I'm Not a Wild Grass

Apology Bella (PoV Kiyano)

I didn't get to see you..

I can't look you in the eye..

I really miss you..

If only you knew..

...

I didn't get to say hello..

I didn't get to talk to you..

But let me be okay..

Because you are always in my heart..

(This song is another song created by Mel. The background of the story of the creation of this song is the death of one of Mel's closest friends. I used to know once the incident.

..

may Allah forgive all his sins2 and gather him in his jannah the riyadush shalihin.. Allahumma.com.).

"Okay Dear everyone, meet me again, Moniq at our beloved show, Melodic Night.."

"So we've heard Lazuli Nun's sad song titled 'Tak Sempam' huh. How did you manage to make your mellow? If Moniq really got the scent of bombay, gays."

"This song is a request from our sohib who has often asked for sad songs. Let's call him Mr. K yes. The romance is Mr. K again heartbroken that's gays. We doain let Mr. K quickly meets her best mate-".

Clik.

I turned off the radio channel on my phone. 'Substantial Matchmaker' he said? Hid. I just need Laila. Just him, and my world will be perfect again.

My dear three weeks ago, I never saw my Laila again. I was too embarrassed to see her again. Because every time we met, only tears and cries could I engrave on the sweet face of my girl.

My ego has refrained from stepping away to see Laila again. Because I can't see my love crying anymore because of me.

Ah. really squeezed out the path of love that I had to go through.

It starts with loving Bella, then feeling betrayed by her, then getting to know Laila, and my heart starts to fall in love with her.

Until I finally realized that Bella's betrayal was really just a misunderstanding, but my love with Laila even ran aground at the end.

And now, I'm back with Bella, even though my heart is no longer moved to love her. Because my love has switched completely to Laila. But unfortunately, Laila and I are no longer together.

Huh! But fate played with my feelings. Why didn't I love Bella for as long as she did? Or am I with Laila forever?

Why should I part with someone I love so much?

Laila's.. Laila. It was as if it had become air for me to breathe. Because ever since his departure, I've always felt an endless tightness in my heart.

Laila's.. My dear Laila, in the end I was only able to love her in a dark room secretly.

***

"Later Mas has to go to this party huh, Mas. Don't you know!" Tell Bella to me from the top of her bed.

I watched Bella's pale face from the side of the bed. Our two hands are interlocked in a bond based on love.

Bella received all the participation and attention I gave her. And he did not complain when I could no longer give more than mere participation.

This inclusion ultimately binds our relationship in a new relationship. Of friendship.

I don't know. I don't know if Bella still loves me like she used to or not. He's been a quieter person lately. Especially since he began to go back and forth/back to the hospital for treatment and chemotherapy.

Bella's disease is becoming more and more deadly. In fact, at this time the cancer suffered was nearing the final stage.

My wife's body is now just a bone wrapped in skin. The crown on his head had long been exhausted by the cause of the fall. The results of the chemotherapy that he had been undergoing so far. So Bella is more often wearing a practical hijab or skullcap hat since the last few days.

"Mas Kiy's.." Bella rebuked me.

So I hurriedly said, "Yes. I'll go there, Dek."

I rubbed the back of Bella's hand. Trying to find the softness of the hand that once shared his time and attention intact to me.

The love that once existed between me and Bella may not have been perfect. But this love that has turned into friendship has taught me a sincere acceptance of the path of destiny that we must go through.

If it wasn't for Bella, I might have lost my way when Laila decided to leave me. Because the participation made by Bella all this time, has made me realize the life I am still living and will face until the time I do not know the limits.

Seeing Bella who is fighting against her illness, I feel slapped to not always mope. Bella, who was lying sick in her bed, could still share a smile with those around her. So why am I still fit even can not?

From Bella I learned that we should always have a purpose in life. Like Bella who has a goal to be able to recover from her cancer, so she was trying and never stopping trying to do treatment.

So I was finally moved to resume my life now. Even without Laila. Even though my path still feels pitch-black without it.

Seiyanya, I must target a new goal in order to continue my life again. For my mom and my sister. And especially for my own sake.

Because we can't put our lives in someone else's hands. Because control is only we who hold it.

Where do you take your life? Towards the grim road? Or a beautiful road? It all depends on ourselves.

"Bag.."

I who was about to turn around to go to town B and attend the party of his colleagues my father-in-law, in the end had to turn back to face Bella.

"Bella's sorry, Mom. Because Bella has made Mas suffer a lot," said Bella with a face that suddenly had been drenched by tears.

"Hush! Don't say that, Dek.."

Bella then looks weak.

"But Bella is already guilty of a lot of Mas. and also Laila.."

Deg. Deg.

Hearing Laila's name, my heart suddenly seemed to stop beating.

"Bella's sorry for keeping Mas and Laila apart.."

Hearing Bella's statement just now, I was immediately overwhelmed by curiosity.

"What do you mean by that, Dek?" Ask Bella directly with her heart pounding.

***