I Have to Survive

21.the taste that must not exist

I plumbed all her words I was trying to figure out what I really wanted and I needed right now, my mind immediately took over all of her ,I have to decide immediately all this can't be us like this, I have to be firm with him , ' he said ,I admit my heart is touched and comfortable with him but I can no longer think of love at this moment, I don't want to be hurt anymore by his name love,quite once I got drunk by love and left everything behind, I don't want to repeat it again, I don't want to be disappointed for the second time ,I'm no longer a plain woman who can be easily intoxicated with a sweet snick of love, now I have to organize my life, that's the path I have to look for , now I can live peacefully and comfortably even without my husband that is my priority right now.

"Alisa why are you silent?., do you really say ?.., you can't even forget Brother Fero even for a moment in your life ?.Al give me time, trust me Al , I can remove it ,and do not reject me before you try it ".farel in a clear voice said it .

I who could not bear the pain also heard it ,but my heart can't lie there's no place here for him I'm comfortable with him but it's only comfortable because I feel like I have a sister and I have friends here .

"Rel don't waste your life trying something that you won't be able to achieve even you have, did you know your sister's rail has made my heart just for her and all of this belongs to her, even my Qkupun's life is resigned to her ,until no other man can enter the rail, you know how much my love for that man, who hurt me,but I don't know why I can't put it on the rail, you have to pull back, I'm not you're disappointed and disappointed and then you're gonna get hurt that can't make you rise because of that love,you can still enjoy your life rail , you guys who have a good future , career okay don't be like us just for love we risk everything , ' he said ,and look at my life and your brother's life rails, happy? ."and I continued it again.

"And you think leaving the family is convenient?.that's not even Rel you will feel alone and always alone and in that moment you will feel how important the family is to you ,and you think getting married just needs love, you just need love look at us Rel you can see how great we used to love each other but what we can seamlessly go through this household ordeal ,you can see for yourself with your own eyes Rel head, so you can get a woman who and your parents both approve , so you can easily build your household unlike our Rel , '' so you can easily build your house ,I want you to get the best and it's not me rail, your soul mate must have been provided there in front of you.I told you to end our conversation , I closed the connection unilaterally, I closed the connection,immediately I put it on the table beside my bed .

I also immediately closed my eyes I did not want to think of all the dizzying things about my life that I wanted me to be able to sleep and continue my busy day tomorrow morning with my boss of course .

In a man's room :

Phone connection has been disconnected from ,he was also Ter Pana and did not believe it turned out that the day he passed this will be a secondhand memory for the woman he loved so much and who he hoped to be his companion in the future .

Now I don't know how to deal with it, hearing your rejection makes my heart ache, and makes me helpless about it, why am I lacking, what because you consider me a little boy Al,only 4 years is our distance and there is not even a reason why you act as if I cannot keep up with you, what a lackey I am in your eyes & you take for granted my love and sincerity .

Can't have Alisa you go through a new first you can throw me away if I let you down, why did you reject me before you started with me , don't deserve me in your eyes Al .

You should be able to judge first, not reject me who wants to prove myself, why can I be your companion, your guardian, and your complaining place, I want you to be with me .

Why until I beg , I humbled myself and you still refuse and do not see me , am I too useless to you Al, are you ashamed to have a companion like me, though I will be better than my brother, I prove it was Al , why do you always compare me with him , the one who clearly hurt you doesn't even care about you.

Unsatisfied are you harmed by her, and so precious and dear is she in your heart that you cannot and will not erase her in your heart Al,even willingly saving it and throwing away my sincere love and never being able to turn away from you this is Al,I felt my self-esteem was shattered to hear what else she rejected just because of the man she didn't deserve to be proud of.

Considering all that makes me want to be angry and want me to destroy all the stuff in my room, I feel helpless with this love, why this love comes and created if it will only make me hurt ,indeed I admit that this love should not bloom again, I should have annihilated until the roots are not left and arise on the surface, but what power I also want my love to be reciprocated by her ,and I also want my love to have a happy ending, what else I see clearly how my stupid brother betrayed her, and my mother was happy to support him ,although I am ashamed to admit it , it is our fault as a family mas Fero I feel a great shame , but I can not erase my family genealogy .