Best Defense

Forgiveness.

For the second time this morning, I went back to my room. I let my husband sleep longer while I bathed and accompanied my son to play for over an hour. Before opening the door, I scooped up as much air as possible until it filled every cavity of my chest. Gathering the strength to receive the anger of Sean who may now be waiting to abuse me.

Feeling strong enough to meet him, I moved my hand to the doorknob and opened it. The first thing I saw was my husband standing behind me on the walk in closet. The towel wrapped around her waist, her wet hair and the grains of water on her back explained that she had just taken a bath.

My breath choked staring at the muscles of his body. The body I miss so much. The body I want to embrace right now. Not wanting to linger wasting time, I walked quickly and wrapped my hands together from behind her body to wrap around her warm, hard chest. I could feel her being surprised and was about to let go of my embrace.

"Don't move." I said. "I miss you, Sean. Please let me hold you for five minutes. You can continue your anger later, but let me charge to accept your anger." He complies. I moved my nose slowly to sniff out the scent of lavender attached to her delicate skin while both of my hands fumbled wildly at her chest and stomach muscles.

My lips smiled happily as my ears caught a slow growl and stuck in his mouth. My husband is holding back from attacking me. I could feel his breath hunting and his chest pounding hard under my palm. I tightened my arms, then ventured into a voice after a moment of silence.

"Don't turn around and listen to what I'm saying." I took one more breath and he seemed willing to listen to me. "Sean, you sure know I love you. Love you so much." I paused for a moment to feel her smooth skin at the tip of my nose.

"Then I passed out." I tightened my arms as I felt him turn around. He must have been surprised to hear my words. But I don't want to stop before I say everything. Sean had to listen to my explanation so he could decide whether to stay angry or forgive me later.

"Me, Denise, and Pritta had just returned from the clinic and just as we arrived at the boutique, Nino arrived. He asked for time to talk. I was wrong to tell him to come in because I thought he wouldn't dare to touch me. At that moment I felt the need to remind her once again about our relationship."

"She said her mother was sick and asked me to see her. I didn't refuse, but I said that I would come with you. I know you won't let me see Mama alone. I know that."

Sean hissing. I lowered my hand to hold her clenched hand. I slowly opened my fist and linked my finger there with my position still behind it. My hot face was holding back tears from sticking to his back.

"A short time after that, he stood up. I thought he was just going to leave and get out of my room. Suddenly, she hugged me. I've been trying to push him to let me go, and damn it you came before I got away from him." My tears fell when I closed my eyes. I bit my lower lip tight to hold back the cry until I could feel the blood salty in my mouth.

I licked my lips, wiped the blood out and continued my words. "Sean." hissing. "I know how painful it hurts to be betrayed. I've felt it many times, and when it happened it felt like I wanted to die that very second. I rejected the presence of men in my life because I didn't want to be betrayed again, until you made me believe that I deserved to be happy. I deserve a happy life. So, how could I hurt you that way, Sean? I really love you."

Trying to calm myself down, I sighed and took a heavy breath. "Sean, I know how your heart is right now and you deserve to be angry." Both of my legs moved around his body and stopped right in front of him. My heart faded watching his desperate expression. "For God's sake, Sean, it's not at all what it seems. I let her in because I thought I should affirm once again and one last time to her that the hopes she thought there were were actually none."

"But he was being presumptuous and hugging me."

"I couldn't have been able to hurt you. You're the fragile diamond I have to keep and I'm aware of that. I try with all my days to honor you. I won't let myself intentionally give you any reason to doubt me. Ever since you came home drunk last night, I've cursed my stupid self, Sean. Oh my God, curse me!"

Sean reacted. He cupped my face with both hands. Swiping my wet cheeks dry and ignoring her own tears that had just dripped. "Yes, my God, Franda, that's not what I meant to silence you. I'm keeping you quiet because of myself. I silenced you not because I doubted you, but I doubted myself. Maybe I won't be this sick even if I find you undressed with another man because I believe in you, you can't betray me. But that man is your ex-husband. He's a man you've loved in the past even you have children with. How can I not be shocked and desperate, Franda?"

"You loved him and he was your first love. I can't stand it at all if I have to compete with him let alone see you and Ben meet him."

Sean pulled me into his arms and the sedu was uncontrollable. I calmed him down by rubbing his back. Then suddenly I gasped as she lifted me up to her cradle and led me to the bed. I still hiccuped and smiled as she sat on the edge of the bed while I sat on her lap with legs coiled around her waist.

Sean looked at me with his blue eyes that were now bright again. Her lips curled with one hand tidying up the hair on my face while the other hand held my body possessive. I called her name hoarsely, and her smile turned flirtatious.

With the gazes meeting each other, I rubbed his chest that was slowly plastered. Then both my hands pulled off his shirt that I was wearing. "Look, Sean. Look at my passionate body. Who do you think this is because of?"

My hands rose squeezing my chest while my whole body trembled as he cupped my butt. "It's because of you, Sean." Sean's cheeks turned red and I was relieved that his anxiety started to evaporate. "Continue looking at me, Sean. Look at my passionate body. Who do you think this is for?"

"This is for you, Sean." I said with eyes that began to fog passionately watching his muscular chest pounding hard and his pair of legs twitching restlessly beneath me. He growls. "Do you know what, Sean? You made me not be able to stop thinking for a second but to think of reaching my shoulders with your hard and full body inside my body. In my brain I can only hear your voice, smell your scent, and imagine the motions of your body."

I closed my eyes and felt my body throbbing. "Just by imagining you my body is already on fire, Sean." I told him as I opened my eyes again.

In a quick motion, Sean stood up and threw me into the bed. The towel wrapped around his waist was thrown away just like that as he pulled it with one hand. My breath choked, my mouth full of water, and the part of my body between my thighs throbbed even more as I stared at his already very hard and full passion.

He lifted his leg to the bed and left his waist. "You don't know how much I want to drag you around, Franda. I've been wanting to hold you captive ever since your flaky feet stepped on my apartment. You don't know how much I'm valuing your silky body." Sean placed both hands on his thighs, moving up until it touched his manhood.

"You make me hungry all the time, Franda. And I'm so hungry right now. I will eat you, even swallow your soft bones."