REMORSEFULLY

Rafa's Heart

"There's Mr. Ray's guest." Bi Rahmi.

"Who?" My toot.

"Sir Rasya." Bi Rahmi.

"Find your papa, Rafa." I said to him

"Mama and Papa Ray, I'm here with the sisters." Reject Rafa.

"Find your Papa, son! You haven't seen him in two weeks, he's sure to miss you." My advice to him.

Because Rafa did not get out of his seat, my husband and I finally met Mas Rasya.

"It's been a while, Mom?" I asked stale bases.

"No, just new." Said smiling

"Where's rafa?" Mas Rasya asked his son.

"There's in the back garden, if you want to meet you just come in." Mas Rasya looked doubtful, I also felt astonished why my husband gave Mas Rasya permission to enter the usually Mas Rasya only in the living room.

Mas Rasya then glanced at me and I nodded my head at the sign I let him in. I then drove him to the back garden to see Rafa. I call my four children because I want to make room for the father and son to speak from heart to heart. I know Rafa is disappointed with her father for knowing the real reason we split up. After I called my children Mas Rasya immediately sat beside his son.

"What would you like to drink?" I asked Mas Rasya.

"What a hell, Fan." Answer smiled.

Ten years into our separation, Mas Rasya hasn't changed much. Only his body was a bit fat and now he was already wearing glasses. It was not difficult for him to get a companion but why until now he had not married again. I don't know what was on the man's mind.I went in with my children to join my husband.

"How come you're not made to drink anyway, honey? Said my husband.

"There's Bi Rahmi." My speech.

"Bi Rahmi's out for a while" my husband said.

I made some coffee for Mas Rasya and brought it myself.

"In a drink, Mas." Lick him.

"Thank you, Fan." He glanced at me.

When I rushed back in Rafa stopped me and asked me to stay there with him.

The three of us were silent, no one started our conversation. I turned to the door connecting the garden and the living room, saw my husband smiling and nodding his head as if to say that I am still here with my son and ex-husband.

There is a feeling of awkwardness in my heart. Since we divorced just this time we sat three me, Mas Rasya and Rafa.

Still in silence, we were busy with our thoughts.

"I've dreamed of moments like this for a long time." Rafa slyly broke our silence. Rafa is mature. Maybe because he's the oldest kid and four sisters make him like that.

There was sadness and pain running through my heart hearing my son's statement. I guess all this time my son did not feel lonely because everyday he was carefree and happy with Papa Ray and his sisters, it turns out he also had desires and hopes in his heart.

Mas Rasya just fell silent saying nothing. Her net was staring straight at the flowers that were in front of her.

"Rafa has forgotten when we last got together like this, there's Papa, Mama and I." Say it again in a hoarse voice as if wanting to cry.

"I'm sorry, Papa, son." Mas Rasya said.

"I don't feel like a victim, Pa, because I have Mama like a wingless angel to me, Papa Ray who always gives me affection, I'm just disappointed why I have to have Papa's birth who could betray the wingless angel." His words are getting sobbing.

I couldn't help but feel bad in my heart hearing my son's words. I should not be proud of that. I am just a mother who has a lot of shortcomings in educating my children.

"That's my biggest mistake, son, to waste you, to betray your good Mama." Mas Rasya lirih said.

I took my son's hand and held it.

"Listen to Mama, Son. This is God's way. But one thing you need to know we love you so much, nothing changes even if Mama and Papa you are not together, our love will still be the same long ago, now and forever." My words convinced my son.

"Even if Mama doesn't say that Rafa can feel it Ma." Rafa said again.

"I'm sorry, my son? you must be disappointed with Papa." Mas Rasya.

"I'm sorry Papa because Mama and Papa Ray always taught me to forgive, but that Papa's disappointment is certain." Rafa said again as if the sentences he said were calm but sometimes pierced as sharp as razor for Mas Rasya.

"Hmmm.I was angry with Mama because I thought it was Mama who left Papa because of Papa Ray, but after knowing the truth, after knowing the truth, it was, that makes Rafa ashamed of himself why I have such petty thoughts." Obviously Rafa again.

Mas Rasya and I seemed to be loyal listeners who listened to my son's complaints. I let Rafa spill all his heart out on us as his biological parents.

"From childhood I idolize Papa, want to like Papa if Rafa is big, want to work hard like Papa, dear to grandma. At first when I saw a picture of my mother in my wallet I thought Papa was loyal to only one woman, Mama. And after knowing the fact that Papa is no more a traitor. I'm ashamed of Papa Ray for accusing him of causing Mama to separate from Papa." Obviously Rafa.

Mas Rasya was embarrassed when Rafa said that his papa still keeps my picture in his wallet.

"My father is wrong, son, Papa is very sorry, if time can be turned back I want to be Papa you can be proud of, but I promise you won't disappoint you again, son." Mas Rasya said.

"Every human being is not perfect, son, so are your Mama and Papa, do not make one mistake Papa makes you disappointed. Papa you are a good person, hardworking you should be proud of. You imitate the good and don't emulate what you think is not good."My advice to him.

Mas Rasya looked at me with teary eyes

"Thank you, Fan." Sincerely speaking.

I can only nod back at him.

"When do we like this again, Pa, Ma?" Rafa told us.

"Yes, Son...I'm sorry because Mama never asked what you wanted, Mama's busy with Mama's life now without caring about your wishes."

One hour we were together with a sense of haru, a feeling that drained our emotions did not expect that Rayhan was behind us.I immediately remove the clear circles that dripped on the cheeks

"One more Raf, you tell Papa you're looking for a companion so he's not lonely."Rayhan said hitting Rafa's shoulder.

"Yes, I'd better get married again, so someone takes care of me." Added.

"No one is suitable yet" Mas Rasya said.

"Do you want a twin with Rafa?" My husband's words dilute the atmosphere.

"Neh ah ...Papa Ray, I'm still in school, not old enough yet, Papa said "Rafa said.

"The green light is from Rafa." My husband said to Mas Rasya.

Mas Rasya just smiled turning his gaze in the other direction.

In the sea can be guessed but in the heart of someone who knows. That's how Rafa is, even though he looks carefree and there is no problem it turns out that he has the desire of me and his papa sitting together only three to hear his complaints. I just realized that all this time I was just focusing on my life now. Without caring about Rafa's wishes. Why don't I ever think that we're on vacation not taking Mas Rasya and his family. Because let's how they are Rafa's close family.