Best Defense

Mia, Brother!

I walked downstairs, my lamb started to wriggle in there, protesting that it hasn't been filled so well since yesterday, that I didn't even finish the steak that last night should have been my only meal yesterday. My eyes caught my mother playing with Ben, accompanied by Miss Diana who was watching a Korean drama. Turned around, Mom and Ben were accompanying her. Basic, widow centil.

"Wait, am I not a widow?" I chuckled at my own words, lucky that Mother and Miss Diana did not hear them, if so, surely the little widow grumbled at me. In this house she is always the queen, nagging at anyone who does anything wrong or interferes with her work.

I walked over to the small dining table, smeared a few loaves of bread at a time with chocolate jam, and directly devoured them with one big bite. I closed my eyes enjoying the combination of food that spoiled the tongue. After finishing the bread, I walked to the refrigerator, poured a glass of milk and immediately drank it to the toilet.

I wanted to join the living room with Mom, Ben, and Miss Diana, but it wasn't because I saw Mia calling me from above with a gesture of her hand.

"What?" I said without a sound, only through the movement of the mouth. Mia did not answer, only her hand kept telling me to come.

I rushed upstairs, leaving Mother, Ben, and Miss Diana in the living room. Curious about what he wants to say.

"Why?" tanya was impatient. Mia pulled me into the room, and immediately locked the door. I frowned looking at him.

Mia sat on the bed, her eyes looking at me sharply, "What are you thinking?" ketus tanyanya.

Ah, I got it. Mia must be demanding an explanation for my panic attack.

"The two troublemakers." I honestly replied, I can't hide anything from him. She must have known all about me even though I didn't tell her.

Mia rolled her eyes, not believing the stupid answer that came out of my lips, "Moreover what are you thinking? Didn't I say it many times? You don't need any consideration to choose one of them. The answer is very clear, why should you waste time on unimportant things and make you depressed?"

I lay down, staring at the ceiling of the room, preparing a good answer to deny it, "I'm not sure about it yet. I don't want to experience the same thing as before, experience makes me have to be more alert" I said carefully. Kulirik Mia was taking a breath, I think my answer was enough to soften it.

"You can't keep living by remembering your past, Panda! Have you not forgotten him? When do you want to live like this? At least remember your son, you were too busy amusing yourself by working like a possessed man when Ben needed you, why don't you think about it? Do you expect Ben to understand your condition that you're forcing?" I was wrong, Mia did not soften in the slightest. I'm really done this time. Mia will destroy me.

I looked at Mia with a clear face, "Not that, I'm just not ready if I have to start again..." I got up, took the medicine in my dresser drawer, and purposely brought it to Mia's front with a bottle of mineral water.

"You want to drink it in front of me so I can have mercy on you, right? Don't hope!"

Shit man!!!

Mia threw my medicine back at the dressing table, then looked at me sharply, her gaze was, Yes, God! I can even feel my chest split right now.

"Stop saying nonsense! This isn't a fairy tale land, and you're not a cinderella, don't expect the prince to come with your fictitious pair of glasses! Awake, Panda! You must seek your own happiness!"

"Don't wait for someone to come and give you happiness, go get it! Never let yourself fall as low as you do all this time, you have to wake up!" Mia started to fumble, it's going to be long and tiring. This girl won't stop before she manages to open my brain and peddle the contents one by one. Anyone would not be able to resist if the mouth of the sword was rambled. All right, I'll just shut up and take a look at the Life of Romance course this time.

"I really don't understand your way of thinking! You're smart but you're stupid. You're smart when you ask for a divorce from Nino first, but you're stupid when you choose to live with who you're going to be. The answer is very clear. YOU DON'T DESERT SOMEONE WHO COMES BACK, YOU DESIRE SOMEONE WHO NEVER LEAVES!"

Lord, please save me! Can I faint for a while? Panic Attacks! Yeah, panic attack! You're where? Come on, I need your help! Save me from this man before his mouth rips me apart.

"Don't expect anything from Nino, she's not a good match for you. Open your heart to others, do not put a fence beyond the wall of China, you will not be able to fight against the wonders of the world. I don't care who you end up with, as long as he's good and not Nino, I'll be happy. Don't torture yourself for too long, Ben needs you by his side."

Oh, Mia! You make me want to cry now, why can my sister turn out to be this wise? Should I be ashamed or proud? To hell with embarrassment, of course I'm proud to have it. I waited for his words of mutiny that would make me cry, but it had not come out since. Too long!

"You know, I don't want to work. I really want to work and enjoy life like you, but I can't afford to see Ben with Mom and Miss Diana every day, it's not going to be the same for Ben even though I'm sure they can take good care of him. Ben needs you and Nino. You've hurt her with a divorce, and now you're leaving her and busy with each of you."

Mia made it, I cried. I lost with his mouth. I can't hold tightness in my chest anymore. Being reminded of Ben made my defense collapse instantly. I covered my face with both hands, the guilt on Ben hitting me so hard.

"You were expecting it so much, trying everywhere, supporting and strengthening each other, until Nino was caught lying and cheating, you forgave her. And then you get it again, you take it again, until finally the last time you decided to divorce when Ben was here with you."

"I don't blame you for forcing a divorce with Nino, but don't be selfish anymore. You can't just think of yourself. Is this how you treat the child you want first? Simply hurt her with a divorce, no longer add to her grief by abandoning her with others. My niece needs you, Panda. Ben desperately needs his Mommy. The child is too young to feel the consequences of your mistakes. Don't make Ben an impingement, he's innocent."

Mia's words really slapped me. I just realized that I've hurt my son so cruelly. My selfishness to treat my heartache eventually made me forget Ben who needed my attention. Can Ben forgive me after this? I screamed more and more considering how this morning he told me to go back to sleep, Oh, my God! Ben, I'm sorry Mommy.

I slid into Mia's arms. I hugged my sister, I cried so hard. This is the first time I've cried like this with Mia. His mind was much more mature than mine, and I always thought of him as a child who knew nothing.

"Is this what it's like to be a sister when she calms her sister down in tears?" mia's insinuations suddenly made me pull away and hit her arm.

"YES, SIS!" I said, Mia smiled, before long we both laughed together.

"Where should I start?" I asked for advice, I really don't know what to do with my life.

"What about Sean?"

***