Trapped in the Love of the Past

Trapped in the Love of the Past

My body trembled violently when I saw the man sitting next to me. Breath is so stingy. I threw my face towards the window. Heart beat feels irregular. My hand squeezed tightly into the bottle of drink that was in my hand earlier. I swallowed the saliva. Weight. If only I could get off this plane, I might have done it when I saw him greeting the Chinese father. But what power I have to stay beside him, at least for 2 hours of travel.

"Assalamualaikum Kaila."

Ah, that speech. My heart is collapsing. Does not feel clear bulir fall to the cheek.

'Waalaikumsalam'

My tongue. I can only answer that greeting in my heart.

My hands did not stop wiping away the tears that kept falling.

I still dare not look at him.

"How are you?"

Ask.

I'm back to sculpting. Silence does not answer the question. My lips are heavy to open. My breath is still irregular.

"Calilla.."

Lirih.

And I'm still mute. Dare not look at that man.

I took a tissue in the bag. Rubbing rough cheeks that have been soaked by tears.

This chest really feels tight. Restraining so that this crying sound does not come from the mouth.

"I'm sorry Kalila"

The man's words this time trembled slightly.

His voice sounded raucous indicating that there was pain he felt.

And I feel the same way. Bemoan.

"I still love you until this very moment Kalila."

Reaching Azzam's words, the man sitting next to me managed to break down my defense. Cry broke. I'm tergugu. Both hands smother the mouth with a lump of tissue so that this cry does not burst. Inaudible to the other passengers, especially the grandfather next to Azzam who had been watching me since.

For a moment I looked towards him.

The man was looking at me with his shady eyes.The look was still the same as it was 3 years ago. And whether this is just my feeling, I see in it there is still implied love.

I saw the glass in the net.

Wet cheeks.

Scattering of jaws like holding back crying so as not to spill.

I turned my face back from him. I really can't look at him. I want to hug my body next to me. Shedding all that stifling longing. But I have no right to him.

For a while, only silence was present between us. Drowning in the pain that cuts to the heart.

"I'm sorry that I can't fight for our love."

Azzam's speech is heavy.

"I've lost to Kalila."

The man breathed deeply. Staring at the seat in front of him.

"Where have you been all this time. Why did you just disappear?"

No news."

My head is full of emotion.

The man breathed deeply. Then I looked at Lamat - lamat.

"Should I tell you everything?"

"Must!"

I answered a little bit.

Azzam sighed slowly. Justifying his sitting position. Then sip the water in a 500 ml bottle of mineral water.

" 3 years ago, when I gave you a ring and promised to propose to you. Actually I have prepared all. The shipment of clothes, rings and other things I have prepared. My mother was so happy when she found out her son was going to propose to the girl he loved."

I slowly started to look at the man.

"Then your father came home. Talked at length with me and my mom. He is right, this poor young man is not worthy to marry you. Besides being poor, that young man is also the son of an ex-convict."

The deg!

My heart was pierced to hear the words of Azzam. So all this time, you've been causing all this.

"He asked me to leave you, because his son would be married to an employee in the government who was more everything than me."

"My mother tried to convince me that we love each other. And I'm not like the late father. He said I could make you happy. But that did not make Mr. Sugeng change his mind. Your father remains principled in the weight of bebet seed."

I wiped the tears again - again spilled.

Throat feels choked. My eyes are heating up.

I saw the man's eyes wet again. His gaze was still straight towards the back of the chair in front of him.

'Ah, Father why so heart with your son'

My soul is in my heart.

"Why should I go to your house when no one tells me? I can convince you of our love."

I'm nagging.

"I was forced not to see you because of my mother's ban. What is the point of endless love marriages. He knows very well how your father is."

Azzam smiled bitterly.

"I finally decided to go to Borneo. I'm trying to forget all about you. But my heart cannot lie."

I'm speechless. My heart is fragile when you see the Azzam family. The old man had always held his principles so firmly. Plus a hard character. His attitude and words can sometimes hurt someone who is not in line with him.

Indeed, I had a dispute with the Father, when he knew I was related to Azzam. He doesn't like me to tell him stories. But I don't think that far. That father would do that to Azzam and his mother. I could feel exactly how this man's family felt torn apart by my parents' words.

Father, I'll charge you an explanation later.

Ah, why is this heart arriving - arriving so painful when hearing the name of Ustad Bahrul. Someone who bridges the Azzam and Nisa taaruf process.

"Ah come on, Lila. Let it be a life lesson to me."

Heavy Azam swallow saliva.

"Oh, are you on vacation today?"

He tried to melt the atmosphere.

I'm nodding.

"Did Nisa know about us?"

I ask heart - heart.

The man shook his head. Then gulp back the water from the bottle he was holding.

" He doesn't need to know."

Said firmly.

Azzam looks to reach into his wearpack pocket.

"Eat .. "

Smiling, he offered the bread. My favorite bread.

I looked at him fixedly.

"Let's go in this belly."

Said chuckling.

He knows that I really like that food.

Shamefully I took it from his hand.

"I always carry that bread on the road like today."

Said smiling.

That little meal was indeed so memorable in our story journey.

Our first meeting began when Azzam ran after me who had been far away to leave the coffee place where he worked. Just to hand over 2 packs of my ironyake bread left on the coffee photo table. From that moment I started to meet him. The student who also worked part-time as a copy photographer managed to steal my heart. The man was not very handsome, but he was a simple, persistent, intelligent and pious figure. He knows how to treat a woman well.

"I didn't know I could see you yesterday. I thought you were married to your father's choice and I couldn't meet you."

"I also didn't expect Nisa's husband to be you"

I said a little cynical.

"You know, yesterday I had an argument with SPku. I protested why I should be sent to Gresik's smelter, when I just got married the day before."

There was a stinging return when he heard the word marriage from the mouth of Azzam.

"But SPku insists I have to leave with another team. Apparently God is the one who orchestrated all this. So I can meet you and explain everything."

He looked back at me with his shady eyes.

"Do you love her?"

I asked as I threw my face towards the window. I honestly have no power to ask this.

"I'm trying to love her."

It comes back to my heart

"I met Nisa 3 times before we got married. Could it be that the love for her had already grown in such a short time?"

He's rhetoric.

Silence greeted us again.

I heard Azzam talking to the father next to him. From their conversation, I knew that apparently the father listened carefully to our conversation which was peppered with tears. Sometimes I hear them laughing. The man with the gray hair said to Azzam. That the soul mate is arranged by God. If indeed he is your soul mate, as bitter and as difficult as any path taken will surely unite someday.

'Aamiin'

My reflexes agree on that word in the heart.

Ah, how naive this is.

It is clear - obviously the man is now my best friend's husband, but still I ngeyel to God by agreeing with the words of the father.

A moment later the atmosphere had already melted a little. I decided to ask about the story of Azzam in Borneo. I don't want to be locked up in the silence we created, even though this attitude is still awkward. Now we are dissolved in a conversation about work, about the bustle of Batam city. Not one bit we talk about the beauty of the past while still together. Because I realize my status and Azzam has changed.

2 Hours have been this iron bird in the air, and now it has landed perfectly at Juanda international airport.

Passengers one by one exit the fuselage. Until just staying around a few people here, including me and Azzam. We then passed the garage back to get to the baggage claim room.

"Be careful Kalila, we're parting ways here."

He said as I observed the movement of the suitcases - suitcases that run on orange airline baggage conveyors.

I looked at that face.

A smile expands from his lips.

My heart is filled with all kinds of flavors that I cannot define.

I want to stop that guy from leaving. But I was fully aware that now he was my best friend's paradise.

I nodded slowly.

"Kalila.if God still predestines us to mate. I'll wait for that moment to arrive. I don't know how long."

Lirih.

Then hurried to step towards his friends who were gathered near the exit.

The deg!

What did the word Azzam mean.

I'm flabbergasted.

Eager to chase after him for an explanation, but the man had already drifted away. Waving my hands at me who was now glued to look at him from a distance.