REMORSEFULLY

The Rayhan Feelings

Dusk walks leisurely leaving the afternoon, gulls packing clearly towards his contest.

The Adhan echoes calling every Muslim who is swept away in worldly activities to pause and immediately welcome His call in prayer.

I hurried to carry out my three rakaat obligations. I close my prayer with prayer, may always be given health and also patience that never brimmed.

I folded the prayer equipment I had used, then got ready to accompany Rayhan to dinner.

I open the wardrobe, I take a pink tunic combined with white pants and pashmina in line with the tunic.

Don't forget I put a little powder and pink lipstick on my lips. I saw my face in the mirror.

"Still beautiful," my mind praised itself with a smile of its own.

Said friends anyway, my appearance looks still like a girl, even though he was married and has dropped the machine once😀.

Before long the bell rang, it must have been Rayhan coming. I immediately went out of the room and met him.

I opened the door and saw the figure I was waiting for standing in front of the door.

Tonight Rayhan wears a short-sleeved maroon shirt paired with black jeans.

"Cool" my inner.

"Let's walk" he asked.

"Not come in yet, brother?' my spoken.

"No need," he replied.

I went to say goodbye to Bi Rahmi and then followed Rayhan to the car. He opened the car door.

"Tumben, ' I asked with a smile.

'Please let us go on a date, ' he replied.

" Kayak ABG only, remember the age," I said with a laugh.

" Iyya too, if my age is good immediately the application time well," he added.

"Don't want a proposal?, thank God the status of BTL finally changed," I said continuously laughing.

We continued our conversation in the car. We sometimes mocked each other, laughing together.

Because Sunday night was a bit of traffic so we traveled a bit. After a 20-minute drive we reached one of the biggest restaurants in my city. We chose to sit in a place directly facing the park. The sparkle of the lights in the park makes a very sad night atmosphere. Many couples spend the night with their partners, whether it's dinner or just sitting in the park.

Shortly thereafter waiter came to bring a menu list. We ordered the same food.

Because I saw Rayhan who used to talk a lot, but I saw that he was quiet, so I started our conversation.

" Sister how long is it here?" .

"It depends on you" he answered.

"Kok me again sis?"

Waiters came to bring us our order so my question was he hung.

We thanked him after the waiter served food in front of us.

We ate in silence, no one started the conversation.

Honestly I feel something is different, why Rayhan doesn't talk much. I was thinking maybe he had something or something. Only he and God know.

After enjoying dinner, Rayhan invited me to the park, we sat on a bench in the park.

Actually, I was a bit uncomfortable, because we were not supposed to be in that place. Like a couple or a couple.

" i....

"Sister...

We want to say something together.

We looked at each other and laughed together.

"Not first," I asked

" Ladies first" he answered.

"Just ask why you are quieter, not as usual," I asked.

"May I be honest,? he said looking at me.

I just nodded.

" I want to say that wherever I am I'm always thinking about you, and the time we spent together was the happiest time for me."

"Fan, I love you from the past, now and forever,"

My eyes widened perfectly upon hearing his confession. It was so beyond my expectations.

"Maybe it's too soon for you but for me it's been too long, all this time I could only love you in silence, holding you in my every prayer."

I continued to listen to her every word that without being able to say anything, could only fall silent.

"For years I have harbored this feeling, even I have buried it deeply, for having you is impossible for me but it may be the way of the Lord that we are found."

"Originally you know Fan, only your name is in my heart, and will be irreplaceable by no one."

" I've tried to open my heart to other women, but your name is already enthroned here,"

My eyes glazed over as she held my hand and placed it on her chest.It moved me with every sentence that came out of her lips.

My netra was looking deep into his eyes to see if there was a lie in there, but I got a sincerity there.

"But Brother, I don't deserve Brother?" I said while looking down.

"Is it because of your status?" tanyakanya.

I just nodded.

"For me, you remain my old Fani, my first and last love.

That is if you accept me."

"But Brother,"

" You don't have to answer now" he said again.

Then Rayhan took out a red box from his pocket and thrust it at me. Without opening it, it was seen a ring with a very beautiful diamond.

I just stared at the box without welcoming it.

" It's a gift to you, but don't make it a burden or a compulsion for you to accept me."

"Take it" he said, continuing to thrust the box and placing it in my hand.

" Tomorrow I will return to Kalimantan, I hope you think about my request, even if later you reject me, at least my heart is relieved because I have expressed my feelings that I have been silent for many years.

"But Brother, I can't accept this" I said, handing the box back.

" The things I have intended to give you, I will not take it again, if you do not please give it to others or you throw it away" he said, putting it back in my hand.

He looks disappointed in his eyes.

Strange .. the time of goods as expensive as this want to be thrown away. I thought.

The night was getting late so Rayhan drove me home. A feeling of awkwardness arose between us. No conversation during the trip. We were dissolved in our thoughts.

I was confused as to what to answer. Whether I accept it or not. On the one hand I'm comfortable being with him, happy when he calls me even if it's just over the phone. The days I spent with him, honestly made me happy.

But on the other hand sometimes those fears come up, with failures like my first marriage.

Is Rayhan's words to be trusted. Not just because there is a desire.

Because in the past Mas Rasya also promised a beautiful - beautiful, will be faithful until we age. To him even the thousands of beautiful women who came to tease him he would not turn away . But the truth is Lestari-class women alone she can turn away.

The car kept on going, breaking the silence of the cold night. The journey feels long because only the roar of the engine and sometimes the sound of horn that is heard squealing in the ear. Until we got to the house. I rushed to open the car door, but it was still locked.

"Fan, I wait for an answer whenever you're ready" he said.

I just looked at it for a minute.

I reopen the car door and get off.

"Be careful on the road" I said with a smile.

He just nodded and then

drove the car out of my sight until it was invisible.