A DEEP WOUND

Part 1's

Every human being will feel what is called love. Perhaps, each person means a feeling of love for someone differently. For me, the feeling of liking someone, can make us comfortable, feel happy, and understand about us. That's love, is that what I think? What about you guys??

All right, I'll tell you my story. When for the first time God met me with a man I thought was strange.

At that time, after deciding to continue school in pesantrenan. I'm so very happy. I want to go to school in Cairo. So, my teachers and friends suggest continuing to school first in pesantrenan to explore religious knowledge even deeper.

 

My desire to enter the pesantrenan was achieved. Even though it is full of struggle to get in. God gave way. And a person's desires are often incompatible with reality.

Early entry in the Pesantrenan was very painful. Must be willing to be away from parents and away from home.

 

However, all that can be overcome when I try my best to adjust to new friends\-friends. I also remember my desires and my\-citizenship. So it did not take long I felt comfortable and could adjust in the Pesantren cottage.

 

 

Okay, a couple of months in Pesantren. All of a sudden, God met a man who was tall and had a handsome posture. If you look at him, he looks like an Arab man. Not to forget, he has a sharp nose and is white.

 

What I call this is none other than my own ustaz or the teacher who taught at the Pesantren where I studied. His name is ustaz Aris who is also the son of the leader of the cottage where I went to school.

 

The beginning of our meeting was very ordinary. But ... for some reason, Ustaz Aris treated me differently from the other sisters. Until, friends also often say that Ustaz Aris likes me.

The flirting of friends that often brought us together became a reality. Ustaz Aris whom I once considered a teacher has now declared his love for me.

A feeling felt by both people does not necessarily make the relationship directly in blessing or not. In this life, there is a lot of love that is not blessed. And that's the reality, I feel it.

Who used to be, want to pursue the ideals in order to continue school to Cairo extinct. My relationship and ustaz Aris heard by various parties also did not forget to hurt my mother's heart. He was so very disappointed, when he knew his only child failed to pursue his ideals just because of a love that for the first time I felt.

Betrayal was also the first time I felt it. Belief in a man we love so much is shattered by those closest to us.

Ustaz Aris was forced to marry an ustazah who was none other than his teacher. Because of his abi and uminya's desire, ustaz Aris preferred the orders of his parents rather than having to marry me.

A woman he once loved, now left behind. In fact, our closeness is so close. Made us both promise to get married. Because we know that's the best way to avoid sins we don't want. The agreement was immediately failed when our relationship was not blessed. And I prefer to get out of the boarding school after being so embarrassed to receive the insults from both of Aris's old men who disapprove of our relationship.

So hurt. Been very ill. I don't know what to say about the pain of being betrayed.

Tears are meaningless even if they continue to flow. The pain in the heart is more than anything else.

In various ways I tried to open a new page and forget the figure of the man who still remains in the heart. Even though he was hurt, he always stuck in his mind.

We were found by God somewhere. The meeting was so very painful when he saw that he had to join hands with another woman. As hard as any way to get rid of pain still the pain in the heart is getting hotter.

I tried to forget and erase all my memories. Because I don't want to be a human hater or a vindictive. The effort worked little by little. When Nisa's ustazah was suddenly being nice to me.

In fact, he was so good to me. As I recall, he disliked this self so much. To the extent that he forbade me first not to get close to ustaz Aris. Never know what their good attitude is.

 

One thing you'll know. How surprising! When ustaz Aris suddenly\just invited me to get married. What is the reaction of a woman when proposed by a man\a man who already has a wife.

 

Honestly, my heart immediately stopped beating. My feet feel unable to move. My mouth feels stiff.

What does it mean to get me married? So easy is a man to propose to women without he has to think long first.

 

When I answer. Then my answer is no. Any woman would never be willing to share her heart with another woman. Especially should be second. To be placed in this self-esteem. And I would never want to be considered a snatch of people's husbands.

The most surprising thing again. Apparently, Nisa's ustazah also agreed to Aris's ustaz if she married me.

With self-confidence. By the time I was 21 years old. I tried to answer with maturity and calm.

 

"That is, I don't want to hurt another woman if I have to marry you. Enough to be friends. Let the past pass. Don't expose all your mistakes. Forgiving you is an obligation I have to do as a servant of God. If God is forgiving. Then every servant must be like that."

 

Well. That's my answer. My hope at that time was that the words I had uttered were the final answer. But, in fact, not. I tried to avoid him, but he kept looking. How much his love for me.

If he could, it felt like he wanted to disappear from the face of this earth so that he would not continue to look for me. How can a man\-man who already has a wife and is called an ustaz should pursue another woman.

He proposed to me again and again in various ways. Obviously, I would never want to be made a second wife. Especially polygamy. It will never be possible.

All what is done by ustaz Aris is known also by the mother. Certainly is. My mother would never want to see me marry a man\-man who already has a wife. Because it's a thing that's gonna hurt a lot for me to feel. That's what my mom said.

 

Curious about the story? Stay updated from my Muslim friends. What is the answer of a Manda, when ustaz Aris does not want to give up to be able to make her a wife. There will be a lot of twists in this story.

Fixed pantengin keeps 😊😊

Syukron 😊😊 for friends who already want to read my story.