A DEEP WOUND

Slap.

When I and Ustaz Aris were arguing over what happened. Unwittingly, Mom came home and said hello behind my back.

"Assalamu'alaikum" said Mother.

 

It surprised me with my greeting. Meanwhile, I fell silent and my mouth felt stiff to answer greetings from him. Immediately I wipe away the tears that had soaked this cheek. Even though he is still in a heart-wrenching state. I tried to answer the greeting.

 

"Wa' .. wa'alaikumsalam, Buk." I turned my body around to see Mom. I tried to put a smile in front of him. Because I'm afraid if he sees this sad face later.

Seems obvious. Mom's tired and tired face. Really, I can't bear to see that the woman who has given birth has to be like this continuously. I don't know when I can make her happy.

"Well, there's Ustaz Aris. It's old?"

"Mmm .. recently, really, Buk. I just came" replied Ustaz Aris.

"Tumben's here again, son?"

"Yes, Buk. Thank God you have time to get here?"

"Cock isn't made into a drink?" ask Mom to see me.

I just kept quiet to see Mom. Without answering anything.

"Don't bother, Buk. I am also not here long," said Ustaz Aris again replied Mother.

"No, Son Aris. Not troublesome at all. Manda .. Come on," Mother glanced at me indicating she was inviting me in.

 

I followed Mom in. Just silence I can do. I'm afraid Mom thinks that's not\-not later. Moreover, the arrival of Ustaz Aris suddenly\suddenly.

 

"Why is he here?" I asked her while stirring the coffee she made.

"Ng .. don't know either, Buk."

"Cock, you don't know. What was the purpose of him coming here? Why did it suddenly come? There must be a purpose."

"Mmmm .. he .. wants to tell Manda to go back to the cottage," I replied somewhat hesitantly.

"Reverse to the cottage? What's for?"

"No idea, Buk. Just, he came here also want to apologize from Mudir," I replied again. The look on Mom's face clearly indicates that she seems suspicious of me. I don't know for sure what Mom thought. But obviously, I was suspicious.

"Apardon for what? After they treat you like that. Whether the way they apologize can relieve your pain. Mandaic. Look at Mom, son."

 

I fell silent, and tried to stare at my heroine. Lukaku can't be lost. My pain has not yet recovered. How I forgot Ustaz Aris. Now the taste is still there. However, behind the deep taste there is a pain that cannot be cured. Only God knows everything.

 

"Manda. I know how you feel. I know how much pain you feel. Mother gave birth to you, son. Any kind of way you do to hide your sadness. Mom knows that. The men .. who are out there are the men you once liked. The first time you feel like someone. He's given you a wound and a betrayal, son. I know your heartache hasn't healed yet."

 

Clear running water soaks the cheeks. I have to say especially to Mom. I know what I've been feeling all along. I tried to take away my pain, but it wasn't easy. When I feel calm. Why did God bring us back again? What exactly is god's plan? I don't understand everything.

"Yet. Manda doesn't want to remember that anymore. Manda has forgotten everything. From now on we don't talk about it, yeah, Buk." Mother stroked my shoulder, grasped my hand. To be strong and forget my bad times.

I'm trying to toughen up. Trying to keep smiling. And may my plan to work be accepted by Mother.

 

I stepped out to bring a cup of coffee to Ustaz Aris. Although still with a feeling of annoyance and always want to be angry if you see the figure of my teacher.

 

"syukrons. I'm sorry, it's anti ngrepotin" Ustaz Aris told me. Just being quiet is better than having to answer. To hold my ego, because every talk to him feels like being angry.

Alhamdulillahot. It didn't take long, Ustaz Aris finally said goodbye to go home.

"Anti still using the old number?" ask Ustaz Aris when he comes home.

The question surprised me too. "What number do you mean, Ustaz?"

"Anti mobile phone number. It's the old one, isn't it?"

"For what antum phone number. Antum just go home, Ustaz. Kasian Ustazah Nisa is waiting at home," I said with dislike. I know it's a little impolite.

"Alright, again ana apologizes equally anti. Assalamu'alaikum" said Ustaz Aris, stepping away to his car.

I went in without having to stand to see my teacher coming home in his car. In the past, time was still in the pesantrenan. If you go home on vacation, Ustaz Aris often goes home. If he comes home I always stand a long time to see his car that will go while they make a big smile to see it. But, that was before. Not with the present.

******

I moved my feet toward my mother who was sitting alone. Alhamdulillah, he had just finished reading the Qur'an.

"Look." I tried to approach Mother who was sitting upholstered with a simple mat.

"What's wrong?" asked Mom to stroke my head. Actually, I hesitate to tell Mom.

"Yet. Manda wants to tell you, Mother."

"You know what?"

"Yet. Manda mau .. mau .. work."

"Huh. Work? What work, son?"

"Working in a bakery, Buk. I'm a permit, yes, Manda please?" I whined near Mom so she would agree and not be angry with me.

"Where's the bakery?" ask Mom to look at me.

"In Mataram, Buk," I hesitated.

"How come, you're staying home all of a sudden working at a bakery?"

"Time to Salsa's house. Manda entered the job application, Buk. Sorry, Buk. Manda secretly entered the job application." I looked down, afraid that Mom would scold me.

"Manda. You see, Mother!"

However, I just kept quiet and kept my head down without even looking at him.

"Manda ...! You see, Mother! Anyway I'll never agree you're working."

The thing I feared became reality. Debates. Well, there's gonna be another debate between me and Mom. I have to explain everything in a way. Still with his stance, Mother will never agree to see his only child working.

I looked at the brown-colored netra. I took a deep breath. Trying to stay calm talking to him. "Yet. Manda is big. Please, I understand this decision. Manda wants to be independent, pingin happyin, mother."

"You know. What would make you happy?"

"What, Buk?" I try to stay calm in front of him.

"That's what you're suggesting. Don't keep following your ego! You'll be happier if you want to go to school."

"Yet. Manda doesn't want to bother Mom. That's why I want to work, Buk! Please understand Manda's decision!"

"If Mom says no. Still no! And I've said many times I'll never agree. You heard that!"

In fact, Mom just left after speaking loudly in front of me. An unpleasant hunch is already a sign that you will be angry. And still not allowing to work.

He never wanted to understand. How much love I had as his son had to trouble him constantly. Who is really wrong. Who is more selfish? me or Mom?