A DEEP WOUND

Disrupters

 

The sunlight is so stinging. The body feels bad with the weather so hot. A day like this is best if you drink ice. Mixed ice? ice head young? ice doger, maybe? It was a refreshing drink.

When I'm going to the room. I met with Ustazah Anisa. The shock and nervousness I felt.

I'm starting to worry about asking things that don't\-no. The way Ustazah Nisa who saw me was so sharp. Makes me have to bow my head.

 

“Manda. Ana can ask something equally anti?” ask Ustazah Anisa who is now standing before me.

“Yes, Zah. Ask what?" I answered again while hugging the Qur’an I brought.

“Anti what exactly is Ustaz Aris?” ask Ustazah Anisa. Makes me more nervous.

“Means, Ustazah what?” I asked nervously.

“Anti 'kan said to have a relationship with Ustaz Aris. Is all that true?” asked Ustazah Nisa looking at me sharply.

“Mmm, ana never had any relationship with Ustaz Aris, Zah. Ana also does not understand with all the questions, Ustazah.” I tried to hide everything.

“Ouuhh, yes already. Maybe ana misheard about the rumors circulating.” Ustazah Anisa answered me again. Both my hands are sweating. As in the interrogation by Ustazah Nisa. My heart kept beating fast.

Not long after, the mudhabiroh Puji and Nadia who once shook me came to call Ustazah Anisa while chatting with me. I quickly left in front of Ustazah Nisa.

Thankfully, Nadia and Puji arrived. I can avoid the questions asked by him.

 

Really, I'm afraid of Nisa's Ustazah question. Is it possible that all the pesantrenan know I have a relationship with Ustaz Aris.

I can only pray. May the words that are not\-no not be heard in my mother's ears. If you sound like you will be very sad.

I didn't know what it was like to be in love. But as time went on God brought me together with Ustaz Aris.

Many times, I feel confused. Why should I fall in love? Why should I feel it? Since hearing Ustaz Aris in a match. And I am often talked about not\-no. Since then, I have always been worried and scared.

Here I demand knowledge. It's my own fault. If not respond to Ustaz Aris first. Maybe I'll never have a relationship with him.

Every now and then, I always try to think fositip. And sure that Ustaz Aris must have kept his promise. We never met even though we were in a boarding school.

To be honest, I wanted to meet Ustaz Aris talking to him with just four eyes. But it's very difficult.

 

******

 

In free time. All santriwati are told to clean\-clean every sore. Because this is the activity in the pesantrenan. Every afternoon we are told to clean\-clean. And the next morning, too.

 

My job that afternoon was sweeping. I saw Ustaz Aris walking towards his house. Mudir house (head of school) is Abinya Ustaz Aris close to santriwati cottage.

I changed my standing position. Stand somewhere else so Ustaz Aris sees me. I couldn't help but get angry, annoyed and worried.

Thank God he finally saw me and smiled. I returned his smile, giving the code so he could come to me.

"What's wrong?" Now the man who had a tall and white posture was standing before me.

"So, you want to say something equally antum" I replied, bowing my head.

"Bonch what? Just say it."

Shut up what I did. I see around me many santriwati busy with their respective duties. Occasionally other santriwati also saw Ustaz Aris who was in front of me.

"We don't talk here. No one will hear you later" I said in a small voice.

I also nod to the man I love. I followed him from behind. Pretend to be ordered to clean up when we want to talk about something.

"What do you want to talk about. Does it matter?"

"Yes, important!"

I stopped sweeping and donating Ustaz Aris. O Allah .. His eyes are so sweet. Pinched nose. It is very similar to mudir. Like men of Arab descent. No matter how sorry I am, I cannot let out my frustration before him.

 

After all, he did not know what about the rumors that were circulating. He said he also did not want to be betrothed even though many said he would be betrothed to Ustazah Nisa. I really love him God.

 

My heart is heavy asking him not to be in a relationship with me.

"Hey. Why are you silent? What do you want to talk about?"

"Ustaz. Is it true that antum will be betrothed to Ustazah Nisa?" many doubt.

"anti means. Anti hear from where?"

"Ana heard from some other santriwati. And auntie told me that too." I replied in a soft voice. It was as if Ustaz Aris had answered anything.

"Mmmmm .. yes, it is. Abi wants to match Ana with Ustazah Nisa. But ... ana doesn't want to, Da. Ana remembers the promise of anti."

I smiled and my heart was a little relieved to hear his words.

"But .. banyk santriwati who talks about ana no-no, Ustaz. In fact there are santriwati he said .. said that ana female hypocritical and not true."

"Who said anti like that?"

"It doesn't know, Ustaz. Ana was told to know Salsa."

"Anti denger. Do not believe the same thing that is not anti-denger. Maybe it was a lie. Tomorrow if anyone says it like that. Tell us about ana."

"For what reason do you tell antum."

"Yaaaa ana wants negur. Anti-gapain emang same ana continue they say anti-women is not true. Ana doesn't take anti-saying like that."

 

I was speechless to see Ustaz Aris defending me. The point is, I remain confident in his promise\-promise. He could not break his promise. And I already loved him.

I don't want her to marry another woman later. Because it will hurt for me to feel.

 

"Yes already. You continue the life, ana stay, yes," Ustaz Aris told me.

"Yes" I replied.

 

He then went to his house. Today I feel rather calm with the words\-words Ustaz Aris. He always tried to calm me as well as Salsa who always tried to calm me.

The name of Salsa. Why don't I see it. Don't know where he's going?

 

But ... it's okay. It was fortunate that he did not see me with Ustaz Aris earlier. If he sees me, I'll be in total banter with that kid.

 

I hope, the santriwati who saw me with Ustaz Aris was not thinking that was not\-no to us. Because they have had too much to say about me. I don't know who slandered me. So they think negatively of me.