Best Defense

Again and Again!

For almost an hour I made sure Ben was calm and not scared anymore when I left him with Mrs. Darla, the nanny that I trust takes care of her. Sean hired Mrs. Darla through one of the special foundations of child care providers who can speak English and Indonesian. I salute his wish for Ben to speak two languages at once, and of course preferred English. Ben can speak Indonesian later, it will not be difficult for him to adapt to Indonesian because we live here.

Okay, back to the core. I forgot my intention to go to the boutique today. My mind was not completely calm yet, I was still annoyed by Mia's words that casually said I was stupid. I used to dislike using others to please me, even if he was my husband. I prefer to work and buy things with my work, because I don't have to feel guilty when spending as much money as I want.

I got out of Ben's room and went back to the dinner table to see Mia, but there was no one there. My eyes caught Miss Diana cleaning the kitchen, "Miss, where's Mia?" my question is flat, I don't want to hide my frustration right now.

Miss Diana turned around as soon as I heard my voice, "So she's back in her room, Madam." I immediately stepped away leaving her without saying anything. I ignored the greeting of the Madam that I did not like, during my move here Sean said there must be a limit between workers and employers so that they know their position and not carelessly. That's why the housekeepers and other workers call me Madam, the same call goes for Mom and Mia.

I stepped into Mia's room, I saw her lying down while playing her phone, "Mia, please explain what you meant." I said without wasting time, I ruffled my waist, I said, show that I am serious about what I say.

Mia was still relaxed, she smiled at me as she shifted her sitting position to face me, her hands resting on pillows and propping up her chin, "Which words am I?" This kid is so relaxed, I'll make sure you're done this time!

"What do you mean I'm stupid? I really don't like your stupidity, Mia! Sean is my husband, but that doesn't mean you can use him as you please. You can ask me or Edward if you want anything."

"Why did you marry him? Why would you bother working in a boutique while you have a money-making machine?"

Holy hooch! I really couldn't bear to hear her words anymore, her mouth was so incredibly insolent. "Don't equate me with you! I'm not a lazy woman who just sits quietly at home and squanders money like you, I can't enjoy anything without working. It doesn't matter to me that you don't want to work and just spend money without having to bother looking for it, but don't whine at my husband. Ask me or Ed, we'll give you the fancy life you want. Haven't we been following all your will? Don't embarrass me in front of Sean by continuing to sell my status as his wife!"

I vented all my frustration on him, all this time I tried to hold back because I remembered Dad spoiling him, I always kept quiet and obeyed his will so that he would not feel too lost when Dad left us a few years ago, Dad's departure was very hard for him, he said, especially if you remember sometimes Dad put me first than he who is his biological daughter.

"Oh, so you're blaming me now? You forgot I didn't work because of who? I don't work because I take care of your son, while you're busy with your madness first. Don't forget that, Panda! You should be thanking me because I'm replacing your position next to Ben, not blaming me like this."

Yeah, God! This kid really didn't understand what I meant, and now he's taking Ben for his reason. I have to teach him a lesson this time. His attitude can not be silenced continuously, he will be more insolent and do not know himself if it continues to be left alone.

"I didn't ask you! Not once have I forced you to look after Ben! Don't make Ben an excuse to cover up your lazy nature, you're no longer a child who should continue to rely on us. You're 27 years old! How long are you gonna be like this? Have you ever thought about your future? Don't expect me to keep living you!"

My whole body trembled with anger, my cheeks began to heat up from the tears that I was certain would soon spill. Mia came down from her bed, I swiftly pulled her hand as she was about to get out of the room. We have to sort it out now and make sure Mia understands what I'm saying, I don't want the matter to drag on.

I know Mia is worried now, she rubbed my back many times, "Breath, breath, and breath... Come on, you can do it."

I walked around without knowing my purpose in doing so, this damn distraction was excruciating. My whole body was shaking and shivering. I breathe like a dying person, forcing oxygen in quickly and exhaling even faster, hoping that this disturbance goes away and disappears immediately.

"Yes, God, Mia! It really torments me! I can't take it anymore, why won't he go... Please get rid of this fucking distraction!" I was wondering, my brain is no longer working properly. The heat and tightness that attacked my body made me want to undress, I opened the bond of the bathrobe that wrapped around, no matter my condition that only wore underwear, I flicked it to relieve my tightness, I felt like, but it didn't work at all.

"Mia´s... Can you help me, please... Help me... I'm scared, Mia... Why won't he go, damn it, aahhhh!" half conscious I hit my head against the wall a few times, I felt pain, but this damn panic disorder was more agonizing.

I could no longer digest Mia's words that directed me to breathe, "Return your breath, Panda! Breathe, you can do it. Come on, you can! I'm here with you."

I was still conscious when Mia started having trouble facing me who was like a possessed person. My suffering continued, not knowing how long I had been experiencing it and moving around with a nearly naked body, until I saw Sean appear. It was obvious that he was surprised by my circumstances, I didn't care about him, my brain really couldn't work together.

"Mia´s... I'mfrightened... Help me, Mia! Help me!" I started to snap, this disturbance is really brazen! I felt Sean enveloping my body wearing only underwear, I muttered, blankets are not what I need right now. I want this fucking distraction gone.

"Why doesn't he want to go? Aaahhhh.." I got to the top, my neck choked, hot, dizzy, tight and nauseous attacked me simultaneously, collaborating to create such a torturous feeling, making me feel in hell. My hands did not stop holding my neck which was suffocating. I no longer know how I am doing now, which is obviously terrible.

"Mia, why won't he go? Yeah, God! Why is he torturing me like this. Please, help me! I really can't take it anymore!"

***

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Love the spirit, first night otw😂