you immediately .. but there was a slight obstacle, so it was only today that I was able to find information about you. I went to the store and asked the employee there, there happened to be Fatimah as well. After I wondered and gave an explanation, Ms. Fatimah invited me here," Daniel replied at length.

"Oh, so." I nodded slowly.

Truly I wonder what kind of obstacle Daniel is going through. Looking at the look on his sad face, I'm sure the obstacle isn't simple. But I hesitated to ask.

"Where were you going, Ra?" ask Daniel.

"I was about to go to Turen, but failed. I met Mommy on the street, and .. I decided to follow her. Thanks to Mother, I can be a better person" I replied, not lying, but also not explaining in detail.

"Have you gone through a hard time, Kirana?" ask Daniel. He stared fixedly at me.

"I didn't find it difficult, because I got through it." I shook my head while smiling.

"I'm sorry, Kirana. I promise, there won't be a second time. In the future, we will pass the joy of grief together," said Daniel.

I cringe in wonder, what does that mean?

"I want to take care of Dara and you, forever," Daniel said earnestly.

"Niel, what do you mean? We're different, we can't be together." I looked at Daniel's face, which still had a sad look.

"In Indonesia it is not allowed, but we can do it abroad. We'll marry with different beliefs, Kirana. I can't bear to let you go through everything on your own, I want to always be by your side." Daniel was about to hold my hand, but I avoided him.

"I'm sorry" said Daniel, and I responded with a nod.

"We can't do it, Niel. In my belief, it is not legal to marry a non-Muslim man. After all, the husband is a priest, he will guide his wife to smell the fragrance of heaven. So, if the priest was not convinced, how could he possibly guide his wife. I'm sorry, Daniel, I really can't" I refused, complete with a long excuse.

"Actually, even in my belief it is not much different, but we have no other choice, Kirana.

If our marriage is not legal, I am ready to take care of myself. I won't touch you until the end. I just want to take care of you and my son. I want Dara to be happy, to have parents like any other child" Daniel said, still sticking to his wishes.

"What are you talking about, Niel? Marriage is not a game. Lest we tarnish the sacred bond with something wrong, sin, Niel.

After all, we can't keep ourselves forever. Without bonding we go beyond the limit, then what if we stay one roof and there is a marriage license? We can't help ourselves, Daniel." I sipped a glass of sweet tea that was almost cold. I wet my throat which was starting to dry.

Silent. For a few seconds, Daniel remained silent. He blinked quickly while sighing that sounded heavy.

"Kirana," he called, in the second minute.

"Hmm." I glanced at him briefly.

"If I follow your faith, will your answer change?" ask Daniel.

I was shocked to hear Daniel's question. His brown eyes did imply seriousness, but I also caught a trace of a wound clearly on his face.

Seriate...