Not Same Again

Non-stop notifications

Sometimes I still look

that name every unlocks the names of contacts on the phone. Though I used to be able to contact him anytime, invite him to talk as much as I do, scold silly behavior and much more about him.

Now I just stare at his name long enough, silenced by curiosity by the same question 'how is he now? and why have we come so far? What reason? Was I so evil at the time?'.

Always ask that question every time you see and remember it. I don't know exactly how big my mistake was. I even forgot when was the last time we were together and mocked and clashed at each other.

Even we have graduated and graduated now without ever greeting each other every time we meet and look.

And the decision I'm taking right now is the right one in my mind right now. I have to fix it or at least I have to understand its clarity to this extent.

Yes, I was in the corner of the cafe with this complicated human being. It's so complicated that I can't find the meeting point of the problems between us.

In the end I put aside my ego to ask him to meet and want to know how and why we got to this phase. Almost a year more have never greeted each other with problems that I did not understand at all until this moment.

"Yeah, Jeno! Can you just give me a quick reason why we're like this?" I asked with a slightly cynical tone to see his look that seemed to have no problem at all.

"You mean?" Jeno squinted her eyes with a flat look.

"Stop pretending to bego for now! I want to know why!" i'm firm.

"About what?" Jeno was confused and still focused on looking at her.

"Aiss! About us!" I said short and a little upset.

"We? Why us?" Jeno has a stupid face.

"Huh, give me a reason why we're like this? Have we not been good friends before? Then why are you getting away from me now?" ask me in the end.

"Huh? But, haven't we never been best friends before?" said chuckle.

"OKAY. Let's fix! If my mistake is too big to forgive. I beg you to give me one more chance to fix it, even though until this moment I do not understand what happened and what my mistake really is!" I said seriously and looked back at him.

"You don't know what your mistake was. Why are you apologizing? You're not wrong, I'm the only one who is limiting yourself to not see you again!" Jeno's answer is clear.

"The cave never does, consider you a friend! So don't feel important in my life. Especially when we talk about the relationship between us. I guess from the beginning we never had a relationship!" firmly Jeno.

"OKAY. Whatever it is, it's all about you that I think is gone. I've dared to fight ego to meet you here and talk about this. And it turns out I'm the only one who feels like we've been friends because you never felt it. So, free if I ask for a reason or explanation now. After all, we're not in trouble either!" I said disappointed, he I was really disappointed now, I wanted to fix it but apparently there was nothing to fix.

"Yep you're right! I just don't want to be around people like you, whose life can only hurt people around you. So, don't you blame me for trying to get away from you? Our way of life is also different. If you can live by bullying, harming others, becoming a source of problems in the lives of others, spending the night in places that are not real, not true, and living in a hypocritical way because of lack of attention can not even take care of themselves properly. Then why should I force it or should I give a reason why I'm staying away?" jeno said with a look of hate.

"Hm. Your understanding of me is so basic! I can't believe a Jeno could be affected by the same irresponsible mouth-to-mouth speech. Gapapa, everything is only because I have not been able to reveal all the truth. And I guess, after this maybe I'll stop investigating last year's events why I was cornered back then. In the end, those who hate me will hate me. While others may not need a reason because they accept me for who I am!" I said smiling miris.

"Whoahs. You're still finding out about that incident, aren't you? Why, want to turn the facts around? Don't fight too hard, everyone knows how to do it!" replied Jeno cynically.

"Yes. From now on, I will stop. Because the reason I'm looking for the truth is to prove to you that I'm not like that. About a lot of people who know that, I don't care because I just want to explain to you. But, I finally understand now that everything will be in vain too," I chuckled.

"Hm. Let's end it all here. Never see each other again. Let's just say we never knew each other and never will! Because it will make me hate the same myself who once lived around you and stupid again ever love you who do not know how to appreciate the feelings of others! So, let's stop here!" Jeno said firmly.

"Yes. Lo right, we are not like this and do not meet should, if you know it will be kek gini. At least I'm still here and I have the intention to fix it. Alright. I assure you we will never meet again. I'm sorry to have put so much in vain between us.

Woah, I should have said my farewells by finally 'until we meet'. But in fact, this is the end. So, let's stop!" I said with a smile of disappointment and left her in the corner of the cafe.

Yep. I understand, I can't force some things in life including its existence.

I realized I was wrong in the end. So let this end well and it should.

"Gue will remember this until anytime. This place I feel abandoned as a friend. As a friend and as a person who does not understand what is really happening. I'll never come here again and that cafe will be a place I'll never stop by. I'll go and disappear as far away from your sight as possible. Not even everything about me you'll hear anymore. Sorry!" inner Sena who was crouching on the side of the street and crying without a sound. And it was really very painful for her when she could cry in silence.

"I'm sorry. I have no choice but to get further away from my side. I know that all my actions hurt me. Even so until this moment I still love and love the same you too deep. I'm sick of seeing you made like that. Sorry can't give you a reason now. I know I'm a jerk. But, if this can make you all right why can't I sell it? I want you to be happy regardless of the truth of all the accusations. I still love you See!" Inner Jeno with a concerned look saw Sena squatting while crying without a sound, yes she followed Sena's steps when she left her at the cafe earlier.

In the end. Last year's incident of how ugly Sena was in the mouth of people still stuck in every one of those close to her. No one will accept that easily. Plus Sena has not clarified all of that because of lack of evidence. Jeno will be like that in the end.

Slowly. Everything will be back well later.

sept _13. 2021