A DEEP WOUND

Presentiments

 

Is this a dream? Is this real? And is this wrong? These eyes might be myopic?

Her. He is the one who is in front of me. The heart feels back pounding. This feeling feels guilty. What I'm doing. Want to be taken out by him. Remember. He already has a wife.

However, repeatedly asking he still maintained his answer that no one forbade him to see me. Even his wife. Bizarrely.

 

"How can a wife allow her husband to meet another woman. It's weird, isn't it," I murmured in my heart.

 

The first thing that ever happened. It's repeated again. Once upon a time, he always took me somewhere. And my best friend Salsa used to be our bodyguard when invited out.

 

"Anti never came home?" tanya Ustaz Aris broke my daydream.

"Hah .. m-m every once in a while back home, Ustaz. If there is time," I replied holding the glass of juice in front of me. Nervously.

Coincidentally Ustaz Aris took me to a cafe which is quite far from the cost where I live. "Have you ever thought about getting married?"

"Huh married? what kind of question is that. Why is he talking about getting married again. Anyone would think of getting married. But, not married for now," I murmured again narrowed my eyes at the ustaz Aris who sucked up his juice.

"Lohh .. Why not answer?"

"Mmc ... Anyone, anyone who still has common sense. Must have been thinking of getting married, Ustaz."

"Tongue long answer. Answer yes or no" said Ustaz Aris smiling before me. He seems to be laughing at me. He might have won with the question that was asked of me.

"Yes. Antum can know the answer from the long answer ana. The conclusion is yes," I replied again with a protesting face.

 

I-i know. Sometimes he watches my behavior. In fact, he just kept glancing at me while drinking his juice. And I intentionally didn't know anything.

 

"If ... if ana invites anti to marry?"

Uhukk .. uhuk .. uhukk.

Instantly my throat felt something odd with his question. What does all this mean.

"Ana's not done talking. Ana wants to ask. What is the anti-polygamy opinion?"

"Polygamy? What's antum mean, Ustaz??" ask me again to clarify. Still with a confused face.

"Yes. What's anti-pleasure with polygamy?"

"Huh. What's he crazy? Why is there so much polygamy?" I muttered while staring at the cynical ustaz Aris.

"Silence again?"

 

I tried to justify the sitting position. Squeezing the tip of my hijab still with the state of looking at ustaz Aris.

 

"Anti won't answer ana's question?"

"Ana is confused as antum. Why does antum ask about the meaning of polygamy. If you want to know what it means? antum lives a check on googke, right."

"Anti don't understand ana's question?"

"Ana understands. Antum told ana to mean polygamy, right?" I just keep pushing again. I deliberately deflected the conversation, being lazy to answer her question.

 

I understand enough with every word that is said. It's just that I don't like anyone discussing polygamy. From a long time ago, somehow I really did not like to see people who have more than one wife.

 

I know the Prophet used to have many wives. Many Muslims follow what the Prophet did. Still, I don't like it. If we talk about Islam, it might be very long.

"What do you think?" ask ustaz Aris again. He still wants to know how I interpret polygamy. As important as he asked about polygamy, he had to force me all.

"Yes." Yeah."

 

Trying to take a slow breath and trying to answer the silly question ustaz Aris. "Polygamy? a man who has more than one wife."

I looked at the man in front of me. In my mind, what does he mean he asks about polygamy?

"If if?? If if there is a man proposed anti and want to make anti as the second wife. Is it anti-want?"

"Astagfirullah hal'azim," spontaneously I immediately istigfar. "What antum mean?"

"Ana wants to be anti as Ana's wife?"

My heart stopped beating. My feet feel unable to move. My mouth feels stiff. What he said clearly made me a taget.

Feels in a bolt of lightning during broad daylight.

"Is he aware of his words?"

"What's the anti answer?"

"Ana's coming home, Ustaz. This meeting was wrong. Ana doesn't want people to think no to Ana later."

"Ana's meeting was equally anti already known by Ustazah Nisa. So, there's nothing to worry about."

"Sorry, Ustaz. Ana's home. Assalamu'alaikum," I said getting up from my seat.

"May ..."

Before ustaz Aris continued his words\-word. I leave him immediately. The question is quite offended me. How could he have so easily invited me to get married. No woman will share her heart with another woman. Even if I was only considered a second wife.

"Manda ... Manda ...!! wait." wait."

Inevitably, I had to stop my steps as he was now facing me.

"Ana's going anti-arrin home?"

"No, Ustaz. Ana can return by herself using a taxi or gojek later."

"Don't. Ana has invited anti to come out. So, ana's gonna have to take anti home."

"Syukron on antum's offer. Again, I can't. Let Anna go home alone. We're not mahrom and frankly don't deserve a woman out with a man who already has a wife. Especially one car. So, please let ana go."

I try to go faster. And pray, may he not block my steps anymore.

He never knows, when this self is still very sick if you have to remember the events before. He never knew how much pain he was giving. And when I have to take it well with his wife. He wanted to make me a second wife.

Sometimes I want to hate it. However, it is impossible to do all that. That's how he asked a woman to get married. Believing or just joking??

I don't know what that means, either?

******

This morning was pretty bright. Where me and the other employees are busy serving the buyers who arrive.

In busy times like this. I still think of the word ustaz Aris.

"What does it mean to suddenly get me married. Want in what Ustazah Nisa. Ustaz Aris is crazy!" my mummy while carrying a basket filled with bread.

"Manda. Manda ..." a voice came from behind calling my name. I tried to turn around. And what I saw there was a beautiful girl with a big smile approaching me.

"Salsa," I tried to take off the basket I had in my hand. My friend, hugged me tightly.

"How are you?" salsa patted me on the shoulder.

"Alhamdulillah, fine, Sa. That you?" ask again.

"Alhamdulillah, good too. Let's talk outside. You want?"

"You, Sa. But I work first. You want to wait a little while, wait a little longer already want to rest too."

"OK, okay. I wait for you" Salsa replied again.

For a long time we never met. There were a lot of changes in appearance that I saw from Salsa. Enough for me, thank God you can meet him again. After a long time we never made contact after I opted out of his house.