I'm Not a Wild Grass

Destiny (POV Laila)

About half an hour later, I woke up from my second fainting spell. By then, Nunik had also come. Watching me cry so.

"Moon! Erlan, Nuns!" I'm caving. The wound that I felt every second was getting bigger.

My erlan. my sun..

'Why did the accident have to happen?! Why would Erlan have to experience it?!'

Various questions I screamed in my heart and also with my mouth. I don't care about my eyes starting to feel puffy, or my face that has been wet, soaked in tears.

I just want my Erlan. I want him to come back to me. If he can't come back, let me come with him. L'm..

"Sail. istighfar, il. istighfar.. Erlan was picked up by God. No one can change that decision because it is His destiny. All these events have been outlined by God, il. we must be able to accept them.." Nunik advised me.

"But why should Erlan, Nun?! Why don't I.."

"RABELLA! Don't you say that! Sin, il! Every one of us who lives in this world must have brought their own destiny path. Sickness, death and soul mate are things that only Allah knows. Against those three things there's nothing we can do but accept them,"

"There must be a purpose for every event that happens. There is always the best wisdom in every opportunity. Lail is still alive because God still wants to test Lail in this world. Remember also the same two dede utun in your stomach, il. there are still those who need Lail! And we all love you, too, so Lail's not alone. We are also sad with you, il.."

"Cry if it makes Lail feel better. But do not let me roar and lament sorrow for too long. Because Lail's unreachability on Erlan's death can have a bad impact also for Erlan in his new nature."

"Crying, il. cried until Lail forgot the taste of the wound. But don't linger. Because Lail should be able to get up after that, too. There is still life to live, il. There are still two new lives in your stomach, which Lail must fight."

"Lail doesn't want to, right, if something bad happens the same as two dede utun?"

Instantly I shook my head quickly many times in Nunik's arms.

"If so, Lail should be able to get up quickly! Don't wail! Learn to accept Erlan's death. Lail knows the final destination your husband is aiming for, il?"

And I also remembered my conversation with Nunik a few weeks ago. Nunik had just regained his senses from a coma.

Flashback..

"Nun is in a very beautiful garden, il. Where there are many types of flowers with their colorful so brilliant and like luminous. Like the luminous effect. Even so, looking at the expanse of flowers did not make Nun's eyes hurt.." Nunik began his dream story while he was still in a coma.

"Nun was happy to linger in the park. Because the air there also feels different from any place Nun has ever visited. Even there it looked like it was still morning. Always morning.. Although there is no visible sun in any part of the sky either.."

"Nun also smelled a heart-soothing fragrance. How does Nun have to describe it like. It smells like something very fragrant and makes Nun very, very happy.."

"Then Nun saw there was a very magnificent gate and again beautiful. Crowds of people entered the place, either one by one, both, or in groups. Nun went there too. Nun's heart draws Nun to go there.."

"His dearest when Nun was already standing in front of her, Nun's steps were blocked by a man standing in front of that gate. The man forbade Nun to enter the place inside that magnificent gate.."

"Nun then peeked, past the gate. And Nun was amazed by the many magnificent and beautiful buildings that were like they were made of colorful crystals.. Nun wanted to come in like the others. But Nun is not allowed in.."

"Then shortly after, Nun heard the voice of another person whom Lail knew very well."

"Whose voice, Nun?" Ask me who is so late in his story Nunik.

For some reason, I was struck by a concern between wanting to know or being indifferent to the figure that Nunik met in his coma dream.

"Erlan.." replied Nunik straightforwardly.

"Nun meets Erlan at that magical place, il.. Nun also could not explain why Erlan could be in Nun's dream. But Nun was afraid to tell Lail what happened next." said Nunik hesitantly.

"Say me, Nun. It's just a dream, isn't it?" My original speech.

After a while, Nunik continued his story.

"Erlan also tried to enter through the beautiful gate, il. but just like Nun, Erlan was also not allowed to pass through the magnificent gate. But.."

"But..?" I asked, when Nunik too long paused his sentence.

"But there was the gatekeeper's line to Erlan that made Nun uncomfortable when she heard it..."

"..what's the sentence, Nun?" Ask me with my heart beating so fast.

Nunik looked at me with a restless look. I almost thought that he wouldn't continue his words anymore. Though I also half wished that Nunik would not continue his story again. Yet..

"Say the guard to Erlan. 'you wait a while longer. The time for you will soon come, ' said the guard, il.."

For a few moments, the atmosphere of silence in the room of his Nunik's hospital. My mouth seemed to have forgotten how to speak. Or I forgot to put words together. So that I could only stare at Nunik in silence.

We looked at each other in silence for a while. Suddenly we were shocked by the open door. And I was shocked when I found my Erlan who had been standing in front of the door.

My real Erlan is in the world. It was no longer maya like the one in Nunik's dream.

Flash back off.

Back to this moment. When Nunik reminded me to stay strong and accept Erlan's death.

Nunik cupped my face with both his hands. Stared at his two eyes I was fixed by his two starry beads.

I still sob softly. My eyes still shed their tears. That tightness still squeezes my chest tightly.

"You know what, il, where is Erlan headed right now?" That Nunik phrase seeped into my mind.

While I was trying to find an answer to that question, Nunik continued to speak.

"He was picking up his destiny, il! He has faced Him! And you don't tell me you want to come after him! Because Lail's time to meet God will surely come later."

"Nun's time will also come according to Nun's own destiny. Likewise with the meeting time of Mama Mutia, Papa Ulum, and also others. We all have a destiny that we will pick up in our own time. So, patience.."

"Make patience and prayer as our help, il. because these are the two things that God has promised as the best helper for every difficulty in life. We also need to be grateful for the blessings of God. Including the pleasure of life!"

"Thank God that we can still live in this world. Because it means we are still given the opportunity to improve ourselves. As for Erlan, do not dissolve in sadness because of her loss, il. Either Erlan may have perfected his faith in God, so God picked him up earlier than we did. Wallahu.."

"Obviously, Erlan had already picked up the fate that had been outlined for her. And there's nothing we can do to prevent Erlan from picking up her fate, il.."

I pondered sentence by sentence delivered by Nunik. Until finally slowly, I can understand also with the intention of Nunik over his sentence earlier.

And indeed, there's nothing more I can do for my Erlan anymore right now. Besides. let her go. Even so, I don't know, how long the wounds from this loss will be healed. Either a year or decades..

But then this pain in my heart was washed away by the two twitches I felt in my stomach right now. Dede utun 1 and two. There are still two of them that I have to fight for. So true said Mama and also Nunik.

If I should rise from my sorrow.

Trying to act as loud as possible, I finally asked Mama who had been crying silently on the side where I was lying.

"So, where's Erlan now, Ma?"

***