Not Same Again

The way I love you

^^^_In London, October 2021.^^^

....o0....

When you let go of some people who didn't really expect you to exist, you were the winner.

You lose those who don't love you too much, while they lose people who love them so much.

Nothing can be denied, if something is required to happen then no matter how hard you try to hold it he will automatically end without you knowing.

It may seem a little selfish to some, but can we think a little bit from a different point of view.

Sometimes we have to change in some circumstances to look good in maintaining the usual life.

I finally chose to come to this country to continue my studies and it is likely that I will change majors as well.

From the beginning I majored in business because I thought my father had no successor other than me.  But everything has changed since our meeting last week. After our meeting at that time, the next day I decided to fly and chose London as the place for me to start everything.

No one knows where I am now. I just disappeared without a trace. The only one who knows my situation is fine may be Ivan. Even if he doesn't know where I am now.

I only contacted him a few times, because I was preoccupied with a lot of things I needed to take care of to go to college.

And you know, medicine is the major I'm taking right now. I only need 2 years to go to college considering I was also a scholar before. With the knowledge and courage to go far. In the end I accepted at one of the medical universities here.

In addition to following the scholarship path to lighten my burden a little. I also had to score a little high to get the scholarship and luckily I got through and got it.

Class activities will begin next week. That means I still have a few days to find a side job that can help me to finance my life here.

I have enough savings for a little while. But I also have to work in order to have savings in case it takes money quickly. Moreover, my father could not send me any more money because the credit card he gave me had been returned after our quarrel at that time.

I have made the best decision in life, that I will learn well and finance myself without the involvement of others. I have decided to disappear for a moment from the views of the people who have been present but chose to change at that time.

I don't think it's a coincidence that I've reached this point now. It is not a coincidence that the road I went through was easy or vice versa. It could be a gift from God for good or something else I don't know. Or maybe the prayers of the best people who never break up.

One thing I want to admit. Regardless of what happens between me and Papa it won't change anything about us.

He's still my only father.

He remains my only home.

Nothing will change that.

Maybe a few days ago, we were being emotionally charged and saying words we shouldn't have. But, he was still an unforgettable person in the entire span of my life.

I took this decision only to go back to contemplating while improving myself. After I thought I wasn't fully grown, so it's okay if I have to step away a bit to reintroduce myself. I also need time and choice for myself.

"Pa! Sorry Sena! Just give me a little time to live alone and enjoy it without hurting people. I promise, one day I'll come back and go home to stay your son!" I said on the balcony of my apartment that afternoon.

For some time need to be patient in addressing some things. Not everything has to happen now. It takes time to get better, appreciate a

process is the best thing

doable.

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^^^Indonesia, 08.00 AM^^^

..._***_...

"Once again, if I'm to be honest, I want to make a lot of memories about him. Because if indeed later we are destined not to be together, then at least there is a pile of memories that can warm when we are on different sheets," he murmured while sipping his morning coffee accompanied by some files that he needed to work on today.

"Oee! Morning really!" said Bayu who had appeared at the door of his room.

"Did you come here?" Jeno focused on her laptop without looking back at it.

"Well, I'm here in trouble, if not here more trouble again. You mean what?" pissed Bayu.

"Yes, anyway. You make your own coffee noh," said Jeno.

"Gue guests yes, if you forget!" Sayu is upset.

"Continue?" Jeno said.

"Oh yeah, I don't want to make a fuss" he said and passed to make coffee at a table not far from where they were sitting.

"Eh, bro!" Call Jeno.

"What?" Bayu focuses on his activities.

"I have to start fixing it. Your problems have never been touched upon in years. Even you don't realize it, if you've been almost 2 years no better than Sena!" Bayu remembered.

"Lo's right. I think tonight after returning I have to go to his house!" Jeno said for sure.

"Should I come too?" ask Bayu.

"Hm, for a while my own impression first time yes!" he said while thinking.

"He did. You also need time to talk to him both," replied Bayu.

On the way after work....

"After this much, do I still deserve to go back and be a little more selfish?" he muttered while squeezing his car steering wheel occasionally.

"Do we deserve to have our relationship repaired? Ah, I'm fixing it, exactly? Can I still apologize from him? Why am I so aware now!!" he murmured while accelerating the speed of his car to a place that he may not have visited in recent times.

With a few quick steps I got out of the car and a little ran towards the door of his house. I don't know what encouragement, as if someone says if I'm a little late maybe I'll feel a little regret I don't know. But obviously I want to see his face as soon as possible, I want to embrace his small body in my arms, I want to stroke and scramble his hair. I want everyone back from the beginning. As I continued to pursue him, saying love openly to him. And many more. Till....

Tok tok!!

After a few times this door I was knocked finally opened by a middle-aged woman who I remember exactly she was the only maid in their home who had worked for so long.

"Eh, son Jeno! I haven't been here in a long time. Please come in son!" Auntie Im said smiling kindly at me.

"Excuse Bi. Yes Jeno just here now, yesterday was very busy because." I smiled and entered the house. One thing that caught my attention was the way the arrangement of this room has been different, even almost all the paintings that decorate the walls have looked all new. And one more thing, family photos that are neatly plastered in front of the living room are no longer there. I felt a stranger entering this house. In the past, here was my second home, where I ate, played, slept and much more.

Now everything seems to disappear and change even the atmosphere and fragrance of the room is different and feels foreign.

Am I ready to go back into his life? That was the first question that came to my mind.

"For a moment, son. Auntie get Ivan's den here. You drink first!" Said Aunt Im while climbing the stairs that I know very well it was the stairs to Sena's room. But, what makes me ask a little question is that he said he would call Ivan here. Then, oh I just remember Ivan kan our Junior in college and has become the adopted son of om Reza now. And of course he is also Sena's brother now.

After being satisfied to look at the corner point of this room. I finally turned to someone I knew standing with a meaningless gaze in the middle of the stairs. What I have in mind at this time is what room Ivan also on the top floor is the same as Sena?

Ah, just cut it. I think I should hold back a little now. Slowly everything will be answered.

"Hi bro!" Greet Ivan who is almost sitting on the sofa in front of me now.

"Hm," the answer looks unusual.

"How are you? Sorry, I didn't say first, must have been busy?" I said a little laugh lightly.

"Oh, gapapa. I'm a little busy anyway," he said with the same gaze still on me now.

"Why?" I asked impatiently because I saw that he didn't let go of his gaze at all.

"Ah, I'm just a little long for a natap lo. It turns out that you have changed a lot, yes, we rarely even meet after 2 years, even though we are still in the same city!" he chuckles a little.

"Yes. We never even met! How are you?" I'm still trying to figure out a lot of things maybe starting from the news.

"Yes, as you see now.  Lo himself?" He asked back.

"OK me. Oh, isn't Sena home anymore?" ask me in the end because from earlier I did not see his existence other than Im aunt who passed by.

"Yes. He's not home!" he smiled meaningfully.

"Oh. He must be busy!" I sipped a drink in front of me.

"Yes, it's been busy. Very busy, to be exact!" He smiled more and more but what I saw was not a happy smile of course.

"Hm, yeah. Indeed it should be at our current age that it must be at a very busy busy level!" I smile too.

After a few minutes later....

If you think the missed time was spent to share the story, of course you are wrong. We just spend that time to be quiet with each other's thoughts and occasionally I gulp my drink of course.

"Oh, yeah. Here to why brother? Is there a need?" ivan asked after we were silent with our own thoughts.

"Gue came here to see Sena! Is he behind it a long time?" I said in the end.

"Ah. It looks like it might be a little long. I'm also not in love with the news of when to turn it," replied Ivan with a gaze looking out the window.

"Oh, yes, I have. Let me come back tomorrow. Give my regards to him!" Tell me and go home.

"Yes, I'll tell you. Be careful on the way!" ivan said to take me in front.

"Did Sena not want to see me? Is he really out? Or ah, tomorrow I'm here again!" I muttered and ran the car.

While the car was almost lost from his sight he said clearly, "why come here? You idiot, you don't even feel at all the changes I made from our conversation. I wish I had no chance to see him again. I'm tired of seeing him around people like you! My brother deserves to be happy and happy without you in his life. Even if I knew of his whereabouts now, I wouldn't want to bring you guys together no matter what. I know very well and understand very well how he tried to get out of all this. So, there's no way I'm ruining all of his efforts for people like you!"  ivan said and went back into the house.