A DEEP WOUND

Derren Albam's.

“Why do you have to hide all this, Manda.” Mom is behind me now.

“Mother ... sorryin Manda, Buk.” I hugged both of Mom's legs standing behind me earlier.

“Mother is disappointed with you! why! Why you should love Ustaz Aris. Why, Manda!” Mom was so angry she vented her disappointment at me. Until my chest gets claustrophobic hearing it.

“Mother ... Maafin Manda, Buk. Manda has made Mother embarrassed,” my tears broke when I prostrated in front of Mom to apologize. I don't know how to apologize to Mom.

“Mom sent you so you can reach the goals you want. But why!! why did you disappoint Mom!” Mom took off the grip of my hand that was on her leg. Mom left me alone again in my room.

I could only cry and cry. A heart that hurts even more after feeling guilty to Mom.

What's wrong if a santri loves his teacher. We both have the same feeling. Why our relationship is not broken.

Love is never made\-made. I never thought about feeling love. However, the feeling came suddenly without me knowing why I returned the feeling of Ustaz Aris to me.

******

One week passed, Salsa who was also my best friend came to visit me. He told me why I had no news at all.

I heard Mom let Salsa come see how I was.

Despite hearing my best friend's voice coming to my house. Still I don't want to go out to see him. What I feel right now is my head is heavy. My heart hurts, my body feels hot. I don't know how much longer I'm going to feel this tremendous pain. Every day my tears are always coming.

My relationship with my mom is so tight now. Mom won't ask me to talk anymore. My feet don't sit on the ground. My head feels dizzy. And can't think of anything else like it.

Salsa came in to see me while sitting alone in the room. I could only silently see the clear eyes of a Salsa. He tried to hide his tears in front of me. Salsa was still standing right in front of me. When he tried to get close to me. I just kept quiet without greeting him.

If I'm honest, right now I just want to be alone. Without being disturbed by anyone.

“Manda,” reprimand Salsa who is still standing near my bed.

I, who heard Salsa call my name, now help to see Salsa.

A bruised eye that I can't hide. Salsa must have seen my eyes start to look glassy again in front of Salsa.

The warm embrace that Salsa gave me. Trying to hold me tightly, Salsa's embrace was so precious for me to feel at that time. I care what I need right now. My tears flowed again as my best friend hugged me.

“Ustaz Aris's. Ustaz Aris. ninggalin ana,” tears began to wet my cheeks.

The pain I must feel cannot be expressed by words. I kept patting my chest. It hurts! this is love for someone. For the first time I felt and for the first time I felt pain. I feel so guilty for my mother too.

“Udah, Manda. Udah!!!” Salsa hugged me tightly again.

“He married someone else, not Imanda. Yes Allah ... !!” I just kept crying and patting my chest.

“Antum view ana. Look ana, Manda!” Salsa looked at me sharply. “Where do you know that Ustaz Aris married someone else?”

“From Facebook,” answered I cried again lowered my head. "Why he got it, Sa. Does he not remember his promise to me. Doesn't he want to fight for me, Sa."

“Yes Allah, it should not need to hold the phone first.”

“Nadia also texted, saying that Ustaz Aris has married Ustazah Nisa. Honestly, this heart hurts, Sa. Pain!!” I kept patting my chest.

“Why he lied to you, Sa. He promised to marry Ana and help out at school in Cairo. All that he denies, so why did he say he used to love ana so much. Why Salsa! why!” I shouted holding tightly onto Salsa's hand which was holding me. I want to keep shouting to take away the pain that is in my heart.

“Yes, Manda. You're patient, he's not the best antum. Hence antum is not a match.” Salsa kept stroking to calm me down.

“This heart hurts, Sa. Why did he change clothes fittings first.”

“Sabar, B. Patience."

Can't hold back her own tears. Salsa also shed tears that he tried to weep. She tried to wipe away her tears so she wouldn't be seen by me. Though obviously\-clearly I see her sad. How much he cared about me.

Salsa's embrace made me so calm. But the pain in my head was getting heavier. I feel like I want to sleep. Not sleeping for a while. But want to sleep forever.

Kasian mom has to bear the shame of my own actions. My wish to make my mother happy went extinct. I just gave disappointment and hurt to him.

My vision felt unclear. I want to fall asleep. Forgetting everything that happened to me.

"Mother forgive me. Forgive your son."

******

My eyes opened slowly. Looked at the ceiling\-room and not my room. I tried to open both my eyes. Seeing my surroundings.

My hand was plugged by an infusion needle. I'm shocked. Where am I and why should my hand be paired with the infusion.

"Mother .." call me slowly.

"Yes, Son. Mother is here" replied the mother again crying in front of me.

"Where's your manda?"

"You're in the hospital, son. Earlier I took you to the puskesmas. But ... Your condition is so weak that the doctor suggested that you be taken to the hospital."

"I'm sorry mom, yeah, kid. For two days you were unconscious. I'm afraid of losing you" I cried near me as I stroked my head.

"Two days? Manda why he fainted for two days, Buk."

"Nothing, Son. The doctor only said that you were very weak."

"Oh, Manda wants to go home."

"We must be home. But later if you're healed then we'll go home."

I'm rattled. What happened to me went into a coma for two days. It was like she was hiding something from me.

And I saw that on my mom's face. I know my mother very well. If he lied, I would know. As I recall, before I was in the hospital. Salsa came to visit me and hugged my body tightly as she shed tears. And after that I don't remember anything anymore.

What the hell happened to me???