Trapped in the Love of the Past

Trapped in the Love of the Past

Yeah, I hit Azzam's body.

Apparently my consciousness when I woke up was not perfect. Until I didn't realize there was a man's voice coming from the bathroom.

The man accompanied Nisa inside.

"Ups.sorry."

I moved away from her body.

Azzam looked at me. Then it moved away from my body.

The man smiled and then entered the bathroom. A moment later he came out by guiding Nisa beside him. While I was stuck - go back to the bed that I used to sleep on.

Azzam laid his wife down slowly.

A smile came from his lips. Nisa returned that smile sweetly.

The man looked so patiently taking care of his wife.

My reflex held my chest when I saw that sight. Spreading my eyes across the room so I don't see that scene of intimacy.

Ah, why is there still a scar on the heart. I exhale deeply and throw it away slowly.

"Nisa, I want to pray and go home."

Pamitku. I won't be able to stay in this place much longer.

I can't stand to see them in front of me.

Nisa nodded slowly. It seems like he caught my rather awkward attitude. I stepped into his bed with a bow. Not daring to look at Azzam who is now across the bed.

"There's so much for everything, Lila."

Nisa said thank you as I hugged her body. I nodded to stroke her hair.

"Excuse me, I'll excuse you."

I said stale words to Azzam while continuing to subdue my oppressors. From the tail of my eyes I could see him staring at me.

"Oh yes Ma'am, thank you for helping my wife."

Flat language.

Maam?

My wife?

Why is it so painful to hear that word. Does this mean that Azzam has forgotten me. I stepped out with the dewy netra.

Now I am in the hospital mosque to perform the Maghrib prayer.

This Mushola has been deserted from the worshippers. There are only two people who are seen still performing the maghrib prayer. Mushola measuring 6 × 4 is divided into two rooms. Shaf male and female. Restricted by marine blue curtains.

I lay my body on a flower carpet. I decided to wait for Adhan Isya who will reverberate in about 10 minutes.

Spend time reading the latest artist news from an online portal. Then peek at my fesbuk account. Read the status of friends who are flirting on the homepage. Like - like it. From the status of sales, sharing the latest news, to uploading photos of intimacy with husband and child.

I heard someone say the word from the direction of the male shaf. I rushed to get the ablution water and then put the mukena on.

Then stood while waiting for iqomat to be heard.

"Allahu akbar's. Bismillahbornrohmanirrohim. Alhamdulilahubbil 'natural ..."

All my body suddenly relaxed when I heard the voice of the priest reciting takbir and surat al fatihah.

The voice belonged to Muhammad Azzam Hasan.

It was so powerless to continue praying.

My heart trembled to hear him chant umul quran.

Again - again clear crystals flow from the eye peluhan.

It's like coming back a few years ago. When he became the makmum Azzam while on campus first. The recitation of the Koran is so eloquent that the simple man is always lined up to be the leader of prayer.

But this time it's different. I used to be so happy to be her mum. Now I'm like a hot worm, wanting to put an end to this worship.

Truly these are the 4 worst skirts of my life.

Not very excited at all!

Every prayer move always the man's face comes to my mind.

Ah, why did God meet me with him when this self is struggling to forget all.

The sound of the greeting ending the prayer made me a little relieved.

I cupped both hands to the face.

My heart was claustrophobic withstanding the cries that were crammed in the petals.

I don't know why tears are always present when you hear your voice.

Immediately I folded the mukena and then stepped out of this little mushola. Down the sidewalk on the highway in front of the hospital, looking for an angkot that can take me home to the boarding house.

I want to lie down on a soft bed immediately. Close your eyes to release all the burdens that have filled your heart all day.

*****

Today feels lonely. There's no Nisa next to my desk. No friends joking, change their minds, and friends eating lunch in the cafeteria. He has been hospitalized for three days. I wanted to see him but I didn't want to see Azzam there. I don't know what reason I'd give if he asked me why I didn't visit him.

"Lila, I'm going to be the same afternoon that the kids want to look at Nisa. Wanna come with me?"

Ask Mbak Myra.

Means back.

"Well, khan's kids aren't there yet."

"Yes Ma'am, I'm in Myra's car." My love.

"OK."

I finally decided to visit him today. I have been missing 3 days not seeing him. At least if I go together, I can hide behind my friends if I meet Azzam later.

Me, Ms. Myra, Andi and 6 others are currently in Nisa's treatment room.

His face looked fresh. He said that it was possible today to go home.

Azzam still faithfully accompanied his wife.

Then chat with Andi on the balcony of this room. While I chose to chat with Nisa in her bed.

Sometimes I steal a glance at the man.

The man with a height of 170 cm looked more mature, his face was getting clean and handsome. His beard was overgrown with hair which further added to the charisma of the mature brown-skinned man. The body is more filled. It was very different when we came up with the story a few years ago.

Our net crossbars clashed. He smiled at me. So sweet. That look always manages to hold my heart.

My heart suddenly started beating irregularly.

Oh my God, why am I being so wrong.

I hurried to throw my eyes away. Clutches back with Nisa and the other colleagues before things go awry.

****

"Lila, come with me to Panbil in the afternoon."

Pinta Nisa in between hours. Panbil is the name of a mall located not far from where we work.

"Why what?"

"Nyari gift for Mas Azzam."

A present?

The feeling today is not the day of the man's birth.

"What's her birthday?"

"No.Make the 2nd wedding anniversary."

Girang. The woman in front looked so happy.

I swallowed a heavy salivary.

Apparently they've been married for two years. And I'm still a single fisabilillah.

A unique mention from Mr. Edi, my best boss who can sometimes be a very annoying person.

It does not feel like this heart has made peace with destiny. This self can accept that Azzam is no longer for me. Time will heal's. Maybe that's the right term for me who for 2 years struggled to set the heart to let Azzam go. Let me keep this first love in the deepest corner of my heart. It's true that people say, to love does not mean to have. Until now Nisa does not know the story of our past.

***

The wind flutters the maroon-colored long hijab. In front of me was a cup of latte coffee and a piece of sweet bread. Today I promised to meet Nisa at this outdoor cafe.

Before he got married we used to visit this cafe on weekends. Spend time together enjoying a cup of coffee and some sweet treats. While telling me about everything. That activity can finally restore our friendship that has now been running for 4 years.

But that changed when she got married. We never visited this place again. And I cursed him. As a wife, of course, the husband that he must prioritize.

Not long after Nisa was in front of me. The woman was very graceful with a large hijab wrapped around her head. In line with its carrier that tends to calm.

He ordered his favorite malacca iced coffee.

"Have you been waiting?"

I'm shaking.

"Tumben you're sure to meet here."

"Yes mumpung Mas Azzam again.

From yesterday I wanted to see you. Just not able to - have time."

He said sipping iced coffee in a 250 ml glass.

I saw Nisa take out a large brown envelope from inside her bag.

"Do you want to work with all envelopes?"

Ask wonder.

She shook her head. Then thrust it at me.

"Read it first."

'TAARUF PROPOSAL'

I looked at him in wonder. He nodded as reassuringly as to open this envelope.

Immediately I took out 2 pieces of paper from the envelope.

I saw my brother's name and the photo on the paper.

"ASTAGHIRULLLAH'S...YOU'RE CRAZY FOR NIS!"

Suddenly I stood up from the chair slamming the envelope in front of him.