REMORSEFULLY

Nervous

Hana"s Pov

Getting married is not just a pursuit of happiness but facing the test together to feel light. If it's only about happiness when I live alone I'm very happy. There are times when we are at our lowest and have to give up, but it is not the time. As long as I can, I will survive and fight for our marriage.

At first, there was no intention of building a home. After the death of my husband and son, I felt like this was an unlucky woman. Moreover, hearing the scorn of my in-laws and brothers-in-law if I am the unlucky bearer due to the death of his son and grandson. My in-laws still believe such things.Why am I to blame, am I not here the most saddened at the loss of my son and husband. But I just kept quiet, I knew they were losing. I tried hard and didn't care what they said. They will stop by themselves.I busy myself with my work which happens to be a teacher.

My days go by with my busy life. Even in the afternoon I teach private to children who do not know how to read for free.

I live alone with my mother. My father died while I was still in the womb. I actually have a brother but he lives in another town that is quite far away. Only Erwin always came to see us. He was very kind and considered me his real sister. The financial problem of salary as a PNS is quite enough to finance my life with my mother.

It just so happened that I became an envoy at my school to attend training in the city where Erwin lived for three days. That coincided also the day after Erwin's training held his Toserbanya thanksgiving. I'm finally waiting for my cousin's show.

I met up with Erwin's friends. I think they're all married. I ended up serving them like guests. We got to know each other. They are kind and easy to get along with. I did not welcome Mas Rasya's hand because I did not shake hands with the opposite sex since I decided to hijab.

The next day Mas Rasya came back to Kak Erwin's house. I only let her in because I already knew that she was a widower, because Kak Tiara said so earlier.

After meeting with Kak Erwin and returning home, Kak Tiara borrowed my phone he said his phone did not know where he put it and I continued the work behind.

I don't know why Tiara borrowed my phone twice.

A few days after my return to the village. There is a new number that sends messages via WhatsApp but I do not reply to it just read it. My guess must be a prankster. Shortly after, he called. Out of curiosity I finally picked it up. And I was more confused when he said that I sent a message first to save my number. When he sent us a screen shot of our conversation my eyes were perfectly rounded. My thoughts went straight to Kak Tiara because only she had ever borrowed my number. I immediately contacted him to explain to Mas Rasya. I don't want to be considered a lazy woman. Especially my status as a widow.

Since then we often communicate only to ask for news or work.

One day he came home with his son. It really surprised me why he knew my house when as I remember I never gave you a home address. Just the name of the school I taught at I once said.

The most surprising thing was that day Brother Erwin came. Erwin sometimes comes on holidays. But this is only a week's lapse he's coming again.

My heart seemed to jump out when Mas Rasya expressed his desire to ta'aruf with me. This is really sudden. Just know him over the phone.

Especially Brother Erwin and Mother seemed to agree.

The days keep changing we know each other. Everything he told me there was nothing he was hiding.So was mine. What surprised me the most was that Fani was his ex-wife and they separated because Mas Rasya was caught cheating. It's rare to see an ex-husband and wife look familiar.

I was going to turn him down as my husband because I thought he would repeat the same thing if we got married later and he convinced me that he had repented and that was the greatest folly he had ever done.

Every human has a problem. There is no harm in me accepting him as my companion. Moreover, my mother very much wished that I accepted Mas Rasya.

I finally accepted his proposal. When asked about love, honestly in my heart there is no sense of it for him. Love will grow as we are together. There are still many couples out there who don't even know each other and look harmonious.

The wedding day was solemn and simple.It was my wish let alone this is a second marriage for me. Although simple but still many families who come and even stay overnight. Yes, that's our habit in the village seven days before the event must have been crowded just come to chat or whatever.What makes me amazed by the figure of Fani is that he took the time to come on the occasion of the marriage contract ex her husband's.

After the wedding is over there are still many families staying. Even Brother Erwin and his wife left his daughter to me. He said he had a need, in fact he went home in the morning.

The day passed so quickly. The next day they all went home. I was on leave for a week.

The night is the night most awaited by the newlyweds. Ready not to be ready I have to serve my husband. Even without love. I don't know with Mas Rasya whether he loves me or not.

We were in one room. There was only silence between the two of us.

I sat on the edge of the bed still with the head covering I was wearing. Honestly, I'm very nervous.

"Sleep" said Mas Rasya breaking the silence.

I lay my body still wearing a head covering.

"Aren't you sick of wearing a hijab?" Say again.

I opened the veil without answering her question. Although actually I wear a hijab will not be sultry because even though I live in the village in my room I install AC.

He's my husband's been clean he saw what was on me.

Mas Rasya lay beside me. And he turned my body towards her. Our Netra clashed and I could not deny after seeing him from close range, he was very handsome and his smile was very alluring.

"You don't regret marrying me?" Ask.

"What I've decided won't make me regret." I lowered.

My heart feels like it's beating ungodly. Because our distance is only a few cent. Even his breath seemed to be on my face.

We were long silent in each other's minds.

He kissed my lips at a glance.Then repeated it back that long enough.

There was a great rustle in this body as the kiss became more and more demanding. The body wants to ask for more. But after we were about to do the unification suddenly he was lackluster to continue. Mas Rasya could not maintain an erection strong enough to have intercourse.

Mas Rasya was so frustrated. I was also astonished. If it was my first experience of having sex, maybe my mind would have said something else. But I've done it before never like this.

Mas Rasya immediately picked up his clothes and put them back on. Then he sat on the lip of the bed.

He rattled his hair in frustration.

"Sorry." Sluggishly.