I'm Not a Wild Grass

Old Memory (POV Azki)

Flashback 28 years ago..

"Your skin is so smooth, honey.. Papa loves it." said Papa Heri, my stepfather.

"Eeee. ge. geli, Pa.." I tried to resist Papa's hand touching my lower body. I feel uncomfortable. And I think there's something wrong with what my stepfather did to me.

My name is Azki Hariyadi. I was seven years old after a few months.

My biological papa has been missing for a long time since I was in the womb. I just live alone with my mom. Until a year ago, when Mama finally remarried to Papa Heri.

At the age of seven years, I do not understand the problems and rules in a relationship. All I know is I finally have a Papa like my other friends.

However, I began to feel uncomfortable every time Mama had to go to work to become a barber. Because often Papa Heri comes home during the day and touches all parts of my body.

I feel.geli.

"Quiet, Honey.. Papa will bring you to the enjoyment of the world. So don't be afraid. Today, we will try something different." Papa said while removing the last remaining cloth that still covered the bottom of my body.

"Per..varying, Pa?" Ask me nervously.

"Yes.now, you bow down," Papa gave the edict.

The next second I followed what Papa said. I have always obeyed what Papa said. Because every time Papa touches me, I'll buy him the toys and snacks I want.

When I was prostrating, Papa suddenly asked.

"This time, what do you want, son? Tell me Papa. Papa will buy everything you want," said Papa.

In that instant, my heart opened. I immediately imagined a robot toy that can move on its own. Like Indra's, a friend at my school.

However, I haven't had the chance to say my wish, I feel a very intense pain in part a of my mind. Something Papa's kept pressing in filled my vital organs.

I screamed in pain. But Papa Heri immediately pressed my face onto the mattress, so that my cry was muffled by the sheet.

That afternoon was the beginning of a terrible tragedy that happened in my life. And the incident was repeatedly done by Papa to me. Until I entered First High School.

It was at that age that I began to understand that what Papa Heri did was a great crime against me. It's a shame I can't fight Papa Heri. Even I was addicted to every touch he made.

I feel disgusted at myself. I feel like I'm very dirty. My mouth seems to be locked. Even my own mother didn't know what I was going through for years.

I don't have any friends. I didn't invite a friend. I live in solitarity. My only playmates are the gadgets that Papa Heri gave me. A gift I really hate, and I need it so I don't feel lonely.

I started learning computer programming at a very young age. And I'm very easy to understand, probably because of my proficiency in maths too.

Since realizing that Papa Heri is a brengs*k, I always try to go home to coincide with my Mama's work-home hours. I'm doing this so that Papa can no longer 'play' with my body.

Unfortunately, Papa began to dare to prank me at night..

Yep. When Mama was fast asleep in the middle of the night, Papa always went into my room and.errgghh..!

I hate Papa! I also hate Mama who never realized the nightmare I had! And I hate myself too!

I can't fight Papa Heri who is now threatening to kill*h Mama if I reject her bi nal desire. And I also hate myself for not having the courage to fight Papa!

Until finally there was also a tragedy on the last night of my Junior High.

But then I heard Mama's voice yelling at us from the door.

"Bajing*an you! What did you do to my Azki, brengs*k! He's your son too!" Mama said with a sigh.

Bagh's. Bugh. Bagh's. Bugh.

I didn't realize what Mama did to Papa. Until I felt Papa who suddenly pushed me and even fell on the floor beside my bed.

What frightened me was that there was so much blood pooling under and all over Papa Heri.

I who did not wear a piece of cloth on the body immediately inched backwards to the end of my mattress. Stay away from Papa's body that no longer moves.

My eyes immediately drifted to Mama. And I saw a blood-soaked machete in Mama's right hand at that moment.

Bugh.

The bulge fell out of Mama's hand. And Mama tried to approach me sobbing.

"Azki Darling.. Are you okay, son? Sorry Mama.. Mama's late to help you. We're gonna live safe now, yeah, honey. We both.." said Mama in the form of a wail between sobs and tears that continue to linger.

"No! Don't come any closer! Mamma.. Mama killed Papa!" I refused Mama.

Mama dumbfounded.

"But Mama is trying to help you from that brengs*k, son!" Shouted Mama hysterically.

"Too late! Mama's been a little late for years helping Azki! Azki doesn't need Mama! Just go! Just go! Mat* are there!" I snub Mama back.

At that time my mind was still shaken in the face of what had just happened. So I don't really mean what I'm saying.

But Mama seemed to be shaken by my words earlier. And then I heard Mama's last words spoken stammeringly to me.

"Te. been late for years?! That bej*d's been doing this to you for years, Ki?!"

My mother fell on both knees. And he again took the machete lying on the floor, then smashed it into the body and legs of his dead Papa.

I was horrified. And the more horrified when a second later I saw Mama thrust the machete in her hand into her own body.

Once. Twice. Until Mama's mouth coughed up blood. Until the body part that was pierced also flow blood.

Before Mama fell down and breathed her last breath, Mama said one last sentence to me.

"Sorry.in... Mamma.. Ki."

Bugh.

And Mama's body also drooped near the body of Papa Heri who had been mutilated in some parts...

Flashback complete.

***