A DEEP WOUND

New Students

 

The sky was dotted by the scattered stars\-stars. When the eyes look at him. It is so beautiful to see God's creation.

 

Stand alone on a friendly night. There is no sadness up there. Without any clouding or drizzling.

Another with this heart. Continues overcast. In fact, I don't even know when it's going to be cloudy like this.

Not grateful for what was given. Just, what I feel is human. Sadness, crying. In fact, I often feel despair.

 

Still, I can't forget the man who promised to marry me.

Especially two days ago. He came here again to persuade me to go back to the cottage. Instead of wanting to answer, he went home with a woman. Who else if not his wife.

Be ill. This heart hurts so much. This heart felt in pieces for the first time to see him with another woman standing side by side. In the past, I always dreamed that this self would accompany him.

The dream was just a fantasy. Everything's lost. He doesn't really love me. If he loves me. He will fight for his love for me.

And perhaps, he would argue against his parents' prohibition of not sanctioning us. But what! But what he did. Just walk away. Disappear like the earth.

After being safe, he just appeared. Is that not a traitor! Is clear! He was clearly the one who had betrayed this heart.

Even in these few months, I have not been able to forget that painful event. I don't know. Whether God is fair to me or not.

The point is, in my heart at its deepest. I have not been able to forgive Ustaz Aris.

 

 

I know that people have to forgive each other. Allah is forgiving. Why can't we forgive each other.

 

Repeatedly tried. Still, this heart could not forgive him completely. I don't know when this wound will break.

"Manda ... Manda ..."

 

My mother's voice called me. Then, I who was standing turned to look at Mother who was standing by the door.

 

The woman who had entered the four heads approached me. A woman I admire and love.

"What are you doing here?" asked the mother who stroked my shoulder.

I tried to spread my smile in front of my mother. "Not there, Buk. Just looking for the wind. In the heat."

"But it's night, son. Ayokk. Tomorrow help me make a cake, yes," Mom whispered in my ear.

I just nodded, too, to my mother. Every time he saw her struggling like this looking for rizki. Every one of those is my heart feeling sad.

If only he would allow me to work. Perhaps, he would not be tired like this looking for money. Let me replace him. Counting to repay his services that have struggled until I can grow this big thanks to him.

Dear. My opinion with my mother is much different. Until I had to make a decision that my heart did not agree with.

 

I also had to give up not working. More obeying Mom's words for college. I know, Mom really wanted to see me become an educated woman. I understood what he meant, and tried to think clearly. Which path I will choose.

 

But when I will choose to obey Mother's words. Ustaz Aris instead came again to persuade me to go back to the cottage. It really disturbed my mind.

 

Salat in the third of my night, just giving me a hint that I would like to continue school again. If it works, it will be very painful for you to accept. And it would make me very guilty.

 

******

"Your number can never be connected?" salsa asked who had just come to my house.

"Hmmm. Sorry, yes, Sa. Mobile phone held by Mother. Therefore, the number is never active."

"Cock can be held by Mother? How's story?"

If Riko hears that Mom won't let me work. I'm afraid of being blamed later.

"You shut up, Da. Why?"

"Nothing. Just Mom wants to hold the phone he said," I said stammeringly.

I saw Salsa curl both eyebrows. Perhaps, he thought that my reasons made no sense.

I don't know how to explain it to Salsa and Riko. If I can't work.

But, I can't possibly keep quiet like this. I don't want them to know if I can't work.

"Manda. Manda," said Salsa near me. "Why are you, anyway? From that day on his job."

"Heee .. no kok, Sa."

"Mmmm .. I ..." With a heavy heart I tried to tell Salsa and Riko. "Sa. Sorry, yes, I can't work. My mother is not allowed to work. Once again I'm sorry about you and Riko."

"Tu 'kan .. should be, before nglamar work you say the same Mother. Not just ego. Kasian Mom too, she wants another. You're another."

"How else, Sa. I'm the same as him. That's why I want to work, but I'm not being given. In fact, I was invited to continue the debate when discussing work."

"Yes, you don't have to work if you're not approved."

"I'm sorry, yes, Riko. I have also taken Kak Riko's medication." I'm trying to apologize. However, as long as you want to find a job, Kak Riko plays a role in helping me.

Until I can immediately accept, because nglamar work to his friend.

"It's okay, brother. If you don't let me, yeah, don't force it."

 

To be honest, I am ashamed of Salsa and Riko. They are tired of\-capek help find work. Uh, accepted turn I did not become a job. I hope they understand my situation.

I'm certain. Salsa understood what I was feeling. He was the only friend who understood my grievances.

"Teruss ... What's your next plan?" ask Salsa.

"Hmmm .. It looks like the coming year I'm going to try the lecture list."

"Oouhh, are you going to college?" salsa asked again who was holding my hand.

"God willing, Sa. Doain, yes, may Allah always provide convenience later. I hope also that I'm not burdened by sending you to college."

"Yes. I must be doing you, Da," replied Salsa smilingly looking at me.

 

I also whispered to Salsa. Ustaz Aris comes home.

 

"You're really, aren't you?" salsa asked curiously.

"Yes." Yeah."

"What did he do here again?"

"He told me to go back to the cottage. He's also here to apologize to Mudir (Chairman of the cottage)."

"What did he tell you to come back for? Make you sick again!" The vow! I don't like Ustaz Aris. Ever since he was mean to you, Da."

"Huusss. He is still our teacher."

"Udah, Da. Anyway you can't go back to that cabin anymore. Enough already!"

 

I kept quiet hearing my best friend's frustration. I know how much he doesn't like it when I talk about Ustaz Aris. Salsa's reaction is the same as Mother's. But, Mother even more so not like if I mention the name of the man\-man who once stopped in my heart.

 

Not Salsa and Mom alone are upset. I'm also so upset that I have to remember. Just remembering it pisses me off. Especially meeting him. My heart will hurt and break into pieces.

As it turns out, eliminating the heartache of being betrayed is not as easy as imagined. If I had known it would be like this. Perhaps, I will never be willing to return that feeling to Ustaz Aris.

All of this has become God's provision. And I can't possibly despair of what happened just yet. Everything that happens, there must be a silver lining. I must try to forget that painful event. And opened a new chapter in my life.