REMORSEFULLY

Let Me Reach Happiness

"Thank you so much, for loving me so deeply, maybe now I don't really love Brother yet, but I promise I will try to open this heart just for you, Brother." I said.

Rayhan nodded and smiled at me.

"The next day I'll be back, you're okay, am I staying?"

"Yes, brother," I answered briefly.

"Remember, you take care of your heart and your eyes!" said reminded.

" God, I should have said that to Brother, no one wants to be like a widow like me! Brother," I said humbled.

"Husshhhh, don't say that, the proof is that I'm more interested in widows than girls" he said, chuckling.

Then he whispered.

"The widow is more experiential and challenging" he whispered with a stupor.

I reflexively hit his arm while nagging.

"Basic bawdy!" my spoken.

It was late afternoon so we decided to go back home.

...******...

It didn't feel like the day was so fast, my marriage to Rayhan was only two weeks away. Rayhan's family is asking not to procrastinate in the matter of kindness.

Because it's a second marriage for me, it's a simple one but Rayhan's family disagrees, they want a fancy wedding for their only son. The party will be held at Rayhan's residence, but the marriage contract will still be held at my parents' house. All the wedding preparations were taken care of by Rayhan's family.

It was dusk, after cleaning myself I accompanied Rafa who was playing in his room. Bi Rahmi then came and said that Mas Rasha came. I took Rafa down

to meet his father.

I saw Mas Rasya sitting in the living room while playing his gawai. After seeing us she walked straight towards Rafa and hugged and carried him.

I went back to the kitchen to make a cup of tea and bring it. He was holding Rafa while showing his gawai. I don't know what Rafa saw on Mas Rasya's device.

"Please drink it, Mas" I told him.

"Thank you" he said while displaying his trademark smile.

He then sipped the tea I made.

After Rafa moved back to playing in front of the television, leaving only me and Mas Rasya in the living room.

"I'm here to take you out to dinner" he said.

"I'm sorry, I can't, Mom" I refused.

"We brought Rafa too" he said again.

"Can't, Mom,'

"Come on, Fan, we haven't been out three in a long time" he pleaded.

"Take Rafa alone, I still can't, Mas," I said still refused.

"This time, Fan," he said.

" I'm sorry, I still can't, Mom."

"Why?? We're going to go through three."

"What would my future husband say if I went out with a man especially if he knew that he was my ex-husband" I said giving the real reason for refusing his invitation.

"Hahhhh!!! You mean-you, Fan?" ask Mas Rasya in shock.

"Yes, Mas, in two weeks I'm getting married.' I told him.

I saw Mas Rasya's face instantly turn moody, clearly disappointed in the look on his face.

It seems like Mas Rasya doesn't really believe what I'm saying.

"You're serious, Fan?" ask again.

"Yes, Mom, why would I lie."

Mas Rasya rubbed his face as if he did not accept what I said.

"Rafa as always, Mas can come whenever you want to see him" I replied.

"But it would be nice for Rafa to be with his own biological parents under one roof" he said, making Rafa an excuse.

"I mean, Mas?" I pretended not to understand.

"Please think back to Fan, we refer to yes, please ..." he asked again.

"I know I've hurt you, but isn't there even a little bit of your love left for me?"

Love is still there Mas, I do not deny it even though it has been eroded by the pain of your unfaithfulness, I said in my heart.

"I'm sorry, Mom, let me get my happiness" I said.

I tried to be as calm as possible, but in my heart there was a sad feeling to say all that in front of Mas Rasya. After all, he filled my days with happiness.

Mas Rasya just bowed while hooking his hands together.

" I'm sorry Fan, I didn't know I was asking you back, but I hurt you."

" I'm a piece of trash that doesn't deserve to be taken back."

"I'm sorry for my own stupidity, I had to lose you, 'Fan."

"I'm sorry, Mas, ' said I felt guilty about the words that once went viral in social media when I met Lestari.

"You're not wrong, Fan, I'm stupid, ' he said.

"I say goodbye to Fan, may you be happy with your choice" he said as he stepped towards the door.

Before he actually came out the door, he looked at me, I saw his eyes glazed over at me.

Didn't feel the tears that I could bear finally freefall from the eye pelupuk.

I saw Mas Rasya also wiped the tears that had dripped in the corner of his eyes.

'I picked Rafa up, '" he said in a hoarse voice.

I just nodded without being able to say anything.

"Assalamu Alaikum"

"Waalaikum Salam" I replied with a hiccup.

After closing the door, I rushed into the room. I sat on the bed.

O Allah may this be the best decision for me, I believe Rayhan will be the best priest for me.

Mas Rasya is just the past and Rayhan is my future.

I've closed the book for Mas Rasya and I'll open a new chapter with Rayhan.

...******...

Rasya's POV

His intention was to invite Fani out to reminisce about our good times when we were husband and wife. But that desire was shattered into pieces when she refused and said she would marry in two weeks.

Destroyed was my hope to reconcile with him back. My heart aches, it hurts me to accept the fact that the woman I love, the mother of my son, will be with another man.

I screamed in the car feeling sorry, how could I be tempted by another woman out there.

"Stupid you Rasya!!" I swear to myself.

It's not just Fani that I think about but also my son, Rafa. Not necessarily his stepfather will treat my son well.

I wish Fani good luck with her choice of heart, but in my heart it is like being slashed when I say it. The feeling of tightness, pain, crumbling melted into one.

I can't see it with another man.

I was reminded of the Boss' offer a few days ago. He offered me a position as a branch leader of a company that was open out of town. I turned it down at that time because I didn't want to leave Fani and Rafa. I'm optimistic that Fani will want me to refer back. I knew that Fani would be devastated, because of her kind nature and quick pity on people, I would exploit her weakness by continuing to pursue and persuade her to accept me back.

But now that hope is gone, I will consider my Boss' offer, I can't afford to see Fani with another man. I will go away for a while to forget the heartache I made myself for my stupidity.

...*******...