Best Defense

The guest

Sometimes people cannot control reality according to their will. They receive only the whole, when good and evil come together.

Some call it destiny.

- Unknown

***

"Look, Panda, it's a firefly."

I hurriedly got off the sofa and stuck my nose on the windowpanes, a line of smiles appearing on my lips. My eyes sparkled in awe as I watched the glowing insect fly across the grass, then perched on the twigs of the sloping sycamore tree by the window.

"How can he shine like that, Dad?"

"Well, they're unique. His body parts can create light." My father smiled meaningfully at me. "An old story says a firefly is the embodiment of the soul of a loved one who is looking after his family. Just watch..."

My father put his fingertips on the window glass when the insect suddenly landed on the surface of the frame, right in front of us.

I smiled widely and looked up at my father's face expectantly. "Then, it must be my father or my mother. One of them is here for me."

My father smiled a gentle smile at me while rubbing the top of my head. "Maybe.but let me tell you one Panda-pie secret, I always see your parents in you. So, there's no need for insects with their magical glow to remind me of them."

***

It was one of the many wonderful memories I had with my father, one night when I was mentally calm. And there are many other beautiful moments like that. But I'm not gonna tell you here. Not this time.

Beautiful memories are not easy to forget, some of the memories will remain alive and stored in the heart. But sometimes memories are dangerous. Even if you have turned it over and over again, even memorizing every angle and touch, you will still find edges that can hurt you. And it hurts. One of them is what happened in my life.

"Are you asleep?" I asked Sean who was lying next to me. His eyes were closed and his regular heart rhythm felt victorious in my ears clinging to his chest, sounding like a lullaby. Lullaby heartbeat?

"Hm, I've."

My lips smiled amusedly and I looked up at "Liar."

Sean tilted his body, hugging me tighter while pulling the blanket higher covering our attached bodies. "What's bothering you, Franda?" He asked while rubbing my back.

I took a few breaths, recalling my meeting with my real mother this afternoon. "I met and talked to him at Ed's house." I snored heavily, as Sean turned his head back to look at me. He looked surprised.

"Why did you just say it?" I saw a beam of worry in Sean's eyes, but there was also a speck of relief radiating there.

Instead of answering the question, I asked back. "Am I being too mean to her, Sean? Am I a cruel child for not forgiving him?"

Sean was silent for a while before opening his mouth. He smiled at me. "You're not evil, honey. I'm sure you just need some time and someday you'll take it. I'm not saying he's wrong or right, but looking from his position back then, maybe leaving you was the wisest decision. Your kindness. But, hey, you have every right to be angry because he's been hiding too long."

I tried to digest his words while Sean was still talking. "Sometimes life isn't fair to some people, but it shouldn't be a barrier to good dreams in the future. Heal the wounds of your heart first, then you will forget the harsh reality, then maybe you can accept it. I know it's not easy but you're tough, Franda. I didn't even think you'd be this calm after meeting her."

I suddenly realized when I heard Sean's last words. My reaction was different today. I can control myself and it's magical.

"Sean, do you know what I'm thinking now?"

Sean smiled meaningfully. I know he's thinking the same thing as me. "You're better, Franda. That's all I know." he muttered as quietly as the ripples on the surface of the lake, and I smiled and nodded cheerfully approvingly.

Speaking of the lake, I remembered the forest house in Queensland. Ah, I miss that place. "Sean, can we celebrate Christmas in the forest house?" ask me with a pleading tone.

It would be the most beautiful and peaceful Christmas if we celebrated there. There was no furore, only tranquility under towering trees, accompanied by the chirping of birds whose existence I could never find.

Sean laughed softly while shaking his head. "How can I refuse if your face is like this?" he muttered while pinching the tip of my nose. "Give me three days to finish the office, and we'll leave after everything's settled."

I kissed her face in many ways as a statement of gratitude for her great kindness and determination, for every word of 'Yes' she gave me, for every sincerity she had. To this day I still do not expect God will bring me to meet a magical figure like Sean.

"I love you, husband."

"I love you, wife."

That night we slept with a calm and happy feeling. I think I've let go of the burden of guilt over my parents' death, but that doesn't mean I'm cheering joyfully in an exaggerated way. However there remains sadness in my heart every time I remember my real mother who did such a heinous deed.

I hope someday I can forgive him.

***

I opened my eyes and found my husband still alive. His hands hugged me while his feet wrapped around my feet in a blanket. Oh my goodness, how beautiful this view is.

After looking satisfied at his handsome face as an intake for my soul this morning, I slowly inched down from the bed and took the time to pick up our clothes scattered on the floor before entering the bathroom.

I soaked for fifteen minutes imagining our Christmas was going to be very special in the forest house. I know the log house might be a little weird if I brought my whole family to celebrate Christmas there, but I'm sure they'd love the atmosphere. Anyone would be calm if they were there.

I let Sean sleep longer while I saw my kids in their room. "Hey, good morning, handsome!" I said as I approached my son's bed. He was drinking water from his water bottle. His hair was tangled and his eyes were still half closed. Adorable. "Sleep again if you're still sleepy."

Ben shakes. "Where's dad, mom? This morning we're going swimming, yesterday he promised to be with me."

"really? He's still asleep. Should I wake him up?" I asked before kissing her.

"Oh, thank's, mom. But no need, I'll wait for him."

"Okay, then go brush your teeth, mommy will prepare breakfast. Cereal or bread?"

"Bread with nutella and few slice of banana may be good." Ben replied without a second thought. Bennett Alan Wirawan, The Nutella Boy!

"Okay, breakfast will be on table in five." I went downstairs to prepare Ben's breakfast after he got into the bathroom.

While passing through Lily's room, I peeked inside and saw she was still sleeping, so I let her. Daisy was there with him. Then I went to the kitchen and made breakfast for Ben, Sean, and me.

I decided not to go to the office today and instead I might go to my mother's house to tell her our planned departure to Queensland. He would be delighted to hear this news. My mother had been whining for a long time to ask us to take her there, but there was always an obstacle. But I think this time his dream will come true.

After a few minutes of struggling in the kitchen with the most standard ability in making breakfast, I finally finished preparing our bread for this morning. I've also prepared a cup of coffee for Sean, milk for Ben, and chocolate for me. Then I galloped into the room to wake Sean up.

But my steps came to a halt when I saw someone walking from the direction of the living room, and instantly my brows furrowed. "Nino?" I murmured slowly, but it still sounded in his ears.

Nino approached me with a totebag that I guessed contained food. "Hey, I'm sorry I surprised you."

I shook my head. "No, but what's going on in the morning? I don't think today is the time to pick up Ben."

"I invited him, baby." I looked to the side and found Sean talking while approaching us. "He's going to go swimming with Ben and me" she said with a smile.

My eyebrows shot up high while glancing at the two men near me in turn. "Wow," I said without any intention of concealing a surprised look at the tone of my voice. "Okay." I turned to Nino who looked still awkward. "Had breakfast? If you haven't, you can join us." I tried to be friendly, though I wasn't sure Sean would agree with my idea.

Nino glanced at Sean briefly before finally nodding her head. "May, if not disturb." he hesitated.

I glanced at Sean again, asking for his opinion and was quite surprised by his relaxed response. "Absolutely not, man. Relax for a while, I'll call Ben." snored Sean, then kissed my forehead briefly before turning around and stepping towards Ben's room.

"This.mama leave something for you guys" Nino said after Sean disappeared from our sight while handing the totebag he had brought to me.

I accepted. "Oh, no need to bother. But. thanks." I'm relaxed. "Is he okay? I'm sorry I haven't been able to visit her lately. Give her my regards." I said as we walked to the dinner table.

Nino nodded her head. "Yes, he's fine, and I'll give you your regards."

I put down the food bag Nino had brought to the kitchen counter while she sat at the dining table. He looked calm even though he was still a bit awkward. "I'm glad you're happy, Franda." suddenly snored. There was a feeling of guilt I could capture from his tone.

I was silent for a few seconds. Don't know what to say. I couldn't possibly boast and say 'Yes, thank you for dumping me'. That would sound cruel. "Yes, I hope you're happy too." Finally it was all that came out of my mouth, and I was really expecting it. "Tea or coffee?"

"Tea just." I nodded and made tea for him.

People used to say Nino and I were the most compatible couple and would never be separated, but who would have thought after all these years of marriage and desperately fighting for a child, we were separated after Ben was born.

I once read a quote in a book I read, like this...

"Every human being craves hope, happiness, and dreams all his life. But true peace is sometimes hidden right in plain sight, and often much closer than we can imagine."

Maybe the quote would be a good fit for Nino. No offense, but the situation is exactly like the content of the quote. While Nino was still with me, she wasted the peace that surrounded our lives and instead lit a fire that burned our own home. It made me finally run away leaving him.

Am I being selfish? No. gabe. I'm just trying to save myself. Why defend something that will only hurt you?

Keep whatever makes you happy~