I'm Not a Wild Grass

Cemetery (POV Laila)

Rather forcefully, I asked Mama to get me out of the clinic where I was being treated at the moment.

After getting permission from the doctor there, Nunik and Mama finally want to take me to the hospital where Erlan is currently located. That too on one condition. I had to sit in a wheelchair during our trip.

According to the doctor at the clinic, my current fetal condition is quite alarming. Maybe it was because I had just experienced excessive shock, so that one of the fetuses had a weaker heart rate than the others.

I also want to follow the doctor's advice to sit in a wheelchair for some time in the future. And I also remember the advice of the doctor to be able to bed rest for a few days later.

Five with Mama Mutia, Nunik, Papa and Darman, we finally continued our journey to the hospital where Erlan was rushed.

It was at the hospital that I met Arline, Mama Ilmaya and also Om Gilberth. His face showed a very real sadness. And this made me think back to the painful fact that I had to face in a moment.

From Arline, I heard her version of the story.

It turned out that once I passed out in front of the minimarket, I was immediately taken by a kindly mini market customer to the nearest clinic.

After that he called Arline who was in the top contact in the chat application on my phone. Arline who also just received a call about the accident experienced by Erlan from the police was immediately rushed to the clinic where I was.

Arline then contacted Mama Mutia to come accompany me. While he was about to see the condition of his brother who he said was rushed to the hospital.

Three hours have passed since the accident occurred. And it was only about an hour later that I finally saw Erlan's body with my own two eyes. Erlan was pronounced dead at the CTF (the scene of the crime).

Before entering the morgue, I heard the sound of Adzan zuhur echoing in the distance.

The echo of the takbir seemed to be a reminder for me to stay strong in the face of what I will meet in a while longer in the hall of the corpse.

I decided to get up from my wheelchair.

I want to see Erlan with my own two feet. I want our farewells to do with my own efforts.

And with a step and heart dragged, I finally strengthened myself to meet my Erlan again.

Tests.. Tests..

Two tears streamed in silence. My heart felt slashed over every step I took to get close to the body of my husband who had now stretched stiff.

My erlan. my sun..

So many regrets suddenly appeared and flashed in my mind. Whether it was the attitude or the words that I had spoken often and hurt my husband, as well as the words that I had not spoken often as long as Erlan was still living together by my side.

I am now wracked by a truly heart-wrenching sense of regret. Regret not expressing my love to her often enough.

'I'm sorry, Yang. I love you. I love you.' My mind is chanting the same sentence over and over again.

Until finally my steps stopped in front of Erlan's body that no longer lives.

I opened the white cloth that covered my husband's face. And..

...

That painful pain returned to this heart-wrenching. When I saw Erlan's face that looked the same as the last time I saw her in front of the minimarket.

With trembling hands holding back emotions, I swiped my fingers to touch Erlan's head, face, and cheeks. But the cold sensation that I felt later, like a dagger that came back to hit my heart so strongly.

The coldness of Erlan's skin made me recall the fact that I had to accept for the rest of my life from this moment onwards. That my Erlan is now gone, that my love has now come home to Him..

...

...

Still with trembling hands, I grabbed back Erlan's face with my other hand. With a broken heart covered in blood, I kissed my husband's forehead, cheeks and lips.

A sentence I whispered softly in Erlan's ear that no longer had its function.

"I'll let you go, Yang. I'll keep dede 1 and 2 for you. Be calm in your world today. I 'm 'U, Lan.."

***

In the afternoon before Maghrib, Erlan's body was immediately saluted and buried in the garden behind the house of Mama Ilmaya and Om Gilberth.

Erlan's tomb adjoins the tombs of Opa and Oma Ruth.

I stared at the three neat beejejer tombs in front of me. With Erlan's tomb whose soil still looks new red.

I escorted Erlan to her final resting place with shaky steps and a heart that was already too tired in sadness.

I haven't cried since I caught the image of Erlan's body in the morgue. My mouth feels mute from shouting sadness that actually still envelops me so tightly.

My outlook may seem hollow to the people around me right now. Because I often find people staring at me with pity and also hurt.

I can't care about all those views. Because right now my mind is too preoccupied by the sense of loss I feel.

My Erlan is gone now. And I will no longer find his laughter accompanying my days in the future.

Tests..

Two drops of rain fell on my cheek. I put my face up. Staring at the sky that began to look dark reddish. The sign of twilight that has returned comes to pick up the day.

Still with a face that looked up, the two circles of clear crypt finally spilled back from both my eyes. Mixed with rain water that increasingly hard down from the sky there.

"Laila, let's go inside the house, son! It's getting dark." invite a voice next to me.

My mind could not recognize the owner of that strange voice. I only realized when there was a hand pulling me into the house. Leaving Erlan's grave behind me.

Before the back door of the house was tightly shut, I briefly floated my gaze back towards the red earth mound, where Erlan had just been buried.

"Sayonara, Yang. have a sweet dream.." I whispered softly swallowed by the roar of the wind and the torrential rain.

***