I Have to Survive

19. before it's too late

I looked at the face of the man in front of me, I tried to find the truth from his words, I saw the earnestness and steadiness that was drawn in his eyes, but that was when a shadow appeared in my head ,I saw Fero who used to say sweet things but with the tenacity of the sweet words replaced with bitter pills that are so sticky to taste that the bitterness will not disappear until the end my life will still be bitter, and the Fero I love with all my heart, I believe , I know & always together can betray me,especially the guy in front of me who is still unstable and only this boy .

I don't feel I smile at the thought of her silliness, how could I possibly accept her love, the sister of the person who has hurt me.O indeed they both have gone crazy , her brother has betrayed me and she also wants to play around with me.

"farel wherever I am is your brother-in-law, and whenever your brother is the one who has filled my heart, my brother,although we'll split up later do you know what it means later and what kind of relationship you want to reach if you and I are together, don't you think about that Rel,"I said with a bit of a bitter feeling there .

farel looked sad he looked at me, he reached my hand and replied to me.

"Lis I beg Lis, I will work to replace

the position of brother Fero in your heart, I can't believe it all to me, just answer yes, I want it from you Lis , don't you think too far ,".said farel by pleading .

I looked at her again, I looked at her once again , I felt her pain .

"you cannot erase much less change the sculpture that has been engraved on the rail stone, like the name of your brother even if it only brings wounds he will remain there in my heart ,I said with great steadiness even though I was wrapped in wounds there .

"So let me so heal your wounds Al , I willingly wait for you , beside me until later you can heal from your wounds and can love me if you can, if I can't be happy I can be beside you even if only as whatever I want as long as you want to be with me later Al" said Farel who surprised me

I could only smile bitterly looking at her, I didn't know exactly what she was thinking in her heart.

"you and I may for our age not be too far adrift but for experience I know the rail better, I've been dating, married ever even bitter and sweet had I tasted it ,"I said by continuing .

I said snapping at her I was fed up with all this before her brother and now her sister, are they not satisfied with what I've been through now.

"Alisa I'm not my sister, I won't stop loving you, I won't hurt you because I love you so much, and I promise I won't dump you because my heart was already yours when we first met,everything that's on you I love it and I won't let you suffer Al" Farel said there was no doubt in his every word.

I can no longer be there I immediately go from his presence, I do not want to get dissolved in the mind that should not be, I am here still as the wife of his Brother , ' she said ,I don't want to add to our problems, I don't want to be counted rake until my sister's sister embat, how will my mother-in-law's mind later if she knows this ,surely he'll be mad at me, I thought he was horrified not to be able to imagine.

But I haven't been able to walk away she's already holding my hand and hugging me, I was shocked by that.

"farel, I hope our relationship is enough sister if you want more sorry I can not you have got it earlier even if only a day, that I hope you have satisfied your wild mind , but in the future I can not grant your wish, because regardless of what your brother sells to me, I keep your brother-in-law, and as long as it is for me so rel , ' he said ,I can't think of you more, I'm sorry rel" .

I tried to say that, I realized I was just a woman who had a husband and her brother was my husband, I couldn't possibly accept the love she had in my life ,even though the story of me and her brother Fero is over, I don't want to be together with her sister because with that it's not that I just repeat it in the family, right, only the difference tomorrow with Fero's sister's farel, I imagine it can't be, ' he said ,what else should I live his life with my ex-husband and ex-honey who was his status to be my sister-in-law later, no I don't want it to happen .

I don't want to be around any more meeting people who have clearly hurt me, but on the other hand Farel is a good boy, he's in Fero's neighborhood who cares about me the most after I realize it ,I didn't want to hurt her, and gave her false hope.

"Sorry Farel, I don't deserve your love, you can find the nicest and freshest woman on all sides to be your companion, more and better than me , ' she said , because whenever I can't be with you, I understand that I'm Rel, we can't be together because that's what's best for both of us ."

I said that by going to find a taxi, leaving the farel in its place, I better not give her hope that she would never have, she said,if he wants me it's just a dream for him I don't want to make him go up and continue to ride enjoying his dream because wherever dreams are only the flowers that will only be there for a time he fell asleep, I wanted him to see the reality though bitter I wanted him to open his eyes, I couldn't be with him, any color there was a thin distance separating us ,and it can't be me and him passing through as a normal human being.

I hope she can get a good girl, who can make her mother happy because she has a daughter-in-law like her wish, because I realize it's too late for me to be her mother-in-law's dream daughter-in-law .