LOVE SLAVE

#105

Six months passed. . .

Since the departure of Ammar, since the breakup of the engagement that I have been holding, but all ended in vain after all I did and gave. I don't know what I've been feeling for the last six months, my mind's always been empty. So did my heart. . . I was really down, even just to take a shower and eat I didn't think about it.

I deliberately distanced myself from the phone, reluctant to touch and open it, I was afraid to remember everything that had happened. I took a leave of absence from my college. And my profession as a teacher. . . I no longer live. I prefer to lock myself in the house, precisely again in the room. Only occasionally did I relax in the backyard, even because my mother forced me.

All the memories I've been through in every corner of this house make me crazy every second, I want to go far. As far as possible, none of my memories with Ammar disturbed me anymore. . .

You know, even I once intended to swallow a bottle of sleeping pills that I deliberately bought at the pharmacy was just to help me so that I could slowly end my life. . . But mother always managed to find me and prevent it, whether it was how many times mother slapped me to wake me up to no longer fall like this, but I was devastated. Sometimes I sobbed in my tears alone, I was alone, sometimes I can still smile when I think back to the good times with Ammar.

How many times Dini, my only friend who is now a conglomerate wife, came to visit me to comfort me and encourage me to immediately get out of this bitter circle, encouraging me to rise immediately. Although I felt guilty for her, on her wedding day I did not attend, but she remained faithful to accompany me. He said there are still many out there who are willing to be my girlfriend.

Hah. . This is ridiculous, even hearing the word courtship alone makes me sick. His efforts were in vain. . .

So did Tristan, how many times my mother asked me out to meet Tristan who had been many times from morning to evening begging my mother for me to see him, but I refused hard.

Honestly, I'm ashamed. I no longer have the confidence to appear arrogant that I used to behave in front of him. . .

And this afternoon, I was filled with all the memories of my past with Ammar. Unknowingly the tears flowing down my cheeks, I sobbed the sedan in my solitude in the room.

Tok tok. . .

I heard knocking on the door from outside my room, hah. . This is how many times. I don't know what else I'm gonna throw at me this time. . .

With a lazy step I moved from my position earlier, and opened the door later.

" Early??? " I was surprised for a moment to see him coming again, this is the second time. Though this morning until noon she had accompanied and comforted me. then took a break to go home because her current status was already as a wife. I can't help it to stay all day with me, can I? but this afternoon.. .he came back, for what???

" Fan. .. l. . "his speech came to a halt when I saw a man appear behind his back.

How surprised I was, when all I saw was Tristan.

I took a step back. . .

" Fan Fan. . . for a moment, pliss don't avoid me like this " Tristan said as soon as he welcomed my hand.

I brushed it off in a rude manner, even though I didn't mean to.

" Ehm, Fan. . I'm sorry, but when do you want to continue like this huh??? See yourself now??? " say Dini then in a loud tone.

" Din, let me have a conversation with Fanny. You can go home first, thanks a lot have helped me this afternoon yes " Said Tristan then in Dini. Who responded to the nod by her, a sign of understanding.

" Din. . " said I firmly pull the arm Early.

Now that it's just me and Tristan here, I'm getting awkward and scared. To not be able to just say hello after months I did not see him.

" Fan, we go for a walk. We hang out in the usual place and eat as much, or we go to the gramedia and you're free to read all your favorite books" Tristan said gently with gusto.

" Tristan, to the point if you have anything to tell me "I replied.

Tristan paused for a moment and looked at me with a stare. . .

do I look so compassionate that she looks at me so sad???

" Fan, this isn't you I know. You are a strong woman and always cheerful, even as sick as any problem you face. As long as we're friends, there's a lot I've learned from you, Fanny. But what is this??? is it just because you broke up with your fiancee your world will end huh??? do you think after that no other man wants love from you??? No Fanny. . . You're still a woman. . However, you'll still be a man's choice. Don't punish yourself once Fanny. . . .you. . . You let me down. . . "he said in a soft voice later.

it makes me. . .makes me want to cry again.

Hah. . I have been destroyed, I am no longer holy, I am despicable, I. . depraved, I do not deserve to be loved again and elected by any man later, he said, even the dream I always looked forward to when I was with Ammar was gone. Dream of wanting to be a good wife and a good mother, happy forever. . enjoy the harmonious ark of the household. But now??? who??? who would be able to accept me like this is broken, huh???

I kept my head down in front of Tristan without daring to look at him while the tears kept pouring down.

" Fanny. . Look at me, I will always be here with you " said Tristan again, slowly touching my cheek and wiping away these tears.

Oh my God, he remains so gentle and kind to me. Tristan. . . You are good. But. . .

I shook my head, and slowly I looked at her face. . .

His eyes glazed over, and he. . . he still remained handsome as ever, whereas I. . now. . ah, somehow my current appearance and face. I haven't decorated her with makeup in a long time.

" Tristan, aren't you ashamed of staying friends and walking with a trashy woman like me??? " ask me then.

" Sssst. . Don't ever think I'll leave you even when you're down this way, but. . . If you really think I exist, come on. . . don't do this again. You're not just punishing yourself, but you're punishing myself more, Fanny. .. Do you realize for months that you've suddenly disappeared and kept avoiding me "

For a moment, I wanted to laugh at him seeing his attitude. But, as if everything was going pseudo. It was hard for me to move my lips to smile, while my tears were flowing.

" Tristan . . I. . . "

" Don't go on anymore, I've heard everything from Dini "Her answer wiped my words.

Degh !!!

Dini. . . what did he tell Tristan??? did Dini also tell me about my intimate matters with Ammar???

Oh no, this will make me even more undervalued by other men.