Best Defense

Sisterhoods.

I woke up and was shocked by the bright light outside. My face turned towards the wall clock which showed the number eleven during the day. As I recall yesterday Sean laid me in bed at ten o'clock in the night, and instantly I was stunned when I managed to calculate how long I had slept for a night.

"THIRTEEN HOURS!" I screamed, almost screaming.

This was the first time I had slept that long without remembering whether I had ever woken up or not. It wasn't long before I slept for a few hours. I don't know if I fell asleep because I was tired or because Sean hugged me all night. But why isn't he here?

I wriggled slowly and got off the bed, slightly snapping as my feet came into contact with the cold floor. On my tiptoes, I galloped towards the balcony to pick up the slippers I believed were left there.

After finding my sandals, I went straight into the bathroom, filled the tub with warm water to the brim, put in one bath bomb and then soaked for fifteen minutes.

All that time my mind floated on what had happened the past few days. And I just realized that my circumstances have messed up the lives of many people, making them bother to take care of me while I acted like a queen who was obligated to serve.

My lousy state definitely made them anxious and worried. My mouth could tell that I was fine but I myself realized that reality was not like that. I was in trouble, and somehow there was something in me that was trying to deny that fact. Is it because I don't want others to think I'm weak, or because I'm ashamed of my condition? I don't know the exact answer.

I often think of getting up and fighting all my fears, all the traumas and sorrows, but often I unconsciously make myself go crazy. I should have been able to overcome all of that because the subject matter was indeed on me, and what Ed said was also true, that only I could cure myself of everything. Forgetting my past, then overcoming my trauma.

I took a deep breath, inhaled as much air as possible mixed with the mango scent emanating from the foam bath bomb, made my chest cavity full, then let out a slow breath. I repeated it a few times until I realized I closed my eyes and my head was already immersed in the bathtub.

Then suddenly I gasped as someone pulled my body, and when my eyes opened, I found Mia lifting me up. "Hey! What are you doing?" it was frustrating while still trying to pull me out of the tub.

I frowned. "What's wrong?" many wonder.

"What's wrong? You said what's up? This is not how to solve the problem, Panda." his murmur was desperate, making me frown again.

Mia kept pulling me until I stood up and pushed my body under the shower, then quickly rinsed my body. No matter who is confused, I look at him. "I can't believe you're gonna do it again. Oh my God, you're really crazy, Panda." His grunts continued to flirt with me.

I haven't answered him yet, he's been nagging again. "I'm sorry for my words at the time. And I didn't mean it. At that time I just felt bad for thinking that you all would leave me. I'm afraid because you're so mad at me, I've never seen you so angry even though I always piss you off." she said in a trembling voice.

I was still silent while Mia advanced towards the cabinet to pick up the towel and directly wrapped it around my body. Then she pushed me out of the bathroom and kept talking.

"I don't know what you're feeling right now, but trust me we'll always support you. Don't do anything stupid to hurt yourself because we'll be in pain too." He sat me on the edge of the bed. "Wait here" he said firmly, raising a threatening look at me, followed by a hand gesture pointing at me.

I watched his every move towards the locker room, and my heart suddenly felt amused at the thought of what he had just done. He bathed me with a nag as if I were his son who had just splashed into a mud pit. And it made me feel guilty for slapping him that day. I should have known that Mia was also suffering with her condition, she was also being tormented because she had just lost a baby in her womb. No matter who her father was, Mia must still love her son.

Mia came back to me with a few pieces of clothes in her hand. I looked at him pursing my lips as if I was sulking with my feet swaying slowly on the edge of the bed. When he stopped right in front of me, his hand swayed to throw clothes next to me and then stood on my waist.

He looked down with his eyes closed, breathing out a few times. Then back to looking at me. There was a sad and guilty look I could catch on his face. "Listen," he sighed seriously. "You're not alone, Panda. There are those of us who will always be with you. Do not be afraid that we will be overwhelmed by your circumstances, or leave you, for that will never happen. Me, Mom, and Ed, we love you all the time. You're still the best brother on earth. I'm sorry that I upset you sometimes, but trust me. I love you."

In that instant I immediately stood cupping her face and kissed her lips many times. Mia jumped in shock with my attack on her face and tried to push me away, but I pulled her shoulder and hugged her tightly.

I pulled my body from his body, then smiled broadly at him. My eyes observed the change in her face. He still looked puzzled, yet there was a speck of relief coming out from the look in his eyes.

"I love you more, Mia." I said softly, with my eyes looking into her eyes. "I apologize for slapping you that day. Everything you said was true, and I also apologize for taking your place. I really didn't know I was suffering because of me,"

"No." he said, cutting off my words. "You didn't take anything, I was too petty for judging you so. We know the fact that Father and Mother are fair in their treatment of us, they always put the needier first, and that's when you should be first."

"Mia.." I cried tears.

"Listen to me first" he said in a hurry. "What's been going on lately messed me up, I didn't think my life would be ruined and without me realizing it, just like you said I blamed you for feeling better."

Mia looked at me with tears welling up while her lips trembled holding back tears.

"I'm sorry, Panda." Now the tears escaped and soaked his cheeks, and more and more flowed until it fell onto his shirt.

Mia hung down, sobbing until her shoulders shook. Watching it as sad as that makes me cry too. I immediately pulled her body again and gently rubbed her back, declaring everything would be fine as well as conveying a deep affection.

I no longer know how to show my gratitude for the presence of all those who participated in my complicated life. They love me sincerely even though I always let them down with my attitude, never leaving me even if I was just a step away. No matter what my condition is, they always accept me without ever complaining.

The support they have given me all this time I can't repay you with anything. Right now my determination is only one, fighting to rearrange all the chaos caused by me and put everything where it should be. I can't be hard-headed constantly maintaining my stupidity while they also constantly strive for me to be better. Yeah, I have to fix what's wrong with me before it's too late.

I took off my arms from Mia and immediately laughed, feeling funny looking at my sister's pouting face. Really, I really miss this kind of atmosphere considering that recently our relationship deteriorated as some problems hit in a blind way.

"Mia, you know what? I'm happy to have a sister like you. You are one of the greatest gifts of my life, though sometimes your attitude is sickening. But I have no problem with that, as long as you are beside me, I will gladly accept you." I said solemnly expressing my heart about him.

He snorted cynically, but I was not offended that I myself was used to his sincerity. "Please promise me that you won't hurt yourself anymore" he murmured as he squeezed my arm, declaring the plea in the squeeze.

Right now I want to directly answer 'yes' but there are things I need to know from him. And instead, I said. "On one condition."

Mia's forehead is wrinkled. "What?"

I held her shoulder, squeezed slightly, implying seriousness in what was going to come out of my mouth, that I really wanted her to answer me honestly. My eyes looked deeply into her eyes, making Mia's sudden look on her face turn alarmed.

"Tell me, who impregnated you?"

Mia jumped in shock, shocked by my sudden question. His mouth opened, but a few seconds later he gasped. Gutting, then gulping while closing your eyes. I could feel him trembling as he glanced at his limp drooping hand.

"Mia?" call me with a little pressure in my voice.