A DEEP WOUND

Mother

 

There was a man standing in a beautiful garden that I went to. He is quite tall, but I don't know who that figure is.

Surprisingly, in this park it was just the two of us. There's not a single one. I looked around and every corner in the park. There's not a single one.

In this beautiful park, there were not many people. All you need to know. How beautiful this park is. It is grown with various flowers. And the flowers I like are there. The white rose, right in front of the man standing there.

I love white roses. I tried to get closer. And now I'm standing right behind that guy.

 

I tried to say hello, and set my breath. To be able to greet him politely.

 

"Excuse me, ma'am," I said a little awkwardly.

 

He turned his back after I had only once. When I was the one who was down. Looking at him from the bottom and the shoes he was wearing up to the figure of his face.

I was shocked to see the figure of the man now standing before me. He smiled wide to see me. I tried to rewind the steps when I saw the man who was now in front of me.

 

Well. Ustaz Aris is now widening a smile to see me.

"Us-us-taz," I said hesitantly. My legs were shaking, and it seemed like my whole body was trembling anyway. If I keep shaking like this. I think I'll fall soon.

 

Standing up does not feel strong. What's the matter? what happened to me.

 

"Manda." Ustaz Aris approached me slowly. The more I retreat, the more he tries to get closer.

"Why is Antum here?" I started to sweat.

"His always praying. I hope you get a chance to talk to Antum."

"Stop! Antum don't come any closer!" lantang.

"Please. Forgive ana. Ana loves Antum very much, Manda."

 

All of a sudden, my tears flowed profusely when I heard the sentence uttered by ustaz Aris. My heart feels tight and sick. I tried to calm myself down so I could answer everything he said.

 

"She doesn't believe in antum."

"Marry ana" said ustaz Aris with a pleading face.

I turned my back to the man I loved so much. I tried to hold back my tears. In order not to sniff.

"Antum already has a wife, Ustaz. How can antum invite ana to marry," I reply again still with his back to ustaz Aris.

"You know. Ustazah Nisa even approved of our relationship. He even agrees if we get married. It was hard to do all this at first, but

..."

"But, what, ustaz. Antum does not know the pain that ana felt. Antum never knew any of that!"

"Ana wants to marry anti. Ana wants us to build a household and have children later. Ana's gonna try to fix the mistake she made."

 

My chest rumbled, my heart ached. In my little heart. How I wanted to say yes to the man behind me now. How much I want to say "Yes".

If I really wanted to be his wife. I am tired of my own feelings. I am tired of enduring this pain. I try to forget him. However, God always meets us at unexpected times.

 

"Ana can't" I said withholding my tears. "Ana can't. And will never be able to get married. Ana can't ...! And I will never!" I said very loudly then ran away leaving ustaz Aris who was still silent in the beautiful park.

******

"Manda! The mandanda! The mandanda! Wake."

 

I heard a voice calling to me. I certainly know that voice. The voice of my own friend.

I tried to open my eyes.

 

"Manda! You why?"

 

I thought I was just in a park meeting with ustaz Aris. Don't know why? suddenly I was in my room.

"Hey! You why?"

I looked at Salsa near me. I tried to rub my eyes, whether what I saw was not Salsa or not.

"You're dreaming?" salsa asked while I was still focusing on seeing it without blinking.

"Huh. Kok, I'm there ..." I cut my words when I tried to remember everything.

I just realized, if what happened to me earlier turned out to be just a dream. However, somehow the pain I felt was still very much felt.

I feel like it's all real. I still remember everything clearly.

"Hey. Even dumb again. You why?" Salsa. He also tucked the hair behind my ears. "You're dreaming? Dreamin, ustaz Aris?"

I fell silent and lowered my head.

"Why are you yelling that?"

"Huh. Yells?" I repeat the words Salsa. I don't know if I scream. "What do you mean yell?"

"You said Ana couldn't. And can not antum invite .. get married. That's anyway. You dreamin, ustaz Aris?"

Gosh darn. I feel so ashamed that Salsa told me. In fact, I did not realize at all if to shout and pronounce the name ustaz Aris.

"My voice was big, huh?" many doubt.

"Yes." Yeah."

"Great?" ask me to clarify again.

"Yes, no. Just, you ngigo that. And a little loud, but not too loud until your voice is heard by all residents of the boarding house. Not that either." Salsa tried to explain me.

I snorted violently and closed my face after Salsa told me. I was ashamed of what Salsa had told me.

"This is because you confided in ustaz Aris. That's why it's a dream come true" said Salsa sewot tilting her eyes at me. He leaned his back against the wall right near me as well.

"I don't know" I said again.

"You are too serious to think, so bring a dream."

"Hmmm. Please bring water, dong, Sa," I asked.

Though he knew, I was working because of\-for dreams. Salsa doesn't care at all. He should have had water to drink, this was not. Not that he cared about by friends, but at least he ...

"Here," said Salsa, giving me a glass of water.

I then finished the water filled with Salsa using a long glass.

"You want another drink. It's really thirsty, huh?"

"It's not okay, Sa."

"Thus. What dream did you say you couldn't?"

"Hm. That time, I guess. It's all real, but it's not. It feels so real."

"Ceritain dong your dream? I'm curious, here."

"Hm. I ... invited to marry ustaz Aris."

"Keep."

I fell silent and refused to answer Salsa again. I thought of every thing Ustaz Aris said.

In fact, he wanted to if I gave him a child. Oh my God .. I am confused by all this.

What exactly is your plan, God. The more ustaz Aris tried to always appear in my life, the greater this feeling was to him.

I want to hate him, but why is this so hard for me to do.

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