Best Defense

The Past

Hustle, endless nights, and heavy traffic. These are the three things I don't like most about Jakarta. People are still seen clustered in every corner of the city, telling stories about all kinds of events for a day until they do not remember the time. The streets are never completely empty, as if they do not allow anyone to be in a state of calm and quiet. This city has been so since the first time I opened my eyes and looked at the world, although of course it was not as bad as it is now.

Sean and I just finished a honey pancake with a sprinkling of raspberries we ordered from one of the restaurants as our breakfast and lunch menu. And now we're relaxing in the living room, spending the weekend lazing around before Ben gets back from Nino's house. I lay with my head on his thigh and played with my phone while he sat on the couch watching a television show that told the life of American businessman Jeff Bezos.

"You must be thinking of a way to tease me tonight" Sean recalls.

I looked up at him and laughed in response to his words, then looked back at the phone screen. Not long ago we came back from the hotel, and he teased me again.

"What are you planning for tonight?" ask again.

"Nothing." I muttered indifferently without taking my eyes off my phone. I'm busy choosing the photo that will be posted on the WE Fashion's Style website tomorrow morning. I didn't expect them to work that fast, didn't even invite me to take part in the photo shoot.

"Darling." call Sean.

Her voice that sounded heavy and serious made me stop my activities, then turn to her. "Hm."

Sean quiet. His eyes narrowed as if he was thinking of getting his head out. Shortly thereafter he cleared his throat. "May I ask you something?"

I knit an eyebrow in astonishment at his sudden remark. Feeling that he was about to ask something serious, I got up and sat down facing him. My eyes look into his eyes. "What?" my many.

Sean seemed to be breathing. The restless look on his face made me even more curious about what was troubling his mind. It was not usual for Sean to hesitate like this. He is not the kind of guy who finds it hard to express things. I waited for him for a while until he made a sound. "Don't be offended by my question, okay?" warned me. My forehead wrinkled, but immediately nodded.

"What makes you forgive your ex-husband so many times?" I rounded my eyes and smiled amusedly because I thought he would ask me something else. My mouth was just about to answer, but soon I held back because Sean was talking again. "Listen.I don't mean to say you're stupid. I just don't understand your way of mind. He betrayed you many times, but you always forgive him."

I was silent for a moment. My hand grabbed her hand and carried her into my lap. My lips curled up indicating that I didn't mind the question. After all, I had already forgotten the pain of my divorce just yet. "Love." I said start. My eyes looked deeply into her blue eyes. Demanding that he see the honesty I'm about to tell you.

While holding my stomach that felt wrapped around from laughing, I looked at Sean who was also laughing amusedly. I shrieked softly because he had just touched my forehead. "Thank God I saved you that day." he muttered in between his laughter.

I put my face forward and kissed her lips. "Thank you, Warner." I said solemnly. Sean nodded.

"OKAY. Now, continue with what you say."

I cleared my throat once, trying to get serious again. "Nino was my first love. He was the first man in my personal life. I always felt she was the best until I married her and spent years with her. There's no easy wedding, Sean. There will always be problems that come and shake, but we always make it through."

I paused for a moment. Throwing a glance towards the building around our residence while recalling the times when I was still married to Nino. My heart was filled with the thought of how happy I used to be to the point of not realizing something was threatening my home life. I was so lulled by the sweetness that Nino always showed in front of me that it caught me off guard.

My mind was still drifting away while my face started to feel hot holding back tears. I smiled bitterly, my lips and my whole body trembled. I just realized that I haven't completely forgotten my heartache. The wounds that once again are painful. My eyes closed and I gulped bitterly, as bitter as the reality that shook my life in the past.

I gasped when Sean suddenly pulled me into his arms and tried to calm me down by gently rubbing my back. I cried in his chest and expressed all the feelings I had been holding on to. My life was a lot happier when I married Sean, but it can't cover up the fact that I've been hurt before. Healing the pain in the heart was not as easy as when I was struggling to restore my body condition due to an accident a few months ago. This is many times much more difficult.

Still in his arms, I continued. "We're a great team when it comes to solving problems, at least that's what I see from my point of view. Everything looks so perfect. Until I found out Nino was lying for the first time after seven years we were married by covering up her fertility test results from me for five years. And a few days after that, I also found out he betrayed me."

"The piercing hits came against me without warning. Everything was so fast and sudden that I didn't know what to do. I have no preparation to deal with such a situation. After all, who would prepare to accept betrayal. Nobody's gonna do it."

"Until I choose to forgive and take it back even though I know that things will never be the same again, but there is no harm in trying. I want to give us a chance to fix what's been broken, put something back where it should be, rearrange the marriage we've had for years."

"In my observation, we succeeded. My heart cheered with joy for being proud of our efforts to improve ourselves. Our happiness grew even more perfect when I finally got pregnant after seven years of marriage. Just imagine, seven years I waited for those moments to happen in my life. But it didn't last long. I found out he was still in touch with that woman. Believe me, I wanted to run away and leave her that day. But I forgive her again for feeling my son needs her."

"And there's your biggest mistake." I looked up, as soon as my face looked up at Sean.