I'm Not a Wild Grass

Arrival of Bella (POV Kiyano)

Flash back Saturday morning at Kiyano's apartment.

At four in the afternoon, the plan is I will leave to go back to town A to see Bella. My return there was a sudden plan that came after I solidified my decision on the continuation of my marriage with Bella.

It still feels like a dream all I've been through. Because I still find it hard to believe the fact that Bella has betrayed our marriage. With my sister-in-law, Bayu, anyway!

During this one week, Bella called me a lot. Some of her calls I didn't get to pick up while I was in the office. Some of his other calls I also picked up. Although more often our conversation now feels crisp for me.

Bella probably realized there was something different about me. Because last night he had time to ask, is there anything that bothers me during my stay in town B? And I just gave an ambiguous answer. I feel tired.

I didn't lie with my answer. Because I was getting tired of thinking about the problems between me and Bella. But, anyway, I'm going to see Bella in the afternoon.

I'll give Bella a chance to explain everything with her own mouth. I wonder what Bella will say when she hears my testimony about what happened last Sunday night in the kitchen. Whether Bella will deny or admit it.

Ahh. wring right it feels to love but be betrayed. If I may ask, there's a small part of me that hopes that I never see Bella and Bayu's affection. If they betray me, I may be fine. As long as I don't know it.

But then my common sense slapped me hard. Foolishly right if I still want to be a goat covered with both eyes without realizing that he will be slaughtered. It would be foolish to allow myself to die slowly because of the blinding poison of love.

And I don't want to be the fool who's always been around forever. I am a man. And I hold my very own destiny! (I am a man. And I am in control of my own destiny!)!

Around eleven, while I was reading some important company documents, my apartment bell suddenly rang.

At first I thought it was a delivery man. I ordered food on line. But as soon as I opened the door, I was very, very surprised to find Bella who was already standing at the door while raising an awkward smile at me.

***

"So, Mas Kiyan lives here. Although it is a bit quiet also yes," said Bella commenting on where I live after checking into each room.

I didn't reply to Bella's comments. Just accompanying his steps were looking into each room one by one, in silence.

After we arrived at the kitchen, I offered him a drink.

"Would you like a drink?" Ask me in a slightly flat tone.

My mind is still quite surprised by Bella's sudden arrival. Last night we still called each other. But Bella didn't say anything about her plan to visit me this afternoon.

"Can. Let Adek take it for himself, Mas."

Bella then opened my one-door refrigerator, then commented. "I see, there's no food in the fridge. I always buy food, so?" Ask Bella for attention.

I sat on one of the tall benches in the kitchen. Before commenting on Bella's comments.

"How else do you want? I live alone here."

Chilly. Flat. I thought my conversation with Bella was bland. And it seems like Bella feels the same way. Because seconds later, he leaned against the wall in the kitchen and looked at me fixedly.

In the end, it was Bella who broke the eye connection between the two of us. But he approached me and then hugged me.

When the skin of our hands came back in contact after going through a long separation, I could not deny the longing that re-emerged and drained the mind as well as the feeling. I have known and loved Bella for a long time.

I knew Bella from when we were in High School. And we started dating when I was in my worst condition. When my father suddenly died from being a hit-and-run victim.

I, as the eldest of three brothers, with two younger brothers who were then four and one year old, immediately felt right, the burden that had been left by the late Father.

When the collision happened, I had just finished my final school exam. As my friends waited for the graduation news to relax and take a walk, I was already busy helping my mother make a living to eat the four of us.

In my toughest time it was Bella who was the prima donna in my school suddenly just present and offer her participation. Bella often comes to visit me at work even if just to meet or sometimes also bring me food.

Bella was so faithful to see me day after day. Six months later, we were finally officially made.

I was devastated by the kindness, patience, and tenderness that Bella showed me as well as my family.

And finally, six years later, I asked Bella to be my wife. We were both 24 years old. Until finally the age of our marriage has now entered the age of three years, meaning I have known Bella for approximately twelve years.

"Adek misses Mas Kiyan. Almost three weeks we last met, Mas," said Bella with a sad tone on the chest of my field.

I closed both eyes. Trying to brush off the pain that returned to torture. I broke my heart again, after hearing the words impressed with love from Bella was for me.

If I used to say Bella's words with similar words. Now my mouth feels funny even just to say one word.

My heart began to feel numb from feeling love, now.

"Mass?" Bella turned her head up. Staring straight at my face looking forward with a blank look.

"Mas Kiyan? Mas why? Lately there has been something different from Mas Kiyan. Is there a problem?" Bella asked me a few questions.

"Hhh.." I breathed quite deeply. Before I finally let go of Bella's embrace with the slightest movement possible.

Even though Bella has hurt me, I still can't repay Bella with the same treatment. My love for her made me forgive her mistakes. Although I obviously won't be able to forget it.

"Bella.

"Mas..?"

I have trouble swallowing. Trying to start the conversation that I least want to do, but I can no longer avoid.

***