I'm Not a Wild Grass

An Answer (POV Kiyano)

It hard. It's hard to explain what's going on with me right now. Where one side of my heart is heartbroken over Bella's betrayal. But the other side of my heart was actually in love with Laila.

Isn't this a very strange thing?

Like water and oil, the two liquids are difficult to fuse together, but eventually are united in a medium called soap. Is that also the sadness and happiness I feel, at the same time?

Sometimes, when I think of Bella, then I'll be sad.

I still vividly remember the pain and agony that tormented my heart every time my memory repeats the memory of that Saturday night of the last weeks.

However, when I am with Laila, I also feel the beauty of love. Happy laughter. And it was a pleasure to be with that woman.

Although at first I did not want to accept the feeling of love that was too soon present in my life again, but in the end I could not resist the gravity of love that had pulled me so far into the pit.

Yep. In the end I also admitted that I had indeed started to save the love for the sweet woman, Laila.

Bellas.. Laila's..

If anyone asks me who I love more, for now I might answer that Bella is the one I love more.

That's a natural thing. Because after all I have known and been with Bella for a long time. For nearly twelve years I have known him.

While Laila, I only got to know her about a month ago.

But I can't be sure either. Maybe someday I'll love Laila more. Because right now the attractiveness of that woman is strong enough to tempt my faith. Especially if I've known him for years?

But I don't want to compare the two loves that have been and have been present in my life. Because both of those loves are equally special in my heart, at their respective times.

I still love Bella to this day. Although the pain of betrayal made me refrain from being with my love anymore.

And I love Laila more and more now. It feels like every day, in every encounter or time that is passed with or without her, has made my mind even more imagined with all the attitudes, babbles, and anger of the angry woman. My Laila is really special.

Because of that, when suddenly Laila asked me if I was still single or not? I was stunned for a moment.

I don't like lying. But to unlock the memory of Bella's betrayal and tell Laila, I don't feel ready to do it.

This wound is still too wet. His incision still looked wide open. So how can I tell my love story with Bella to Laila, without tears?

So I decided not to say anything about my love for Bella first. In the future, when my wounds begin to dry up, I will tell Laila everything. Because somehow Laila has the right to know my past.

"Kiy's? How to fuck? You're single, right?" Laila's voice crept in through my eardrum. It was only then that I realized that I had been daydreaming for too long.

"Sorry, La. I was dumb earlier."

"So. are you single or. do you have a girlfriend?" Laila asked with a stiff tone.

I was stunned, as I found a cold expression that suddenly appeared on Laila's face. In a hurry, I finally answered.

A squeak appeared above my Laila's forehead. I hurriedly added an explanation.

"I'm a widower without children, La. But now I am single. My relationship is the same.."

I think it's too hard to say Bella's name again.

Perhaps in my heart, I still remember that name often. But to voice it verbally, it still felt too heavy for me.

I finally didn't mention Bella by name in my explanation to Laila.

"My relationship is the same.he's over."

Silent.

The atmosphere between us felt awkward. I hate this feeling of distance between me and Laila. I don't want to experience the feeling of distance that I once felt when I was with Bella.

It was that feeling of distance that made me unable to be myself when I was with Bella. Because even though I love Bella, I don't know why I changed myself to be the way Bella wanted me to be. Humorous, loving, and romantic husband.

Bella never saw the other side of me that sometimes wanted to rebel, angry, or impulsive. All the other sides of me that Bella had never seen and had been bridled for so many years had actually come out since I met Laila.

Laila's. It was that woman who had resurrected my true self. The self I tried to bury deep in my hidden mind. So that all this time I have always lived in the shadow of self-righteousness.

But still, my love for Bella is pure. I really love Bella very deeply. Might as well... It was love that finally made me forget my true self. To be the husband of Bella's dreams.

With Laila now, I am free to be myself. I'm happy to have Laila fight her mouth. I love to tease her to make her angry. I love making her face red with embarrassment. And I'm happy because I'm the only one who can make Laila open her heart. And I'll make sure it's just for me that he'll fall in love.

"You.. still like your ex, huh, Kiy?" Terka Laila suddenly.

I stopped the car I was driving. Because right now, somehow my feeling is saying that I have to look straight into Laila's eyes.

"Kok, stop here, Kiy?" Laila looked out the car window.

But I slowly pulled Laila's chin back to face me. Only after I looked into his eyes did I speak.

"Gue was married. Yep. And that's my past, La. I can't change the past. But I can make a new future. And I hope in the future I will, there Lo who will nemenin me for as long as his. Would you, La (want you, La)..?" Ask me slowly.

After a short pause, I heard Laila's voice pouring shahdu into my ears.

"Yes, Kiy. I want to."

'Lord.I hope this love is eternal and pure forever.' and, my prayers are skyward, on the sidelines of the voice of the adhan maghrib who also straddles.

***