I'm Not a Wild Grass

Evade (POV Laila)

About eleven o'clock past, I was back home. I immediately locked myself in my room and thought about everything related to Kiyano, Bella, and also my relationship with Kiyano.

'Oh Allah..! The true complex of destiny you've changed for me. Why did you make me the person I hated the most in my short life?!' I complain of the burden of the heart on the Divine.

Ever since I locked myself in the room, the defensive dam in my eyes and heart was instantly broken. Until my tears were broken no longer.

I was crying sobbing. But still hold my voice so that it is not heard by anyone.

Lucky this afternoon Mama still coolies washing at people's homes. So I'm free to cry for my destiny alone at home.

'Why should I?! Why must Kiyano steal my heart?! Why do I need to know all this?! Why don't I just go ahead or I better not know about it at all?! Why, Yes, God?! Hiks.hiks..'

I kept crying for my love until Ashar time. I don't even remember praying. I don't even remember eating.

This true distortion of the feeling of love that I feel, makes me remiss of my duty to the Creator as well as to myself.

I'm sorry to have cultivated a taste in Kiyano. I wish we never knew each other and fell in love.

If ignorance is the best choice, then I choose not to know anything, until all the pain I feel now passes away by itself.

***

That night, Kiyano called me. But I didn't lift it. I let my phone vibrate in silence. Until after the vibration that was somehow to the next time, then my phone stopped and went back to silence.

The next day, I tried to avoid Kiyano.

I left earlier than usual. Then sneak around the office to do my chores while still avoiding Kiyano. It feels like a thief.

I was the one who was hurt. I was the one being lied to. But why should I also be the scapegoat and sneak away from the source of my pain (Kiyano).

I don't think I'm ready to meet Kiyano. I was too afraid to know the truth that at times could destroy the remaining parts of my heart that still exist.

Let me for a while now immerse myself in the shadows. Let me avoid first not to see Kiyano again. Because the burden of the casting stamp I pinned on myself had melted most of my confidence.

How am I supposed to look at the world, if people find out I'm an actor? Even though I became an actor because I was dragged by a lie perpetrated by Kiyano.

Kiyan!

Mentioning the name of the man now no longer raises the pleasant sparkles in this heart. I was immediately overwhelmed by the fog of anger and pain over all the lies uttered by the man's foul mouth.

"You're a poison conch!" I put the last unused sheet of paper in the shredder.

Every now and then I even re mas-re mas the first sheet of paper before I destroy it. Trying to vent this negative feeling that filled all the space in my heart.

"La? What are you doing?"

I was shocked when I heard a voice behind me. As soon as I turned my head, it was Nindi's voice.

"Your..!"

"Are you done?" Ask Nindi back.

I shifted my body to the side. Let Nindi continue her work again. Now, replace Nindi who destroyed the papers. While I who should have rushed off to do other work, stood dumbly looking at the empty wall.

"Hey! How dumb, La! You why? Want stories?" Tanya Nindi repeated.

And finally, driven by a desire to share my grievous story with someone, I spilled bitter and bitter love story that ended tragically, to Nindi.

Actually, from yesterday I wanted to call Nunik. But at every opportunity I wanted to tell a story, I accidentally heard her husband Nunik's voice teasing her across the phone.

Because I was feeling uneasy, I finally always abandoned my intention to confide in Nunik.

And now I still feel the fog and actually join.

For the next half hour, I told him everything that happened between me, Kiyano and Bella (or what I know as Inda).

I even let go of crying in front of Nindi. Until my snot runs down the river and crosses my mouth I don't care.

Clearly, right now I need someone to share the heartache I feel. I really need a friend.

Then, after Nindi finished listening to my story, she looked stunned for a long time. After this old coffee room was filled only by the sound of my sobs, Nindi finally began to talk again.

"La. You should be brave. You are not wrong either. It was precisely Mr. Boss who was the most guilty at the moment. Why didn't he tell you the truth from the beginning?"

Hearing Nindi's advice, I somehow wanted to defend Kiyano.

"But in fact Kiyano often ngakuin himself if he is again there is a problem with his ex. Just that he is not ready to tell the details of what the problem is, Nin," I said in defense of Kiyano.

Nindi frowned, a sign that she did not like my refutation earlier.

"But still. If the Boss is lying to you. Udah, mending you guys break up. Rather than gossip about you as an actor spread everywhere. That guy's mouth was quick enough to get the news from the other end of town to the other end of town, La!"

"So, how am I supposed to dong, Nin?" Ask me still not sure.

"Yes, earlier, La! Act like someone brave. Be like the usual Laila. Who is loud when replying to words. Be strong and courageous like someone who is always right. Because you're right, La. You've done nothing wrong in this."

"Really?" Ask me to make sure, to Nindi.

"Yes. And don't give the Boss a chance to get close to you again. Because if you ever see him again, he's probably prepared a thousand lies that will make you believe him again, La."

I'm stunned. Trying to digest the advice given by Nindi earlier. Although there are some things that I do not like, but in the end I reached an agreement that is the same as Nindi's opinion.

That I should avoid Kiyano as much as possible.

***