I'm Not a Wild Grass

I Love You La.. (POV Kiyano)

Flashback a few hours ago..

I feel like a zombie. My work routine is still done every day. Go to work, go home, sleep. Go to work, go home, sleep.

It's always like that. I went through it all with a hollow feeling. Since the last time I met Laila. My queen of night (the queen of my night)..

The last time we met, I saw Laila joking with a man I knew very well, Erlan. Somehow Laila got along with Erlan? Though I heard Erlan had long quit her job as an OB, long before Laila had also submitted her resignation.

'Are they still on the phone a lot?' I'm busy guessing.

That day, I tried to get Laila to talk. I want to explain everything about me and Bella without anything else I'll cover from her. But Laila refused me. And he chose to leave me with Erlan.

I'm jealous too. And in the end, a fight between me and Erlan was inevitable. Unfortunately I lost to that young man breng sek!

Because of the many attacks I had on Erlan, I was only able to carry no more than five punches. While Erlan almost always managed to punch him in every attempt to attack me.

'Shit! Damnit damnit! Shit!'

I suddenly wished that I would learn martial arts. So I didn't end up pathetic under Erlan's punches back then.

And then, by accident, my punch hit Laila. While Erlan managed to avoid hitting Laila, when my woman suddenly appeared between me and Erlan.

I couldn't believe my hand. I'm really sorry that again I was only able to get my Laila hurt. Whether it's a heart injury or a physical injury. It's just the wounds and wounds that I gave to her.

I was so sorry and almost hated myself. Then Laila left. While I was still staring in disbelief at my own hand that had hurt her. Even though I was completely unintentional.

From that day on, I somehow decided to avoid Laila. I was too embarrassed and felt guilty for my Laila. So I thought about letting Laila go.

This situation continued for months.

...

Indeed, I still live my routine. But my heart has not felt alive since Laila's departure. I'm like a robot that works according to the system that has been set up on me, but I don't understand the meaning of the system itself.

My life is meaningless without Laila anymore.

Flash back done.

Until then fate brought us back last night. When I just got home from visiting Bella.

Bella secretly turns out Bella has stage 3 cervical cancer since almost a year ago. It turns out that the reason Bella used to change was because she was too worried about her illness.

I also regret why Bella did not immediately tell about her illness. I was her husband. And Bella also expressed her regret to me. Especially because of her indiscretion that has caused our marriage to be fractured.

I slowly started to forgive Bella. Mama Ira, my biological mother and in-laws used to often give me news about the chemo trip and the surgery that Bella had to undergo.

Hearing the story of Mama Ira, I feel sorry for my ex-wife. Until finally I decided to return to Bella since two months ago.

I did this at the request of my mother-in-law, Mama Ira.

Mama Ira begged me many times to get back to Bella. So that Bella's life spirit can be increased again.

I no longer feel pain when I remember Bella kissing Bayu. Because my mind was always on Laila who had left me.

But, one day Mama Ira came begging while kneeling before my feet. He said that Bella's health condition suddenly dropped dramatically.

Indeed, according to Mama Ira, Bella's health began to decline since the court's verdict had legalized divorce between us. Since I no longer have her husband status in the eyes of state law, Bella began to often neglect to take her medication.

Until finally Bella was in a critical condition because it was difficult to eat and take medication.

In the end, based on my love for Bella and also my respect for Mama Ira, I agreed to rejoin Bella. It was just as sirri, the only condition I had for Mama Ira.

Mama Ira has accepted my request. And he also asked to keep our meeting a secret from Bella.

Mama Ira did not want Bella to know that she had told him about the illness suffered by her daughter. Because indeed, until I asked for a referral, Bella never once talked about her illness to me.

Bella just said about the illness she suffered, when I asked for a referral to her. Be finally for these two months I went back and forth to town A to visit Bella.

Actually Bella wants to stay with me in town B. But I forbid it. I give the reason that all the best treatment for the disease is in town A. So let me visit him every weekend. And Bella accepted my reasoning.

There was actually another reason behind my decision. Namely I haven't been able to get my mind off Laila. That's why I feel guilty every time Bella shows me her affection. So more often than not I shy away from touching my wife.

Last night, I finally got back to Laila. The feeling of love and longing that I pointed at the sweet woman was immediately pounding my mind and taste so strongly.

Ever since I came back to Bella, I decided to forget how I felt about Laila. But somehow, when I saw him again accidentally, I was even struck by my feelings of love for him.

I refuse to forget my love for Laila. Because I still love her. And I'm sure Laila has the same taste for me. He still loves me as much as his old love for me.

I ended up thinking deeply all night. And I came to the decision to see Laila once again.

I'll tell Laila everything. How was my wedding trip with Bella even until the reason I refer back to her will also tell Laila.

I hope, at least I can accept Laila's forgiveness. Thank goodness she accepted my offer to marry him. With our marital status that I will make lawful both in religion and in the state.

Crazy one? Well. I've gone crazy for being too in love with my Laila. Because I realize now, that my love for her has taken too deep root in my heart.

Staying away from Laila will only drain my spirit power in life. Because I can't afford to part from him anymore.

Unfortunately, the next morning I met Laila at her house. Again Laila was even angry first without even listening to my words.

I knocked on his door many times. I told Laila a little bit about Bella's illness through the door. But Laila didn't come out to see me.

Until I finally heard his sobs that rained down and hurt my heart from behind the door I was knocking, only then did I realize that again I had hurt my love.

I hurt my Laila again.

Until finally, with a giant step I also passed home, bringing a piece of my heart that felt crumpled, broken and no longer intact.

'I love you, La. i love you.' my rapals in my heart, accompanied my steps that turned away.

***