I'm Not a Wild Grass

The Biggest Mistake (POV Laila)

~If fate gives me the choice to repeat life,

Then I'll go back to when we first met.

If I knew loving you would make me feel an unbearable wound,

Then I'd like to choose not to know you at all.

Love, look at now.

You broke my heart's wings until it split, you,

How can I go back to stepping?~

#the voice of Laila.

***

I waited for half an hour by the lake. In front of the lake that holds the depth of the water that no one knows the depth, I contemplated my life these few months.

I realized, everyone would probably make a big mistake at least once in his life. But I never imagined, that the big mistake I would make was because I loved someone.

Yep. I think loving that man is a big mistake.

...

...

Didn't there ever be a poet who said that love has no eyes, then it means that love can't have any faults?

But obviously, this love of mine is something wrong. Because of the love I felt between me and the man, it actually hurt the feelings of other women.

How could?

Lt could. Because the love that slowly blossomed in my heart has disturbed the love of other women who are budding as well. While we wish on the same beetle. We attribute our feelings to the same man. Kiyano, the man's name.

It was never in my mind that I would love someone who had been the husband of another woman.

So because of this feeling of love I get the cast mark in the eyes of the world. I was scolded by all the women. Even I have incised a wound of disappointment in the heart of Mama who I love so much..

Mama, the only parent I think I have in this world. Because my birth papa I don't know where I've been for a long time.

Mama also in fact had felt the bitterness of love because it was removed from the nipple of her own marriage by an actor. Papa would rather live with the actor, and leave Mama and me.

The sale of our only home, and he took away all the money and treasures that existed for the sake of his new life with the actor.

Mama who only stayed had one wedding ring on her ring finger that in the end had to sell the only treasure he had. Demi could rent a room for the shelter of the two of us for the next month.

It happened when I was very small. Nine years would have been my age at that time.

In the end, Mama cared about herself as a laundry worker in the house of a rich man. While grabbing the fried food that will be entrusted to me to bring me to school.

Because I think an actor doesn't just take people's men. But it also took the happiness that should belong to the wife and also the children of the man he captured.

What a cruel, that actor!

But now, Mama must be disappointed also by me, this one and only daughter. Because I'm free-falling into an actor. Man grabber. The snatch of happiness belongs to others.

I also chuckled a disappointment that is quite deep in the heart of Mama who I love. And I am so sorry for this big mistake of mine.

...

...

I love the hearts of innocent women. I tarnish people's trust in my credibility as a woman activist who defends women's rights to happiness.

All of that is because of the love that I should not semi right, for a man who does not appreciate the love he has with other women.

'Stupid! you moron! stupid me!'

I clenched my hands tightly. Feel sorry and hate mixed into one in my heart.

Yep.. In reality, I've come to a point where I hate myself.

I wanted to torture myself for the big mistake I made. Because of my mistake, it's hard to forgive. Even I find it hard to forgive myself.

I thought about disappearing far from my world from the people I knew..

But then I thought again, that self-torture or disappearing, is not a good way to do it.

It was a sign that I had given up. That I had despaired of the grace of God. I am not one who gives up easily. I'm a fighter! A warrior for my own happiness. By sticking to the principle, not to take the property of others. As my mother had taught me since I was a child.

I'm sure God knows I never intentionally made this mistake. Developing love with a married man, unbeknownst to his wife. I did not know this fact from the beginning of my relationship with the man.

We knew each other by accident. Then fate brought us back together in unexpected ways. And since then love continues to grow, along with the meetings that occur. Until we finally admitted to each other, that we had feelings of love for each other.

But Kiyano never explained it to me. If he was actually married. I guess she's as single as I am. And it was my fault for not asking him first.

I'm mistaken. And I admit that.

And, perhaps, with this ignorance of mine, I can still correct the mistake I have made. Hopefully, my efforts will still be able to save the man's housewife with a noble woman who became his wife. A kind woman, who until now did not know the identity of the actor who had disturbed her household. I hope I still have time.

I looked at the clock on my wrist again for a few more times. It's been almost an hour since I've been waiting for the man by this lake. But his presence did not appear in the eye.

I sent him a short message to meet me on the shore of this lake last night. The place that was supposed to be a beautiful memoir when we first met. Yet... The man's dishonesty had tarnished the feeling of love we had. It's a real pity..

I opened the phone in the waist bag I was wearing. I saw the messaging app, but no new messages came from the guy. It made me sigh tired of waiting long enough.

If only I could replay the time, then I want to go back to three months ago. When we first met..

***