A DEEP WOUND

Idiotically

My chest is rumbling. My heart feels tight. How can I remember the old one again.

I can't. And it never will. Since the meeting with ustazah Nisa. My mind can only be fixed by his request.

What am I supposed to say. I can only say I can't. And until whenever I can never.

This morning, I decided not to work. I also turned off the phone. My body feels hot, my appetite feels non-existent.

Since last night Nisa's ustazah always called. He tried so hard to contact me, but I ignored him.

 

Yesterday's meeting made me disrespectful. Leaving Zah Nisa just like that without answering questions. The answer I gave was I couldn't. That'sthat's all. Then go leave him.

 

******

 

Gts ... Gts ... Tok

 

"Assalamu'alaikum's chat. Manda ... Manda ..."

 

I woke up feeling uncertain. My head feels unusually dizzy. I don't know who's coming to disturb my sleep.

 

I tried to close my eyes again. Stay lying down without opening the door. I hope this headache goes away soon.

"Assalamu'alaikum's chat. Mandaic. Manda .. oo Manda!"

 

Because it keeps being called, with the situation flat. I bang then headed for the door while massaging my head that felt dizzy.

 

Cklek.

"Manda."

"Hm."

 

Apparently, the one who came was Salsa. Thankfully, Salsa. No Febi. I am grateful that my best friend came. At least I can tell you about my current problem.

"Why you?" salsa asked and sat down on the edge of my bed. "You sick?"

And I still flinch just a nod to give my best friend an answer.

"So, I went to your bar shop. But you don't exist. I asked your friend, no one knows why you didn't go to work?"

How they know. To tell me that I'm sick, I feel lazy. Because\-gara avoids Nisa's ustazah, in fact, I'll be able to turn off the phone.

"By. How have you been quiet from before. Why?"

"Hm." I just shook my head.

"We're going to the hospital, yeah, I anterin you. Your face shoots really," Salsa stroked my arm.

I looked at my best friend with my eyes. I want to tell him. However, this heart felt heavy to tell a story. I'm afraid her reaction would be even more shocking if I knew that Nisa's ustazah told me to marry Aris usraz.

 

"Have you eaten?" salsa was full of care.

"Hm. Be-yet," I said limp.

"Oh Allah, Manda. Is it lunch you haven't eaten yet? You wait for me, I'm out for food, yeah."

Salsa got up from her seat. I prevented him quickly so that he would not bother\-repot buying food for me.

"You haven't eaten yet? I'll buy you some food first, Da."

"I'm not a laper, Sa. I ate a little bread this morning."

"Hm. If so, you take a break, yes."

I nodded again in front of my friend. "Salves."

"I. I-I want to tell you the same story."

"What news? You have a problem, tell me. I will always want to hear your story" replied Salsa smiling broadly in front of me.

Taking a deep breath, it might make me not feel nervous telling Salsa. I hope he's not upset by hearing this story.

"Yesterday I met Ustazah Ni-nisa," I hesitated and lowered my head.

"Huh. Meet ustazah Nisa? you mean?" Salsa's gaze started to frighten me. Not finished telling me he was staring like that. Especially if he hears the truth. How else would his reaction be.

"D-yes."

"Why did you meet him?"

"Hmm .. He's the one who invited me to meet."

"Keep, what are you talking about. There must be a point if he met, it's impossible not 'right?" salsa mukai asked in a tone of voice she did not like.

"Yes. In-he told me ..."

"That's what, Da."

"Married to ustaz Aris."

"What!" Salsa tidied up her seat that was near me. His expression was so shocked. "What do you mean? Married married?"

"Yes, Sa. Ustazah Nisa begged me to get married to ustaz Aris," my lawyer hesitated.

"He might be kidding, Da."

"No, Sa. He's not kidding. He's serious."

"Crazy. Crazyhead! How could she tell you to marry her husband? What a woman do you think!" Salsa with her voice.

"I don't know, Sa. I'm confused?" keluhku.

Suddenly, Salsa hugged me tightly. Perhaps, he knew if my heart felt sad during this\-moment.

"So, do they bother you often?" salsa asked, stroking my hand.

I nodded slowly answering Salsa. "Yes, Sa. From earlier, I also tried not to aktipin mobile phone. Tired contacted continued to be with them."

"She knows where your number is, anyway."

"From a coworker, Sa." I tried to tell my friend everything.

He was surprised to hear all my stories. He did not expect, if Ustaz Aris often also look for me and give flowers and food to me.

Actually, heavy tells all this to others. But, since Salsa's best friend and I'm sure can tell you this it's the same.

"You're beating me, Da." Salsa looked at me clingyly while holding both my hands. "Don't ever want Nisa's ustazah to persuade you again. Don't ever tell him. I'm afraid, the pain you used to feel. You'll feel it again, and it hurts more than it used to."

"Yes, Sa. I know, there's no way I should marry a man who already has a wife."

"I know, Da. Actually, you still have the same feeling ustaz Aris."

"Where do you know?" I asked him to frown.

"From the way you talk. The look in your eyes, it's all clear, Manda. I know you, because you're my best friend."

Start again my friend. He's like a fortune teller knows it's all.

"Manda. You are young, your future is long. If you can get rid of ustaz Aris in your mind. I don't want to see you like that first, Da."

I don't know what makes me sad to hear Salsa's words. No one knows, about this heart that is trying to forget the figure of someone we love so much.

It is very difficult to lose his name in this heart. Even now, I still love him very much. Honestly, my heart felt sliced when I saw him join hands with another woman.

I try to get rid of that feeling. However, this is very difficult for me. And none of this is easy for me to do.

Sometimes I get confused. Why God is getting closer to us. Why does all this have to happen.

Really, I want to open a new leaf. I want to calm down. And don't want to remember the memories\-memories that used to be.

And one. I want to make my parents happy. My mother, she's the one\ only person in my life. What I want to make happy and proud of me.

Mother ... Manda kangen, Mom. 😢