I'm Not a Wild Grass

Confession and Promise (POV Laila)

I took Erlan home around ten. For some reason, from completing the dare given by Theo, Erlan became more quiet. Erlan no longer asked me to talk all the way home.

I thought Erlan might be sleepy. But what happened next refuted my assumption.

When Erlan's moge reached me to the front of the alley, Erlan suddenly held back my steps with her words.

"La.. Can I have a minute of your time?"

Right now, we are standing on the edge of a large road in front of an alley leading to my contract. The atmosphere that night was still quite crowded with several vehicles that occasionally passed on the highway.

Tonight the sky was quite bright, so it showed some stars scattered with eternal patterns. While the moon shines pale with its shape that is no longer intact.

Under the dim lighting of the street lamp, I observed Erlan's face filled with seriousness. I've never seen Erlan's face as serious as it is today. So I was quite nervous about what the young man was trying to say.

"Why, Lan?" Ask me then.

"I.." for a few seconds, Erlan paused on his sentence.

"I love you, La. Will you accept my love?" Shoot Erlan suddenly.

Ba dump's.

My heart suddenly started racing faster.

It turned out that my feeling about Erlan's feelings for me was right. That young man really liked me, not long ago.

"You.." I gulped hard to wet my throat that suddenly felt dry.

"You're serious, as you say, Lan?" I asked to be sure.

"I've never been more serious than I am now, La. I do love you," Erlan said with a whole look staring at me intensely.

Feeling unable to look at Erlan for longer, I looked down.

In my heart I was worried.

'Do I like Erlan too? He is a good young man. Pretty handsome and I'm also comfortable with her. But.. do I want to continue our relationship to a more serious level? Am I ready to date? Or married?' my mind was occupied by the humming sound of my own heart.

After a long time I did not come to say it, Erlan finally spoke again.

"You don't have to answer my question now, La. I just want you to know. If I love you so much. You could say, I'm falling in love with you at first sight (i'm in love with you at first sight).."

I was stunned to hear Erlan's confession. I looked at Erlan's face, which was now staring at me. Know now finally me, the meaning of the sad gaze that I often find addressed by him to me. And only to me.

'It turns out he has liked me since we first met. How come?' i wondered.

"How come, Lan? Could such love happen?" I asked in the end. Feeling unable to refrain from my curiosity about the love he felt.

Erlan smiled warmly at me. Makes my heart thump a little while staring at him directly.

"I also don't know where this love came from, La. All I realized was, know-how you were present and made me fall in love with all your smiles, attitudes, and behaviors that are often beyond my reasoning. Know that I have fallen in the pool of love near you. I love you, Laila, it's as easy as I love you" Erlan said at length.

I was stunned and immediately lowered my gaze. Didn't know what to say or do in front of Erlan. Until then Erlan grabbed my fingers and squeezed them gently. I just lifted my eyes back on her.

Erlan then raised my hand and kissed her softly. I felt Erlan's love was so real in front of these eyes. Until it starts to infiltrate the entire niche of the heart.

"You don't have to answer now, La" Erlan said.

I looked back at Erlan's face which tended to be more oriental. I observe the seriousness of his love for me through his two narrow eyes.

After thinking for a moment, I finally spoke up.

I realized Erlan's hand grip was tightening my hand. But Erlan was silent. Because I went back to talking.

"You're the nicest man I've ever known, Lan. And I highly judge your excellent personality."

"But dear," for a moment I took a deep breath.

"Unfortunately, I'm not ready to build a commitment with men, Lan. Even if it's just dating. I'm not ready yet. Sorry."

Done the bomb I threw for Erlan. Actually I can't bear to tell you my true feelings. At first I was going to give Erlan the same answer I had told other men.

However, I don't know why I couldn't handle that young man. Maybe it was the sincerity I felt from him that made me not want to give Erlan any more false hope.

Let Erlan know my true feelings. So that he can immediately move on from his love for me.

Erlan lowered her head for a while, then raised her face again and looked straight at me.

"Can't you consider it, La?" Erlan was back to bargain.

And I looked down sad while shaking slowly.

"For me, the heart has no words of consideration, Lan. If you like it, you like it. If not yes no. I'm sorry, Lan," I said regretfully that I had to hurt Erlan's feelings.

If I could, I would love to return Erlan's feelings towards me. But I obviously knew that I only thought of him as a big brother to me. So obviously I won't be able to return the young man's feelings to me.

Let us feel the pain at this time. Compared to if we had to impose our feelings and regret later on.

Love is not something that can be forced. It exists because he wants it. And love is not because love itself wants it.

All we can do about the feeling of love is accept and give everything to the Most Love.

Erlan looked down again. It made me feel the pain of the rejection I gave her.

Then, I heard Erlan sigh deeply. Before he finally spoke.

"Then, fine. I'll take it, La. But can I ask you something?" Pinta Erlan.

"What, Lan?"

"May I just hug you this once? Let's just say it's a rejection gift from you, La?" Erlan gave me a grievous smile. Makes me want to not go back to feeling sad.

I have no power to make any more sounds. So I just nodded slowly, confirming Erlan's request earlier.

And, Erlan then pulled my body into her peukan. A pretty tight hug.

In Erlan's arms, I could hear the young man's heart beating so fast. While my heart beat also pounded because of the tightness in the heart that began to rule themselves.

For some reason, in my heart, I regretted my decision. Because after all, Erlan is the best young man I've met so far.

In the silence of the night, I could still hear Erlan's whisper being uttered over my head.

"Promise with me, La. You'll live happily with your pillow man one day!" Pinta Erlan to me.

And back, that sense of tightness ruled my heart. So that without I can prevent, a drop of tears fell down the cheek. I only managed to issue a soft tweet to reply to Erlan's request earlier.

"Yes, Lan. I promise!"

***