I'm Not Him

28

Rania shed tears as she looked at the painting that Beni had shown. His hand slowly touched the face in the painting.

~So this is Dila's family. She's so beautiful, it's like I've seen them. When yes!~ Rania's heart whispers to herself.

"Beautiful!" rania said spontaneously as she touched Dila's mother's face in the painting.

Beni smile.

"There's actually been something strange about me lately" Beni said.

Rania was still silent in front of her painting.

"All the memories of your face are faint in my memory. But I want to make a surprise for you who now want to accept me as I am. So I took one of your photos in momi's study. Then I painted" explained Beni.

Rania rounded her eyes, without turning around, she listened to all of Beni's words.

~Work space?~ he started thinking.

"It's okay if all the faint memories are visible, the important thing is that you're here is the same as me" Beni said.

His hand grabbed Dila's hand and pulled her slowly closer to him. Rania slowly approached and sat down on the bed beside Beni.

Beni stroked her hair and hooked it in Dila's ears. He also caressed her cheeks and lips.

Rania was silent. Beni was about to bring her face closer.

"You know why Bondan brought me here?" ask Rania suddenly.

Beni stopped and turned her face in annoyance as Dila discussed Bondan as she was about to kiss him.

Rania takes Beni's hand that was detached from her.

"He wants to keep something" continued Rania.

Beni turned her head and looked at her very tumben hand in hand then looked at Dila's face.

"You mean?" asked Beni by frowning her forehead because she did not understand.

Rania breathed.

"He is trying to maintain the integrity of this house. Defending you to remain her family" said Rania.

Beni averted her eyes and fell silent.

"But Benk, none of that would have worked if only Bondan had tried"

Ben looked at him again.

"Yes, everything will be useless if others do not know the purpose and only think about self-interest" continued Rania.

Beni let go of Dila's hand and looked the other way with a thought to speak.

"Bondan's brother and I are not siblings. Ever since I became Ardiana Atmajaya's son I've always been pressured to be on a level with Bondan's sister. Papi. I mean Ardiana never knew that I wanted to be myself and no one else. Every day, every time he was compared to her. I've been stressed since I was a kid. Bondan has always been the center of attention. Everyone praised him because he was smart. Then naturally if he and I are in front of people, they all compare with me who in their eyes is nothing" said Beni.

Rania rounded her eyes, surprised Beni was so calm as she recounted her pain.

"And momi, same thing. He wants me to surpass Bondan. Brother Bondan always grabs my hand when I fall. Pulling my hands together when people compare them so I don't feel alone. But the better he is the more I hate him. Especially when you seem to like it from a small age. I hate him so much" Beni continued.

Rania was silent not commenting.

"I am very satisfied with Ardiana's decision to match us both. I can make Brother Bondan angry because I'm with you often. But it had absolutely no effect on him. He seemed happy with my happiness. As if I had no heart, keep learning and working"

The room was silent for a moment, as Beni was silent.

"I always see Momi being rude to her. But he always thought of her as his real mother. I thought more and more, is he really numb? Why would he survive the mother's treatment and continue to be a good child for him. Is he stupid? Or does he have other intentions?"

Beni shed tears considering her mom's treatment of Bondan which she thought was very inappropriate for a mother.

He wiped his tears and tried to stop him.

Rania feels successful in building up Beni's affection for her brother. He was silent and did nothing to calm her down. Just staring and listening to Beni who increasingly changed his feelings because of his own words.

Beni sighed deeply and looked at Dila.

"I wanted you to stay with me just to make Bondan jealous, make Momi stop asking me to be someone else. When you chose to break up, I was upset and it was as if someone was whispering to me that Bondan would be satisfied and laugh behind me. Then momi..he...." Beni started to panic and gasp.

Rania clasped her hand again, but Beni remained panicked. Then Rania hugged him, Beni sobbed. Rania was surprised by what happened.

~What happened to them? Bondan was so tough and neatly hid his pain. While Beni is so fragile and can't help it~ said his heart.

"You know, he's been doing it since I was a kid. I can't stand it, I want to get away from him. I'm tired!" beni cried begging him.

Finally Beni fell asleep in Rania's lap. He tried to make Beni sleep with a pillow and make her comfortable.

Rania came out of Beni's room and went to her room. Rania's steps came to a halt as she stared at the stairs. He remembered Beni's remark that took one of Dila's photos from his mother's study.

Rania glanced to the right and to the left looking at the situation that looked lonely. He stepped slowly up the stairs towards Anita's study.

It was late at night, the rooms of everyone he passed by were tightly closed. There was no sound other than the beating of the huge wall clock that was on the top floor, as if following Rania's very careful steps.

Rania looked at the door of Anita's study, then looked at the bottom of the door that still seemed to light the light.

~Anita is still here!~ speak his heart.

Rania panicked and confused about where to hide. But she stopped moving as Anita sounded like she was talking.

"I got the picture, but there's something strange. I want you to send me pictures of people who are now friends" Anita said.

She was silent for a moment, Rania kept her ears fixed so as not to miss a single word Anita said.

"What?"

Anita's voice sounded surprised, she almost shouted but closed her mouth so as not to sound too loud.

Rania frowned, she was very curious about what Anita heard from her phone.

"Destiny is always surprising. Send me their photos tomorrow. I wanted to do something for them so that she would be shunned" Anita said.

Rania heard the remarks as a cover of all her conversations with someone on the other end of the phone. He rushed to find a place to hide.

Anita hung up the phone and walked out of her study. He looked to the right and to the left, everything was dark. He continued his steps towards his room.

But when he opened the door, he stopped and fell silent as if he was thinking. Rania who saw him from where he was hiding, was astonished to see him speechless.

~Why he's not in, come on in!~ said Rania's heart became panicked.

"I have to watch the girl a lot, she's smart, she could be planning to run away or fight me" Anita murmured.

Anita closed the door of her room and walked downstairs.

~Where is he going?~ Rania getting panicked.

Anita went down the stairs, Rania followed her.

Anita enters Beni's room slowly, then closes it.

Rania hurried to walk with her sandals in her hands. He quickly went into his room. But unfortunately when Rania had just entered, Anita had already come out of Beni's room and walked quickly to open the door of her room.

Anita was shocked to look at Rania who was in front of her. She felt awkward about entering Rania's room all of a sudden. But the suspicion made him ask.

"What are you doing? You haven't slept?" ask Anita.

Rania pretended to have just woken up by opening her eyes as if she was very sleepy.

"I. I. want to see Beni for a moment, I think he forgot the cure. What are you doing yourself? Is getting into someone else's room your habit?" rania said while rubbing her eyes.

"This is my home, I want to do whatever it is my right. I also deserve to know if you're really trustworthy or not!" said Anita.

Rania looked at him and took a deep breath.

"If you can't trust others, you'll be exhausted by doing everything yourself" Rania said.

Anita turned and was about to leave.

"The person you threatened me with getting hurt was someone I loved very much. And another one is that people love you so much" exclaimed Rania.

Anita paused for a moment from her steps.

"I will stay here, so that they both live and become the ones I love and the ones who love you" Rania continued.

Anita understood Rania's words. He knew the person he meant by the one who loved him was Bondan. But Anita was expressionless, she turned around and looked at Rania.

"Good, then I'm not wrong to threaten you with those two people" Anita said.

Rania was astonished and upset to hear Anita's words that completely died her feelings.

"God, he's really mean" Rania murmured.

Anita went to her room.