A DEEP WOUND

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"Is it true, Ustaz Aris often looks for you?" ask Zah Erin to me.

"Ustazah, you know where?" many doubt.

"Febis the story," replied Erin. "Say he also often met Aris ustaz when looking for you."

"Not really, Zah." I try to hide the truth. Actually, it's hard for me to hide. On the other hand, there is no way that I will tell this to Erin's ustazah.

 

Moreover, it must be told if Ustaz Aris ever invite me to marry. In the past, Erin's ustazah did know my closeness to my teacher. However, if for now he can not know what happened. Ustaz Aris has a wife.

He would be very surprised if he knew Aris was asking me to get married. Sure, the effect I'm called a bully woman or a usurper. In fact, the fact is that Nisa's ustazah also allowed Aris to marry me.

 

What a strange couple. How can a wife allow her husband to marry. No woman will ever share a heart. And I'm sure it is. Let alone ustazah Nisa, she loves dead same ustaz Aris. Well, his name is also a soul mate already there is a set.

 

Although I and ustaz Aris love each other and promise to get married first, but unfortunately we are not a match. The thing that still crossed my mind. Does Ustaz Aris still hold that flavor for me? So, he just wanted to be asked by his wife to invite me to marry.

If there is no more taste for me. He would never have even been able to keep whistling hard to find me and keep looking for me.

 

"Ages. Ana went back to the room first, yes," I said and left Erin's house. Our conversation hasn't stopped, but I'm trying to avoid it. So that he does not ask further.

When we went to our room, God brought us together. Will we be fighting or not?

"Manda!" ustaz Aris.

 

I stopped my steps. Now, Ustaz Aris is standing right in front of me. As usual, my heart beat back every time it was near him.

 

"You ..." Ustaz Aris stopped his words.

 

And I don't want to see ustaz Aris. In any case, I tried to keep my eyes out so as not to sin for me and for ustaz Aris.

 

Maybe I've done a lot of wrong things all this time. Without having to say a word. I went from before Ustaz Aris while looking down.

"Manda. If there's time, ana wants to talk to you" said Ustaz Aris after I left her.

 

I heard his words. It's just that I pretended to be ignorant and didn't care what he said.

 

Is he crazy to ask me to talk?

Does he want to see me insulted again like his parents used to. And after being insulted he just left without wanting to defend me at all.

 

Does he deserve to love me. To be honest, he doesn't deserve my love. My heart is already too sick, and it is very difficult to forget everything that happened to me first.

When he got to the room, tears fell down these cheeks. I don't know why these tears fell. Why should I remember the events that have passed.

 

That will only make me feel pain.

"Mother ... Manda misses Mother."

******

Tok .. tok .

"Manda ... Mandaic. Open the door" Febi's voice called my name. I quickly wiped away the tears that had flowed on this cheek.

Cklek.

"Sorry" I replied briefly.

"You don't take it back to the room. Main lives just that," said Febi sembrut near me.

"Where to take you back to the room. You are just fun watching tv in the next room," I replied again as I opened my hijab.

"hee. Yes, too," Febi replied grinningly looking at me. He continued to play his cell phone.

 

In the afternoon, Febi took me for a walk to see the atmosphere of the cottage.

 

"Manda. Ayokkk," asked Febi to pull my hand.

"No ah, you're out there," I refuse to focus on playing the phone.

"Hm. I know, you don't want to go out because you're ashamed to meet your teacher and the other students."

 

Febi continued to reveal the reason. Because he kept hearing Febi's rant. Eventually, I was forced to leave the room.

If not come out. Then until morning I will continue to hear all the ravings of my workmates.

My steps were too heavy to get out of the room. I tried to take a deep breath before I could take another step.

Because in the afternoon, it looks like all the santri do the cleaning like I used to when still being a santriwati is like this is the activity in the cottage.

Just passed from santriwati's cottage. All eyes see me. I thought maybe it was just my feelings.

"Manda."

"Yes" I answered, looking at Febi who was near me.

"Tock. Kayak santri here is watching us or how, anyway," whispered Febi.

I paused for a moment to hear Febi say and answered him. "Maybe, it's just your feelings, Feb. I don't feel guarded."

"Hm. Yes, maybe," replied Febi again. We continued to look around the cottage.

Really, I feel uncomfortable with it like this. I tried to be mediocre\normal near Febi without having to think about the not\-no.

Because I feel uncomfortable. I took Febi to a place that I felt comfortable.

"Manda!" I heard someone calling my name. Then I turned my head as I sat down to sit with Febi.

I saw Nisa's ustazah walking with Aris's ustaz. Ustazah Nisa smiled broadly at me. I don't know if they're coming for me.

"What are you doing here, Da?" ask ustazah Nisa to me.

I saw ustaz Aris standing behind his wife. However, I immediately averted my eyes and did not want to reply to the friendly ustaz Aris or ustazah Nisa well.

"They want to do your decetin, Da," whispered Febi who was near me.

I just kept looking at Febi and then shrugged my shoulders encoding that I didn't know.

"Ustazah can talk to you for a second?" ask ustazah Nisa to see me. His face was like begging me.

Seeing the look on the face of Nisa's ustazah who wants to talk about something. Febi asked for permission to return to the room.

"You wait for me. Don't come back yet" I said, pleading with Febi.

"Udah. You'll turn it around alone. Shame on your ustazah if I stay here nemenin you. Who knows, he wants to talk about something important." Febi whispered. Which then irritates me abandoned with ustazah Nisa and ustaz Aris.

I don't know for sure what Nisa's gonna talk about. Actually, I'm lazy to have to deal with this pair of people again. But, for the sake of appreciating. I nodded, though I didn't know for sure what they wanted.

Ustaz Aris was silent as his wife held me back to the room. I don't know what he wants to talk about.