Taint

I'm sorry, Ra!

The rustling of the wind shook the leaves, becoming the only sound that filled the void between us. Daniel and I stayed silent for a long time without a word. He kept staring at the test pack I was still holding. As for me, I kept staring at his facial expression.

"Daniel!" call me after a long time in silence.

My heart was sliced with pain when I saw him silent without a word. Could it be that he would run away, and not want to take responsibility?

"Kirana, why, why did this happen? Hmmm I mean, mmm don't I always use safety, why can you get pregnant?"

The 'why' question that came out of Daniel's mouth made my tears melt without being asked. I don't know why that question sounds so painful. I felt like Daniel was very reluctant about my pregnancy. Did Daniel really just like my body, without having any genuine feelings of love?

"Kirana, don't cry! Sorry if my words offended you. That's not what I mean, I just, I'm just shocked." Daniel wiped my tears with his fingers.

"We've done it a lot, Niel, not just once or twice. Maybe one of them has a mistake that we are not aware of. I'm just in touch with you, Niel," I said on the sidelines of the increasingly broken cries.

"Yes, I believe. I'm sorry if my words offended you" Daniel said.

"Then how?" ask her.

"I'm definitely responsible" Daniel said. His words sounded firm and serious.

"You're gonna marry me?" Slowly I started to smile. If he wants to marry me, this disgrace will not spread everywhere. There is still hope to reach the goal.

"of course. Kirana, I love you, and you're pregnant with my son. I might have ignored it. Follow my faith, and I will marry you soon. We build our love, in a real bond." Daniel smiled as he clasped my finger.

The smile I just noticed faded again. I thought Daniel was gonna follow my faith, but why did he tell me to convert. No, I cannot abandon my religion.

"Austenance!"

"Austenance!"

"Austenance!"

The voice of Daniel that called me many times, only I let it melt with the wind. These lips could no longer say a word, only tears spoke.

"Kirana, what's wrong? Why are you crying more? Kirana, I must be in charge, what's the problem?" ask Daniel quickly.

"Daniel!" After a few seconds of arranging my heart, I finally had the power to open my voice. I called out his name, raising my face.

"I can't abandon my faith" I said softly, but I'm sure Daniel can hear it.

I saw Daniel's body stiffen, what he was thinking, suddenly letting go of his grasp.

"Why, Ra?" daniel asked in a soft voice.

"Daniel, faith is everything to me. My religion is my life guide, where can I just leave it. I thought you were going to follow my faith." I looked down, staring at the fingers I had stuck on my lap.

"Kirana, I can't do it. I will hold fast to this belief until the end of my life."

I was shocked when I heard Daniel's answer. If we hold each other to our beliefs, then how will this relationship continue, what is the future of the fetus that began to grow in my womb?

"Daniel, why don't you think of me!" I shouted with tears still breaking. I got up from my seat, and stared intently at Daniel.

I ruffled my hair violently. This fact, it's really hard for me to accept.

"Kirana, listen to me!" Daniel moved along, and again clasped my finger. "I want to take responsibility, I really want to marry you. But please understand, I can't abandon my faith" he continued.

"Keep how?"

"Follow my faith, I will marry you soon" replied Daniel.

Long enough I was silent, my mind raging at the thought of the whack of trouble.

Daniel and I sat in the middle of the garden. Only a gust of wind moved the hair and clothes we were wearing.

"Daniel!" call me after a few minutes have passed.

"Hmmm," muttered Daniel.

"What if I can't follow your faith?" I'm with a fast-paced heart.

Daniel stared at my face long enough, then I saw the lips move and muttered a few words.

"I'm sorry, Ra! If you stick to your faith, I can't marry you, even if there's my son in your stomach. I love you, but I love my faith more. By force, I'll let you give birth, without the bond of marriage."

Daniel's words were like lightning striking right in the heart, sick, very sick. I couldn't sacrifice my faith for her. But on the other hand, I also don't want my son to be born without a father figure.

I was in a dilemma, a belief and the future was at a crossing point. I inhaled and scattered, leaving the broken heart debris.

"You can do that, Niel, after all I've given you, is this your reward?" I looked at those brown eyes with sadness. Hope there's a little pity left.

"I had no other choice, Ra. If you don't want to follow my faith, what can I do" Daniel replied.

"Why aren't you the only one who moved beliefs? I gave everything for you, Niel. Won't you sacrifice a little for me?"

"I'm sorry, Ra. I can't sacrifice my faith." Daniel gave the same answer.

"Four more months I've interned, my ideals are almost achieved, Niel. But, if I get pregnant and no one marries me, this disgrace must rob me of everything, my efforts for so long will be in vain. Daniel, for the sake of paying for my college, Mom and Dad were sweating day and night. Do you have the heart, to waste their old struggle? Do you have the heart, to see me as a gossip? Daniel, if you're really in love, you're not going to get it, are you?"

I kept begging him. I no longer think about self-worth, after all since I gave up my honor, my pride has fallen.

"I don't have the heart, but I don't have a way. Kirana, that belief is already ingrained in the heart. I'm sure you understand what I mean. I'm not leaving faith, for anything. Kirana, I'm sorry!"

My tears flowed more and more, after hearing Daniel's apology. No matter how hard I persuaded him, he was still clinging to his beliefs.

In Nestapa, I felt the warmth of Daniel's fingers rubbing my tears. Then I looked up, and looked at his face. I saw her eyes glazed over, and it didn't take long, clear circles falling down her cheeks.

My heart was touched when I saw her crying, even though I didn't know, it was a genuine or fake tear. But what seemed real in the netra, this second he was also injured.

I didn't refuse, as she hugged me tightly. Although I don't know what our relationship will be like after this, but obviously I'm still comfortable leaning against his chest.

Seriate...