I'm Not a Wild Grass

Talak (POV Kiyano)

"Mas..?" Bella looked at me with a worried look.

I breathe pretty deep. Trying to strengthen yourself to continue the serious conversation that will happen in a moment.

After her I guided Bella's shoulder towards the sofa in the TV room. Then I sat Bella on one of those sofas. Then I sat down on the other sofa.

I intentionally put some distance between us. So that I can breathe more freely when having a serious conversation with Bella later.

"What's up, Mom? Don't make me scared. You're too quiet and cold to me, Mom? Is Adek wrong?" Ask Bella in a row without pause.

"Saturday, Mas took the time to go home to city A" I said suddenly.

"Last saturday? Why didn't you tell me? That's the time." Bella's squinty eyes suddenly widened slightly. I think he's starting to realize the direction of my conversation.

"So Mas want to make a surprise for you," said I pause.

"Mas came straight to the hospital. Because you said there was an impromptu duty of care. But.."

I swallowed back with great difficulty.

"But you weren't there. Your friend said you took three days off."

"Mas." Bella's face stiffened.

From the beginning of this conversation, I never once turned my eyes away from Bella's eyes. I don't want to miss even a tiny bit of emotion implied in my wife's face.

And, Bella's expression just stiffened, leaving me pretty pummeled. I think Bella's getting to know the direction of my conversation.

I then continued my words.

"Mas and then go home. Thinking you might be home."

"J.. What time did you come home?" Bella asked suddenly with a trembling voice.

For a few seconds, I didn't answer Bella's questions right away. I looked at Bella with a look that held a wound. While I saw Bella's hand squeezing strongly, the cloth of the shirt she was wearing.

"Hour half-eleven, approx."

Bella suddenly fell to the floor near my feet. He grabbed both my hands, and kissed her many times.

"I'm sorry Bella, Mas!" Bella said in a high-pitched voice.

I decided not to heed Bella's cry and continued our conversation.

"And indeed, you were at home. But I see.."

Back, my sentence was paused because I had trouble deciphering the words.

"Look, you're in the kitchen,"

"Mas Kiyan! Sorry to be so bad, Mom! That's.it wasn't intentional! That night was sad," said Bella cut my speech.

"What are you sad about, Bell? Does your sadness then legalize the actions you did with Kak Bayu?" I cut back on Bella's words.

"Mas saw with both eyes of Mas himself, Bella. You and Sis Bayu kissed in the kitchen. Long enough, Mas stood watching you embrace, and Mas didn't see you reject him!" My blabber is non-stop.

Bella was crying on my lap. And I let her.

"Tell me the truth, Bell. You want to hear it from your own mouth. What exactly happened between your relationship with Kak Bayu?!"

Bella raised her face. I see her face now covered in tears. Bella's clear white skin began to redden due to her crying.

Actually I started to get whacked back by the bad feelings. I can't bear to see my Bella crying like this. Because all this time I've never seen Bella even once.

"Say, Bell.. What was your defense of that Saturday night kitchen incident?" Ask me in a tone that I try to keep soft.

I grabbed Bella's shoulder and invited her to sit back on the sofa right next to me. Our distance is very close now. But somehow, my heart felt too far from reaching my wife's heart.

Bella was still as unwilling to cry in silence for some time. He was thinking about what he was going to say to me.

I gave Bella time. While Bella gathered her words of defense, I was busy staring at my two hands tightly held by Bella.

'Squeeze. wring right it feels this love. If Bella could understand my feelings now.' I murmured in my heart.

"Silts.." Bella started to speak.

"That night was sad, Mother. And Kak Bayu tried to cheer up the adek. But he's a khilaf. And Bella is also a khilaf. The kiss that happened in the kitchen that night was the act of our solemnity, Mas," Bella explained.

I was disappointed. Still do not understand the reasons put forward by Bella.

"What makes you sad, Dek? What bad thing can make you and Sis Bayu become such a khilaf?! I can't understand your explanation!" Ask me, I started to get a little emotional.

Bella jerks. I stared at him with a scared expression. All this time I never even snapped at him, even once.

Afraid that if I couldn't keep my emotions in check, I chose to stand up and keep my distance from Bella.

"What can make you do forbidden acts with Bayu's sister, Bell?! You still have Mas! If you have a problem, you can tell it to me! Not even looking for solace to another man!" I said half a scream.

Bella fell silent and just looked at me with a teary look. He didn't say anything in a long time.

"Say, Bell.tell Mas.please make Mas understand the source of this problem between us. Don't make Mas blind in the marriage we have built long enough, Bell's. If there is a problem, say. Or if indeed you no longer love Mas," my sentence again paused. While I see Bella shaking her head. I don't know what it means.

"Tell me too, Bell." I said in a soft voice.

The mood became quiet again. I'm waiting for Bella to deliver her defense. I really hope Bella will give me an answer that will make me understand what she did that night.

However, Bella just lowered her head and squeezed the fabric of her shirt in silence. The house was like a heart-piercing dagger. Because isn't silence a woman signifying her confession to something?

Does that mean Bella did admit to her affair with Kak Bayu?

Does that mean he doesn't love me anymore?

I looked back at Bella's lethargic face. A round of clear crystals was seen descending both of his white cheeks. My beautiful wife now looks terrible with her face reddened by tears.

My dear Bella, who may no longer hold dear to me..

"Did you confess your affair with Bayu's sister, Bell?" I asked finally, with a trembling tone.

I clenched my hands tightly on both sides of my body.

Waiting for the answer that would come out of Bella's mouth, made me feel such excruciating pain.

After quite a long time passed, Bella finally answered my question.

"...yes." yeah."

And my heart is broken already. Bella's short answer had knocked down the wall of trust that I was still defending until just now. But with the answer from Bella earlier, it shattered all my hopes to maintain my marriage with Bella.

I feel my world is starting to falter. The pain that torments my heart now, makes me almost no longer able to continue the conversation. But I try to strengthen myself. I tried to gather the remnants of my strength among the scattered taste debris.

"Then, Bellinda Hikma, from today on, I drop your talaq! And I release you from all your responsibilities as my wife" I said in the end.

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