Taint

Seeking a Substitute

The hour hand was showing at 11:00 p.m., but my eyes were still awake. I lay on the bed looking at the ceiling. My mind was in turmoil, Kak Darren's attitude and Aunt Nia's words continued to ring in memory.

"What plan does Aunt Nia mean, and ... who is her interlocutor? Maybe they'll hurt me?" I muttered slowly.

After hearing her talk earlier this afternoon, I was overwhelmed with endless anxiety. I was scared when I ate the dish he served. I'm afraid there are levels of poison or other dangerous drugs that are deliberately disguised in my diet.

Although I came out of his house in good condition, but the anxiety was not immediately gone. On the way home, I bought a lot of coconut water. Some I spend at one time, and some I take home. I'm just in case Aunt Nia gives me a poison whose effects appear in the long run.

Maybe my attitude is excessive, but I just reflect on my past stories. I am often met with people who are two-faced. So, there's no harm if now I'm more vigilant.

I rose from my sleep carefully, so as not to wake Dara who was asleep in her dreams. I got out of bed and sat in a chair, in front of a table.

Scratch a bottle of mineral water and partially gulp. Then I propped up my chin while staring at the clockwork.

"What does Darren mean? He said he was frustrated in the past, what have I done? Did I ever harm him? Ahh, my brain is thinking hard, right," I said alone.

"Seeing from his attitude and expression, he was kind of jealous, but what yes was possible. He was a near-perfect figure, he was way above me. How could he have felt the same way about me, and again..why did he say that about Daniel, what does he know about Dara?" I exhaled my breath violently.

There are so many questions that need answers, but unfortunately none that I managed to solve. All collected into complex problems that mess with the mind, without tolerance.

__________

All night I couldn't close my eyes for a second. Restless and restless beat the drowsiness until dawn breaks. The tahajjud prayers and the dawn prayers have been done, but the inner calm has not yet been obtained. Aunt Nia's speech and Kak Darren's strange demeanor were still looming, forcing my brain to think hard.

Shakes the phone on the table, stopping my activity that was exposing the window curtain. I hurried to pick it up and read one incoming message sent by Mayra. Ever since I reunited with Mom, I started contacting Mayra. He was the best friend I ever had, uncomfortable with constantly losing contact with him.

If it is like that, it is better that you just tell the same story as your mother.

I clucked softly, as I read a message from Mayra. He's coming up with a solution to a problem I told you about last night, about Aunt Nia's plan.

The solution made me think hard. The relationship between Ms. Fatimah and Aunt Nia is very good. They knew him long before Fatimah knew me. Is it worth it to stretch their relationship?

Without sending a reply, I put my phone back where it was. Then I pulled my hair and walked out of the room.

Just as I opened the door, my eyes immediately caught the figure of Fatimah Maam stepping towards me.

"Mother," I said.

"Good morning, Kirana. It just so happens that you've come out, just wanted Mommy to call." Fatimah smiled.

"So still accompany Dara, Mother. He was crying, I thought I was going to wake up, but I went back to sleep, "I lied.

"It's okay, now let's have breakfast. Mother cook your favorite mushroom soup," said Ms. Fatimah.

"Breakfast, Mother?" I turn wide.

The hour hand did not even show the number 6, but Ms. Fatimah had invited me to breakfast. Usually, in these hours we still help Auntie cook in the kitchen.

"Yes." Yeah." Fatimah nodded.

"Cock, tumben, Mother? Isn't it still very early in the morning?" I asked back.

"Sorry, Kirana, yesterday Mother forgot to tell you. Today, Mommy wants to take you to Sarah's mother's house. Incidentally there is another event there, so all of you know them. Wanna?" We continued talking as we walked towards the dining room.

"Mmmm, how are you, Mother," I said, without giving certainty.

I coughed my head that did not itch, honestly I was very reluctant to follow him. The woman called 'Mbak Sarah' was the woman who had helped him in the past. I'm afraid they're looking at me with one eye, if they know who I really am. Besides, my mind is still pretty messed up, I shouldn't have added another burden.

"Why?" asked Fatimah, when we arrived at the dining room.

"But what?" concluded Bu Fatimah.

"I'm tired, Mother." I answered while looking down.

I'm not lying, because my mind is tired right now.

"Mmm so yeah. It's okay, you rest at home. Later, let Mother herself come there," said Ms. Fatimah.

Although he smiled, but I could see clearly disappointed in his face.

"I'm sorry, yes, Mother," I said slowly.

"It's okay, there's another time. Yeah, right?"

"Yes, Mother." I nodded with a smile.

Then, Ms. Fatimah poured warm tea into the glass and poured it on me.

"I'm sorry, Mommy, I don't drink tea just yet." I got out of my chair and walked to the corner of the room. I'm gonna get something out of the fridge.

"Would you like a cold drink?" ask Ms. Fatimah.

"Yes, Mommy, it looks fresher." I answered with a smile. Then I brought a bottle of coconut water that I bought yesterday.

"It's still morning, Ra, don't you have a toothache?" Fatimah looked at me in surprise.

"No, Mommy, this is a big shot," my answer, without fading a smile.

"When do you like coconut water?" ask Ms. Fatimah.

"Mmm I used to like it anyway, Mother, only after Dara's pregnancy I don't want to, and like it again only now," I replied, lying. There's no way I'm telling you the real reason, drinking coconut water for fear of being poisoned by Aunt Nia.

"Oh yes, Ra," said Ms. Fatimah, as I was back in my seat. "News from Daniel, how?"

"Not yet to tell you, Mother, maybe he is trying to get to know Islam. He asked for two months, and this ... hasn't even been a week," I replied with an ever-expanding smile.

"If he fails to believe in Islam, what will you do, Kirana?"

Just touching the question of Ms. Fatimah made me flabbergasted, until unconsciously my finger gripped tightly on the edge of the plate. What Ms. Fatimah said is not impossible, but my heart strongly rejects that possibility.

"Why did Mother ask that?" I asked back.

I don't know what happened to Fatimah. When Daniel met me some time ago, Ms. Fatimah was very supportive. If only in two months Daniel failed to fall in love with Islam, Ms. Fatimah gave me advice to give a longer tempo. Ms. Fatimah really wished Daniel to be the real mu'allaf, because he knew how much I felt for him.

"Sorry, Mommy just wants to know your response about another possibility" replied Ms. Fatimah.

"I .. I still don't know, Mother. Just imagine, it feels so heavy." I said with a bland smile.

"Mother there is a solution, if only it really happened," said Bu Fatimah.

"What solution, Mother?" ask him.

"Searching for replacements. Mother knows, you love Daniel very much, but .. If Allah does not show him the way to love Islam, then Allah did not create him for you. Harboring feelings without any clarity is very painful, Mommy understands very well about it. So, learn to open your heart to another love, so that you are happy and the pain will fade. Mommy means not dating you know, but accepting the love of a man who is ready to marry you," explained Bu Fatimah at length.

I looked at Ms. Fatimah's face tightly. Eyesight and lines of laughter that seem real, as if implying another message that is difficult to touch. What does it mean?

Seriate...