I'm Not a Wild Grass

Goodbye, La.. (POV Loan)

The next day, I woke up feeling very happy.

"Mama's son, who wants to get a payday today. I think he's really happy, son?" Tempted Mama when she heard me humming while makeup in front of the mirror.

I gave a big smile to Mama. Feeling a little embarrassed because I was found out that I was excited to welcome my payday date. Although it was also in my mind, a handsome face belonging to the conch that I will meet today.

'Iidhih! How come he got his face anyway?! I got the virus, yeah?' time?' I murmured in my heart.

"Ehh? I even smile alone. Hayo.. lest you fall in love again yes, until your own smile is it?!" My mom was so sudden.

Surprised by Mama's guess, I accidentally dropped the comb I was holding.

"Oh, Mama! What the hell is it! Lail's people are happy because it's payday. How to talk about love and love!" I dodged and tried to hide my nervousness.

'Iihh..kok being nervous like this anyway? Me? in love?' my mind murmured.

And the conch's face was back in the picture. Even with the ciu man that we did last time yesterday afternoon.

Blushes..

My heart was shrouded in a fog of shame.

'Damn it, the conch! Why the hell does his face continue to shadow! Don't-don't he let me out again!' my own grumbling in my heart.

"Laila, honey." I regained my senses when I heard Mama's voice calling me.

"Falling in love is normal, son. If you do experience it, accept its presence with gratitude. But Mama send a message to you, baby.. Don't take away something that doesn't belong to you. Including love!"

I was stunned when I digested Mama's last sentence. And suddenly I came to recall the heartache that Mama experienced for Papa's betrayal years ago.

Mama was indeed betrayed by Papa, when Papa prefers to live with actors who damage the Mama and Papa household. Papa was even so willing to leave me and Mama without a dime of treasure to survive. Because all the treasures that existed at that time were exhausted he took away to live with the actor.

Remembering that, my heart unconsciously, re-builds a high wall of love loving affairs. I admit, indeed, one of the reasons why until the age of twenty-five I have not had a boyfriend, it is because of the track record of experiences that Mama has experienced.

I'm afraid to love. If in the end I will be hurt.

I was afraid to open my heart. When in time he whom I let see my heart, will turn to hurt.

I might be able to get along with the guys. But that familiarity I limit only to everyday casual chats. While my heart, I lock and I lock tightly with the firmness of a girl who has witnessed the betrayal of a man.

Next, I hugged my mother tightly. And I tried to channel the power to the frail body that had guarded and raised me until now.

"Quiet, Ma.. Lail will always remember Mama's message. Lail won't take something that belongs to someone else. Lail won't take away another woman's love" my pledge is firm.

I heard Mama breathing. Then I felt him stroking my head gently.

"Hh.. I'm sorry, son. Until now Mama still regretted because you have to live away from your Papa," softly Mama's voice admitted her deepest regret.

I hurriedly shook my head.

"No, Ma. Don't apologize to Lail. Lail lives happily with both Mama. If Lail comes with Papa, not necessarily the witch woman will let Lail live a happy life?" My original seloroh.

And my efforts succeeded. Mama chuckled when she heard my babble earlier.

"You're the only jewel in Mama's life, son. Mama pray that Lail finds the best man who can make you happy until your old age.."

Hearing Mama's prayer, my throat immediately felt choked. That is how a mother is. Always save his best prayer for his daughter's son. And also with Mama.

Mama was willing to stretch throughout her life, to support me and make sure I had everything I needed in my teenage years. Even with all the limitations that endlessly ensnare our economic status at that time.

For sure, Mama is my hero. My super hero's.

"Thank you Ma, for everything..Lail dear Mama. "I whispered softly on Mama's frail shoulder.

***

Today, I finished all my work with excessive vigor. Even I also shared my cheerful smile with the Conch, which I usually always give an angry and pouting face.

The conch behaved as he usually did. He really kept his promise to keep his attitude and not attack me physically (hugs or ciu man) again.

I was already getting ready, if when I delivered coffee for him this morning, he forced himself on me again, I would choose to resign. Today I got my wages.

Nindi apologized to me because she broke her promise and did not attend the event to the beach last Saturday. And I forgave him right then and there.

Another Nindi, another with Erlan. My good colleague did not come back to work today. For some reason, I was struck by anxiety about what really happened to my colleague.

When I asked Mas Idham, I knew that Erlan had resigned yesterday. Erlan yesterday afternoon had come to the office to take care of his resignation letter and also took his salary first.

Only Mas Idham knows the news about Erlan. Because Erlan had advised not to spread the news about this to other OB colleagues.

Hearing Erlan's news, my heart was instantly filled with all sorts of mixed feelings into one. Yes upset, yes angry, yes sad, yes disappointed, and. hu uh. Okay I confess. I miss that oriental guy a little bit now.

However, of all my OB colleagues in this office, only Erlan and Nindi have heard my curses about the uneg-uneg work. While with other OB colleagues, I just know and joke while passing.

In between breaks, I tried calling Erlan's number. And in the last seconds of the ringing sound, my phone call was picked up.

"Hello, Lan?"

For a moment, it was silence I heard from across the phone. Until then I heard Erlan's voice say.

"Yes.. La?"

'Freaky. How do I feel there's something weird about Erlan?' for a moment, I was overwhelmed.

"You. said Mas Idham quit his job?"

"...Yeah." yeah."

"..."

"..."

'Erlan is really weird. Is she not sick?'

"You sick, Lan?" Ask me worried.

"Hhh. no, La. I'm healthy."

"Keep, how are you keeping quiet so much?"

In front of me, Nindi floated a questionable gaze with her eyebrows raised. And I put my shoulders together, a sign of not knowing what happened to Erlan.

"For thrush?" I guess.

"Hhh. yeah.."

"..."

"..."

"..Lan's? You.. angry with me, huh?"

"...hh.. La, I'm not mad at you. I'm just a little busy. You see, I'm getting my Papa's business right now. So, there's a lot I have to learn" Erlan said.

"Ooh. hmm-hmm-" I said and Erlan cut it.

"Sorry, La. I have to go crosscheck place. I hung up on her phone," said Erlan suddenly.

"uh? O.ok.."

For a while, I still stuck my phone to my ear. Too shocked by Erlan's attitude that turned far away to cold, all of a sudden.

As I recall, the last time Erlan was still acting normal to me. We still had a good time joking. So, what made him change?

Furthermore, I think Erlan has completely disconnected our phone. But then I was surprised by Erlan's voice whispering in a very slow voice.

"Bye, La. i'm sorry. I have to stop loving you, now." (Goodbye, La. I'm sorry. I have to stop loving you, now.).

And I'm stunned. Something in my heart suddenly felt a small pinch, when my mind was busy interpreting Erlan's parting sentence earlier.

***