I Have to Survive

90. Do you still have a little taste for it ?

After going through many years of his life, Alisa could finally control her now, if it was 7 or 5 years ago, surely the man who had become her ex-husband would have been treated more sadistically than now ,but the increasing age of Alisa also felt that if she did that it would only dirty her own hands especially on her side there is Rendra who she must pay attention to her feelings ,Alisa also actually made peace with Fero and allowed him to meet his only son .but seeing the selfishness and speech that cornered her made Alisa's heart could not hold her hand to give souvenirs for the man .

Meanwhile, Rendra who walked right behind him was just silent without saying anything but in his heart he really did not expect that Om who begged to be called papa it did not catch up with them ,whereas if in the drama must be people who ask for recognition or forgiveness and quarrel will definitely follow the person concerned and if they have to prostrate, they will be sujut to apologize ,he really did not think that the man gave up and chose to stay there without caring about his mother and himself.

"It's appropriate that mom never wants to go back to that guy basic stupid man, not romantic can not he persuade and show her persistence just a little ,I, as a man, am ashamed to be his son because he is like a pussy who gives up easily." Inwardly, he also condemns his frustration with the man .

Alisa also immediately got into the car and followed by Rendra who entered also there, without he could bear Alisa also immediately shed his frustration by crying so much in the car ,even he forgot that there , there is still Rendra his son who noticed him .

After a few minutes, Rendra stroked her mother's back gently .

"Ma remove the tears of mama, enough already mama sad because the man, I will never be willing if the tears of mama flow wasted for him, wasted for him, and just for a jerk like him I'm really not willing to ma ." said Rendra spicy but looks serious there.

Alisa was just awakened from her sadness after the person beside her calmed down and expressed her opinion.

"Sorry Ren should his mama not spill her tears in front of you, especially just because the man ,but somehow these tears always fall when faced with your papa".Alisa said by trying to calm her heart and give an explanation to Rendra.

Rendra who heard that was also sad tears that rarely came out without he could bear out of his eye pelupuknya although not rushing it wet his cheeks .

"Ma, don't be so , you have to be strong when dealing with that person and his family, what...?

honestly the same Rendra ma, does mom still love her?...

Do you still want to go back with the man?.." asked Rendra .

Alisa who was asked also looked at her son but from her deepest heart felt a feeling of pain that made her tight in her chest as well .

"Sorry Rendra no matter how the relationship mama and papa you, you know yourself, 'Rendra sorry mama ya, sorry Rendra mama can not give you a whole family , forgive mama Rendra, sorry, mama can't have any more love for your biological papa and walu the slightest bit of feeling it's gone yawn somewhere , I'm sorry Rendra Mama can't lie to your heart and what else you are, the feeling that used to love her so much has changed with only sympathy because mama does not want to keep you to your biological father, but if you can be honest with you, son, actually mama will never be able to let you go if you are close to her really mama is afraid you will go and turn to choose your papa ,but mama also realized you also have the right to know who your father is and know him , especially you are not a child anymore dear, but if mama thinks of her really mama does not want Rendra who he is , but if you think of her, Rendra is not willing to be who he is ,mama who was pregnant with you, gave birth to you if she ever worried about us, even once she never did, and if her reason could not find us, that is not the reason, , ' that is not the reason ,what good is the money if he wants to actually he can find us faster, only he never searches and does not want to know we will .with Isak crying Alisa told her even she still continues her story .

"Now that you're an adult she just came in, and don't you know what she's up to, she just wants to take you, she just wants to take you,mama knows because she can't have a son with her affair that's Rendra, and she's just looking for us because she wants you to come with your papa ,just so he knows mama is not a person who can release the child that has been taken care of and raised so far with great difficulty, mama can not and will not .alisa said with a fire and wanted to burn it.

Rendra who heard that was also feeling training, but his ignorant habits can never change, he was still joking in this situation .

"Oh is it true ma ,mama has struggled to raise me huh .....?

ehh....., not the one who struggled to raise me was Oma, and mama was always busy studying, even no time for Rendra" said Rendra with her sweet mouth .

Alisa who heard that also immediately pinched her son, ,Rendra who felt the pinch immediately complained of pain with her spoiled ,sense of pleasure, anxious and embarrassed also seen from the face of Alisa, she admitted that Rendra was not her who raised her, who took care of her a lot was her mama and her papa ,but in her innermost heart there was always a feeling of affection as a mother, and it was always there for her son ,he admitted that he had limited his affection because the face of his son was very similar to the man he used to love in his past.

Alisa also realized long ago , if she could never release her son, because for her son is a source of passion for her , he is the one who makes her want to succeed ,he's the one who made her want to prove to her papa first that she can be as her parents want and ideals right, right, one thing is for sure Rendra is always able to make her rise when she is tired, he said,desperate and desperate because he admitted he did not want later if he met Fero he just said to ride live even though it was on his parents ,and he also wants to be able to facilitate his own son without the interference of his parents, Alisa wants to give the best, and whatever in need of Rendra's only son in this life, even to get married, he was unthinkable if not because there was a crazy man like Lenan who made him accept it, even Rendra was willing to accept the man if Rendra refused he would also refuse at that time, but unexpectedly the boy was even familiar with the man ,that's what made him accept her .

"When are you there are you healthy and well - okay why do I think of that man, do I miss him ,ah is this normal .Alisa was in her heart wondering about her feelings .

Without realizing the smile was visible from his blushing lips, Rendra also caught the smile ,he was also in his heart so calm because he saw his favorite mama was able to smile again even though the woman was smiling because what she did not think of her.